Monster
by KupKakes09
Summary: "you think I'm crazy, don't you? " he asked me with a familiar sad look in his eyes. "no, I think you're lonely. And that you've been waiting for this for a while. " I replied to the Mohawk wearing biker on the floor beside me.
1. Chapter 1

**The first chapter is always the hardest in my opinion, and I don't think I got everything across exactly as I wanted to, but I think the next chapter will clear it up so please just think of this as an intro sort of thing. **

**I am still working on the ending of sweet escape, I will finish it I promise. This story is nothing like that one though, this story will be darker and more angst filled but still have the good stuff like lemons and etc….. **

**A lot of thanks and appreciation goes to TeamBlaus4eva for all of her input and ideas on this story and for keeping me motivated on working on it, you guys will love it once it gets started really going I swear, she helped me create this fic into what it is now. **

**I do not own SOA, only Lindsey. I will also apologize for any length between updates in advance since I am ready to pop any day now and go into labor lol. **

Chapter One Dumpster Diving

"_The monsters are buried down deep inside…. You never know when they're satisfied…"_

I hated Charming. It was so small you couldn't help but hate it when you were in the situation that I was in. Everyone knew who I was the second I walked through the door and asked for a job application already knowing they would toss it as soon as I left. I was holding out hope that someone, just one person, would take pity on me. I'd been applying everywhere in town twice a month for over a year now and had no luck.

If I had a car, Lodi or Stockton might have worked. I could have at least done fast food over there but a two hour walk on foot was just impossible to do when I had no other way of getting around. I crossed my arms over myself, hugging my chest trying not to look at anyone I passed on the street. The less I looked at anyone, the better.

I headed 'home' or more likely 'hell' would be what I found today. It was check day so my parents were probably already plastered and ready to bitch and argue with each other or anyone else near them. I scuffed my beat up sneakers along the concrete with a loud sigh when the light drops of rain started to hit against my already weathered hoodie. _Perfect_. _Just perfect_.

The loud roaring of motorcycles made me look up, watching the Sons of Anarchy fly by in their pack obviously headed to their clubhouse. They'd been a fixture around this place since I was a kid and I'd yet to speak to any one of them. My parents snarled their noses up at the sight of them even though it was completely biased why. The Sons didn't allow dealing in their town, so my parents had to scrape up enough gas money to get to the outskirts of town for their fix.

I saw one straggler, riding with them but not at the same time. His bike wasn't as flashy as theirs and he looked a lot younger than the rest did when they rolled to a stop at the traffic light beside me. I glanced over at him again feeling self conscious when I noticed his face was turned towards me, hidden though behind dark glasses and his helmet. _Turn… Turn… say walk.. _I pleaded silently with the stop light when it finally changed. I took off at a fast pace hurrying to get away from them.

The rain pelted down harder on my last block to the small, shabby looking house that I called home. It had paint peeling off the sides, the porch was sunken in, and the grass hadn't been cut in who knows how long? But it had a room with a bed and a hot shower I could get into before I started to get sick from being out in the freezing rain all day. I skipped up the steps quickly, fleeing into the house with a loud bang when I shut the door when it stuck a little bit like it always did.

"Where the hell you been at?" Dad asked gruffly from his normal spot in his beat up recliner in front of the TV with newspaper littering the floor around him amongst the empty beer cans.

"Looking for a job." I muttered trying to make it into my room before the other one came out. No such luck. Mom was leering at me from the doorway of the messy kitchen in her bathrobe with a cigarette sticking out from her bright red painted lips.

She was probably pretty once, but she was the type of woman that had truly let herself go to the drugs and alcohol. She flicked ashes onto the floor with a sneer in my direction. "No one's going to hire your sorry ass Lindsey."

Her words didn't even sting me anymore. I was just so used to hearing nothing but cruel words leave her mouth. I gave her a look to show her I'd heard her before sliding into my room, shutting the door behind me . They wouldn't bother me in here. Not unless they really _really_ wanted me to run an errand for them.

I stripped out of my soaking wet clothes, deciding against the shower and went for my fuzzy pajamas instead before climbing into the bed to warm up. Maybe someone would call from the furniture factory. Or the diner. The new manager seemed friendly so there might be hope there. I'd saw an ad for Diosa but I'd have to wait for it to stop raining before I walked that far. Diosa was always one of my favorite places to go to for empty bottles and cans to turn into for recycling. They threw them out by the bag full without a second thought about the money they could be turning if they took them themselves.

I shivered underneath my blankets for a while, listening to them argue with each other. I could hear things being thrown, doors slamming and then the inevitable sound of my door flinging open. Mom glared down at me, still in her robe this time she had the sleeve pushed up where she'd clearly been shooting up. "What?" I sighed rolling onto my side.

"Get your lazy ass up and go check for the cans." She ordered me starting to pull the curlers out of her hair. "I have to go out for a bit, I need the money."

_I need the money. _Those were her favorite words when she'd send me on her little harebrained errands and after her fixes for her. If she'd already blown through her check in one day, she'd been seriously using more than I ever thought she was. Dad too. Meth was taking them over inside and out. "Its raining." I pointed out sitting up with the blankets held up to myself hoping she'd forget it.

"What? Scared you'll melt? If you can't get a god damned job you can at least do shit for me since I'm still dishing out for your lazy ass. I don't think you even looked." She snapped her eyes were dilated and wide. "Go get the fucking stuff or get out of my house."

I was pushing the blankets back, reaching for clothes already. "I'm going." I mumbled knowing it was easier not to argue with her when she was like this.

"Don't come back without at least 50. Stay out all night if you have to." Mom instructed me stuffing the curlers in her pockets. "Find something. You're a smart girl.. You always make do."

What I didn't tell her was that the money I usually returned with was a mixture of recycling money, and money from donating plasma every chance I got. Tonight, I had no idea how I was going to come up with her little quota. I hadn't ate yet and I knew they were broke if I was going out for them. I dressed as slowly as I could still chilled from my first trip and took off with her practically shoving me out of the door.

Loose jeans, wet sneakers, and a hoodie with a tank underneath didn't do much for protection but I trudged along wishing now that I would have fixed myself up some. Diosa was a classy place, if I was going to apply while I pilfered their dumpster I needed to look a little bit better. Or actually a lot better. I wasn't ugly… I was just.. Me. Short, with straight blonde hair that reminded me of a haystack, and blue eyes to match it were my good points. The bad ones were that I was so skinny my hip bones jutted out and my cheek bones were pretty prominent along with a scar that was a finger long on my left cheek.

Diosa looked packed when I crept through the parking lot, frowning a little at the motorcycles that were out front. The Sons were here at the whorehouse. I slipped around the side of the building underneath the shadows grateful that it was at least dark when I had to do this. I didn't have many friends but the ones I had, I didn't want to see me dumpster diving. I looked around to check that it was clear then stepped up on the side of the dumpster wrinkling my nose at the smell. God, this was awful.

I peered into the dark receptacle, spotting the blue trash bags they used for the cans at the bar and leaned down to grab them when someone's hands lifted me away from the bin. "Put me down!" I shrieked kicking at my attacker.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing out here?" A man's voice asked me, tossing me down to the ground.

My butt hurt when it hit the wet earth. I groaned a little bit, trying to get up when the younger guy that was with him pushed me back down again. "What's it look like?"

"It looks like you're stealin shit out of my trash." The handsome blonde man told me, cigarette dangling between his lips. His piercing eyes were glaring me down.

"Its not stealing." I snapped struggling to get up again, hoping he didn't tell the younger dark haired guy to push me down again. I could probably knock the young one over and run for it… the old one was the problem. President, his kutte read along with the other Samcro patches.

He smirked at me, pulling on his smoke before answering me. "Takin shit that ain't yours is stealin in my book kid. You mind telling me what exactly you're after in that thing?"

I brushed the back of my now wet jeans off, trying to make myself look at least a little bit decent. "Once its in the dumpster its fair game." I argued back with him. "And if it matters, I take the cans and glass every few days. No one's ever said shit before."

He glanced at the dark haired guy, sharing a look I couldn't read. The younger one was in a blank kutte, and stared at me in a way that made me uncomfortable. "So you take my shit… and cash it in? You make cash off of my trash?"

"Its not even yours… Nero owns the place." I told him with a look while I adjusted my soggy hoodie over my dampening hair. "I've saw him before. Didn't think he'd care."

And so far for the past couple of years, he hadn't cared if he'd known his trash was going missing. It wasn't like I was doing anything creepy or making big bucks. I was just taking a few cans, cashing it in, and buying some Top Raman or giving it to my mom for gas or whatever fix she could scrounge up with it.

"He does care. I'm his partner… Stay out of the trash." The blonde told me with a warning look that didn't seem quite as threatening anymore now that his eyes were softening towards me. "How much you get for those cans?"

"Sometimes $5, sometimes $20. It just depends on how busy you guys are." I told him wondering why in the hell he wanted to know. It'd be just my luck the biker gang would start recycling and kill my own business off.

He reached into his kutte, making me visibly tense. He held a hand up to show me he wasn't pulling a gun out and instead held a $20 towards me. "Go home. Don't let me catch you out here again."

I didn't like taking handouts and charity. I stared at the bill in his hand having a momentary battle in my mind. I was hungry, wet, and was going get to an earful and possibly a slap if I went home without anything. I had pride though and it killed me to reach out and take the twenty from him. "Thanks." I said softly pocketing it.

He waved me off like it was nothing, watching me take off around the side of the building again until I was out of his sight with his eyes boring holes into my back the entire time.

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It'd been two days since I applied around town and still no phone calls. I dressed in my freshly washed in the tub jeans and equally hand washed shirt, taking care to try and fix my hair in a loose style instead of a ponytail. Make up was minimal since I didn't really have any I was technically stealing my mothers and didn't want to risk looking like a clown. I paused in the grimy mirror noticing for the first time that my only prized possession was missing… a simple silver chain that had been given to me by my grandfather before he died when I was smaller. I felt my stomach churn, realizing I hadn't felt the weight of it around my neck since I was in the dumpster at Diosa.

I'd saw the ad being ran in the paper for 'help' at Diosa again and the open interviews at the ice cream shop in town. Pickings were getting slim and I didn't know how much longer I could keep donating plasma since I hadn't dared to go back and take the cans from the dumpster. It didn't specify what the job was they were hiring for, but I was willing to do pretty much anything at this point. And I meant anything. Besides, I had to have an excuse to go dig t hrough the dumpster again for my necklace even if it meant risking angering the local biker club.

It was before 10 so both my parents were passed out at odd angles in the living room when I tip toed my way through, careful to shut the door quietly behind me. They'd been out all night so I didn't really expect them up anyways. The walk was nice today, the breeze was cool and the skies were clear. It helped calmed my nerves about coming face to face with the Sons again. With any luck it wouldn't be the same guy doing interviews that would recognize me from the dumpster anyways.

I was a few feet away when I spotted two females coming out of the windowed shop laughing about something. I paused watching them discretely. I looked nothing like them past the blonde hair. They had on skimpy clothes, a ton of make up and looked like a million bucks. I pulled my bottom lip in chewing on it while I wondered if I should even go inside.

"You here to apply?" A male's kind voice asked me making me look up from my spying.

It was him. The younger dark haired biker that had pulled me out of the dumpster. He had a small smile on his face, not mocking, but kind. I glanced in the window of the shop before nodding. "Yes… yeah… I mean.. am I too late?"

"Nope. Bobby's inside. He's handling everything."

Bobby was revealed to be a large man with wild hair he tried to tie back into a messy ponytail while he peered at me over a pair of glasses seeming business like and scary all in one neat little package. His dark eyes read over my application before clearing his throat softly "You have no job experience."

I shrugged, I couldn't help that. "Nope… but I know I'll be a hard worker… I'll work over, come early… anything." I tried to look pleading with him.

"A little young for what we're hiring for." He finally said pushing my application away from his belly at the table. "Maybe try a burger joint."

Another rejection. I felt the little bit of hope I'd had die down. "Look, I know what you're looking for and I have no problem doing the job." I said quickly trying to convince him, I could see the younger guy from outside studying me from his stool at the counter. "I'm legal and willing… I just… I need a job."

Desperation must have been clear on my face because he gave me an apologetic smile and shook his head again. "Can't. But we appreciate you takin the time to come by…."

I let his words blur out of my mind as I stood up quickly with a loud scrape on the floor from the legs of the chair I'd been sitting in. "Thanks for nothing." I snapped before taking off out the door.

I couldn't even get hired to be a hooker. A hooker! I was willing to do anything to get out of this rut I was in, and I meant anything. I didn't bother wiping at the black mascara streaks that were falling down my cheeks as I hurred to Diosa to check out the dumpster before I went home. If I could find the necklace it might be my one last saving grace for the day.

The parking lot was pretty well deserted when I slipped in through the gates, walking as stealthily as I could around back. No sign of any bikes around back either. I kicked the usual empty crates to the side of the huge smelly metal recepticle and peered in. It was halfway full. I'd have to climb in and dig around if I really wanted my necklace back.

"I so cannot believe I am about to do this shit." I muttered to myself tying my hair back into a ponytail before lifting one bony leg over the side and dropping in. "Perfect fuckin day Linds…. You can't even sell your shit to make a few bucks, the local bikers won't even hire you, and now you're digging through their trash cans again."

It was dark inside the bin as I rummaged around wincing whenever I had to push a huge bag filled with god knows what around to look underneath it. One day, I'd look back on this and laugh I promised myself, I'd never do this again once I found my way out of this shit hole life I was stuck in. I had dreams, simple dreams, but still dreams…. Dreams of nice clothes, meals out, a car, and never digging in the trash again.

"Nobody wanted you then, why should they want to pay for it now?" I whispered to myself remembering the lowest point in my life so far. High school. "Dammit… don't let it get to you… not today…" I chastised myself just as a hard gust of wind slammed the lid down on the dumpster sending me into complete darkness inside.

The smell without any air breezing through was unbearable. I gagged as I panicked. I was stuck in here. Frantically I tried pushing the lid up but knew there was no way I was strong enough to budge it. I was stuck in here. What if they came to empty it? What if I got crushed by the trash truck? What if they found me in here again? What if no one ever found me in here?

"Help!" I called out weakly not sure if anyone would even be able to hear me inside of here. "I'm stuck!"

No one came though. I pulled myself into a corner I'd pushed the trash around out of and pulled my arms over myself, crying again. I'd cried more today than I'd cried in the past 5 years. I didn't believe in letting this much emotions show. "Think Lindsey… there has to be a way out…. Someone will bring the trash out soon." I hoped anyways.

I lost track of time as I sat there in the corner letting my thoughts run wild some more. Nobody cared I was missing. Nobody….a sudden bang then the lid being thrown open made me jump in, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hands. "Help!"

"How long have you been in here?" my savior asked me with wide eyes, not moving to help me out just yet.

I stared back at him. Him. Again. "I don't know. Help me… please.. I'm sorry." I moved to the side when he finally extended his hands. "The lid… it slammed shut."

"Didn't they tell you not to come back?" The dark haired guy asked me pulling me out with a frown.

"I lost… I lost something in there the other day. I needed to look for it.. Then I got stuck… and no one knew I was in there." I tried to explain hastily.

"Jax said not to come back." He reminded me with a look. "Must have been something important or were you after the cans again?"

I shot him a hard look back. "Look, I lost something. End of story."

"Not end of story." The smooth voice from a couple of days ago spoke to my left startling both of us. "I said stay out of my shit and I meant it."

Jax, the one with the president kutte was smoking a cigarette and leaning on the gate. "Don't you listen?"

"I said sorry ok? I lost something, came back, got stuck, I'm out now and I'm not coming back." I tried to explain to him desperately. "I didn't think it was a big deal…. Sorry…"

"You applied for a job this morning, didn't you?" He asked me, looking me over with a eye that made me feel like I was on display and doing a poor show.

I brushed my filthy garbage clothes off, nodding. "Yeah, yeah I did…. You turned me down." it came out more like an accusation than a statement.

The younger guy nudged Jax, nodding at the building. "Nero just fired Elsa. Maybe…."

Jax nodded slowly, still staring at me. "You know how to keep your mouth shut? Do what your told? Work?"

I scoffed at him. "Well yeah…"

"Want me to take her in?" The younger one asked again.

"Not tonight…" Jax told him tossing his butt down. "Be here tomorrow morning around 11. Rat will meet you here."

I had a job.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys… this is a really short chapter compared to what I usually get done but I wanted to give you something since I haven't updated either story in a month or so. I had a few things come up, my lil guy decided he wanted to come even earlier than I thought he would so I've been recovering from that and adjusting to a new baby in the house. **

**I think I forgot to mention that this story does take place during Season 6. This is a short, filler type chapter but I promise chapter 3 and 4 will get the train movin on this story and you won't mind the wait. **

**Thank you all for the reviews! I love love love the response that I got with just one chapter, so lets keep 'em coming!**

**Thanks goes out to TeamBlaus4eva as well for her help and ideas with this story. **

I had no idea what to expect when I walked over to Diosa the next morning. I had a nervous ball bouncing around inside of my stomach while I stood outside of the doors, I was early. I hadn't told my parents I was leaving, I didn't want to answer any questions about this new job just yet. That definitely wouldn't go over well with them anyways once they found out who I was working for.

A dark green Ford pulled into the parking lot catching my attention as the driver got out. Nero climbed out, giving me a nod hello as he pulled a case of vodka out from the passenger side before walking over to the doors. "Either you're early or I'm late."

"I'm early." I gave him a sheepish smile feeling awkward as I stood there waiting for him to unlock the double doors. "I didn't want to risk being late."

"Come on in, we'll get to the interview." He told me stepping back to prop the door open with his foot for me to slip in past him.

I'd never really saw the inside of the place before. It was dark, but nicely decorated with modern fancy things that all screamed 'whorehouse' in my opinion. Nothing freaky or weird was out so I took that as a good sign. I looked around slowly, taking it all in. "Nice place."

"Thanks.. So Jax said you were lookin for a job. wasn't sure what you were wanting." Nero told me giving me a once over that was completely business like even though it made me just how rough I probably looked compared to the other females that had been at the interviews.

"Anything. Whatever pays. I'll do it." I said quickly hoping I didn't sound too eager. I'd scrub the floor with a toothbrush if he asked me to, hooking it wasn't no big deal either. I'd reached a point of desperation.

Nero nodded, glancing at me again as a pretty blonde walked through the doors in a skintight red mini dress and 4 inch heels. "How old are you?"

"Old enough. I'm legal." I was legal… and willing. "Please just give me a shot… anything." I pleaded with him. I wasn't above begging either. Hell I was begging to be a hooker… that just showed how rock bottom I was in life.

"I don't think I need you for an escort." He started when I opened my mouth to protest and held a hand up to silence me. "But I might be able to find you something else around here. Cleaning. Some kitchen work. That interest you?"

"Does it pay?" I asked him with a small smile knowing that it wouldn't pay nearly as much as the other job did. If looks said anything about it then the blonde I'd saw come in was a prime example to me of where the money was in Diosa.

Nero returned the smile taking me into his office. "It pays. Not much more than minimum but Jax and Rat said you needed something fast. Don't know what you did to get in the club's good graces but he said to find you something."

I sat down in the chair he motioned at, my knee bouncing up and down with excitement. I was getting hired. I had a job. A real job. With a nice guy as my boss. Things were definitely looking up.

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My first official day of work I showed up in my least worn looking jeans, a pair of beat up Vans that were my only decent shoes to walk to work in, and a faded but still nice looking white shirt with little yellow polka dots. It wasn't close to the mini dress the other girl had on, but it was what I had. I pulled my hair back into a ponytail as I stood outside the doors trying to wait a few more minutes before I went in. I didn't want to seem too ready again. I'd be punctual but not crazily early.

I'd told my mom I was going out job searching when I left. There was no way I was about to tell her that I'd been hired at Diosa. Even white trash had standards and working here wouldn't win me any points with either parent. But maybe I could start saving for a place… I'd already mentally tallied up what I could make off of 40 hours.

I glanced down at my watch. Time to go in. I opened the black double doors up and slipped inside wondering where to go to clock in, I spotted the tall blonde behind a small desk where they greeted the customers as they came in. "Hi.. Umm. I'm Lindsey. I'm supposed to be starting here today." I introduced myself as sweetly as I could.

Her eyes darted up from whatever she was scribbling in a notebook. "Hey doll… Nero said you'd be early." She paused in her writing to snap the book closed before standing up, tugging on the hem of her short black skirt. "I'm Lyla." Her smile was friendly enough, the only thing that made me wonder about her were the faded half healed cuts and bruises on her pretty face.

"What should I do? Nero didn't really say…" I gave her a sheepish smile shifting my backpack around from shoulder to shoulder. I'd packed myself a few random things inside of it like I always did when I trekked away from home. My pathetic stash of change and bills in its Ziploc baggy, the make up I'd put on sparingly since I wasn't sure how it was supposed to look anyways, a book on photography, and an extra shirt.

"Nothing today hon. Nero wants me to take you and show you a few things." She motioned for me to follow her down the hallway that I assumed held bedrooms judging by the numbers on the doors. "You're going to be in the kitchen mostly, just small stuff, nothing major, but he still wants to make sure you're up to speed with the apperances we all put on here."

She was still talking in a friendly tone but her words were stinging me. So I was ugly. That was why I wasn't an escort. Not because of my age like Nero had said, or because he told me he didn't want me to feel like that was my only option, but because of how I looked. I nodded at her silently, trying not to let the hurt show that I was feeling inside. I didn't like to reveal feelings, especially not to strangers.

Lyla pushed open the door to a room that was empty of any occupants at the moment, and was a bright shade of red that hurt my eyes to look at. "So… have you ever tried anything with your make up before? Your eyes are great."

The compliment helped. "Uh.. No. I don't wear much make up." I looked down at the things she was emptying from a huge make up bag. "I guess that's about to change though huh?"

She laughed softly motioning for me to sit down on the chair in front of the dresser. "Just going to accentuate what's already working for you. Nero said you were pretty already, Jax too, just not as slutty as some of the others here."

"Is that good or bad?" I asked getting another laugh from her as she started using a wipe to get off the stuff I'd already put on before I left the house. "This is a lot to be kitchen help."

"Mmm.. Well.. If we get busy you might have to help serve drinks, clean up any spills and stuff out in the lobby." Lyla explained pausing in her wiping. "You have good hair."

I touched the end of my blonde ponytail, wondering what she was thinking when she stood up again pulling it loose from its hold. "Thanks.. I wasn't sure if wearing it down was okay or not. Nero literally told me nothing except I had a job and then asked a few questions about me."

Lyla fingered my hair biting down on her bright red bottom lip. "What would you think about being a brunette?"

My eyes widened. I'd never dyed my hair, hell I'd barely even cut it except for a few times. "I don't know about that… that's.. major."

"You don't have to.. I was just thinking it'd make your eyes pop a little more Your skin tone can pull it off, or maybe a red." Lyla studied me again. "Its up to you. We can run down to the Quik Save and grab a box of dye."

I looked in the mirror at myself, maybe it was what I needed. A change in appearance to go with my change in employment. If I wanted to work my way up, I needed to make the effort… so why not? "Lets go for it.'

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As much as I'd wanted a job, I was second guessing this one. My hands were sore from chopping up the millions of lemons, limes, and oranges slices for the mixed drinks they were at the Goddess Bar in th e lounge area, and then the juices from them burned into the cuts the knife left from my clumsiness. Minimum wage was making me rethink this position.

"Shit." I cursed tossing the knife I was using down when I nicked myself on the thumb with it.

"Uhh… Jax said to check on you." A man's voice sounded from the doorway.

I glanced over to my right in the general direction. It was him. The guy that had helped pull me out of the dumpster a few days ago, one of the most embarrassing moments in my entire life. Rat, I think they called him. I frowned a little trying to remember. "I'm fine."

He leaned against the heavy metal shelf, watching me rinse my cut off in the sink. "You don't look like it."

"I'm not covered in garbage juice, and I'm not trapped in the dumpster because the lid shut, so I think it's a pretty damn good day." I told him wincing at the sting of the betadine I was wiping my finger off with from the first aid kid Nero kept beside the sink.

He smiled a little bit, his thick mustache curving upwards on the sides of his mouth. "Just doin what I was told." He stood up like he was leaving and I felt a pang of remorse for being so bitchy towards him.

"Wait… I'm sorry… shit… I'm just… grouchy… or something. I don't know."

"Everyone has bad days." Rat shrugged it off easily looking a little nervous despite his calm voice.

I studied him while my fingers worked wrapping the band aid around the thumb. "Sure they do…. What're you doing here? Lyla arranges the 'dates'."

Rat's face flushed light pink and he ruffled his longish dark hair around. "Waitin on Jax to get done with Nero."

"So you're like the bitch huh?" I asked him without thinking that it might offend him. I wasn't used to being around people even after working here for a short time.

"No… I'm a new member. I just.. Help with stuff. Are you the kitchen bitch?" He threw back at me with a nervous smile.

"Might as well be my job title."

I pushed the lid off of the trash can, sighing. I hated this part the most of the job, dealing with the nasty trash. It'd been kitchen trash that I was stuck in when Rat heard me banging on the lid of the dumpster for help. I pulled the heavy bag up, my arms struggling with the weight of it until Rat was reaching over helping me lift it over the edge. "Thanks."

"No problem Fingers."

"Fingers?" I was confused. I frowned at him pausing at the backdoor that led to the back of the building.

Rat grinned stuffing his hands into his cut. "Yeah… Fingers.. That's what we've been calling you around the clubhouse."

Fingers… it could be worse I supposed. They could be calling me Trash Girl, Dumpster Diver, or making jokes about the smell of trash when I was near. Fingers would be okay for now… Maybe they'd learn my name one day.


	3. Chapter 3

**I accidentally forgot to leave a 'Monster' song quote on chapter two.. Oops… this one is from 'Monster' by Hurricane Bells, you twilight fans might recognize it from New Moon also… **

**Thank you to my two reviewers last chapter :P:P Good things come to those who review usually in the form of a sneak peek. **

**I am looking for a beta for this fic, and someone to throw ideas around with so I don't have to keep bugging and distracting TeamBlaus from her own work. **

**You'll notice I have changed small details, like Erin is still very much alive, Toric didn't kill her. **

Chapter Three

_Situations all critical , you've got to look before you go, if you wasn't too sure then now you know , the situation is critical_

Work got insane around 7 each night. The door was constantly swinging open and Lyla was running faster than I thought possible across the plush carpets in her tiny stilettos greeting men as they came in. For me, a busy night meant more chopping. I hated chopping. But I could eat as much fruit as I wanted or any of the snacks that they kept in the cabinets as long as I didn't touch what I discovered was 'Nero's' popcorn stash.

After only a week of working at Diosa, I knew Nero was definitely not the text book definition of pimp. He was one of the most generous men I'd ever met and had came into the kitchen a few times just to chat while he snacked between running business eraands as he called them. Lyla, I realized now, was sort of a manager here keeping things rolling so he wasn't tied down to the place. The girls were friendly with me, all smiles and kind words whenever I came across them and I'd made semi friends with a couple of them.

Lyla was the only one I'd consider an actual friend though. After fixing me up some she'd produced a huge bag of stuff she claimed she couldn't use anymore and was wanting to get rid of if I'd been interested. I knew without even digging into it that it was a nice way of her saying there was something wrong with my clothes. The bag had contained a few pairs of dress pants, a couple pairs of jeans, and a few nicer shirts. Everything in it was better than the stuff I had. But that would change now. Now I had a job, I could start saving for things.

A job that I still hadn't told my parents about for fear of poking rattlesnake while it slept despite the fact that I knew it was just a matter of time before they found out anyways. It was a small town and the only secrets you kept in a small town were the ones you kept to yourself and took to the grave. Everyone knew everything about you. And I was reminded of that every time I passed someone my age in town and they gave me a knowing smile or whispered behind their hands.

I drew my thin wrap closer to my body as I walked home from work, letting my thoughts dip around here and there. I'd been young and stupid. I was still young, but I'd let it toughen me, thicken my skin to what others thought and said. It was due to what had happened that I didn't mind working at Diosa and striving to become an escort as soon as possible. The difference in our paychecks when I opened my envelope beside Erin glimpsed hers was enough without the 'incident' adding onto it.

No, I would never live that down. But I learned from it. I could do things and push myself to get through them. Like the carrying the weight of this damned backpack that had most of the clothes Lyla had given me stuffed inside of it so I didn't have to explain to anyone where they came from. It was easier to just carry everything with me that meant anything to me.

I paused at the street corner, adjusting my backpack around to pull it off and carry it by hand instead of my back for a while. The straps were killing me by digging into my already bony and sore shoulders. I leaned down adjusting a few of the things inside with a frown before taking a step off of the curb only hear horns blaring at me and headlights inches away from me.

A pair of strong hands jerked me back just as fast as my eyes widened. "You ok?" a low, deep voice asked me releasing their grip. "You're supposed to wait for the walk signal you know."

I squeezed my eyes shut then blinked a couple of times nodding before glancing at whoever it was that had grabbed me. He was tall, and maybe skinny, but I couldn't be sure from th e baggy black hoodie he was wearing. A helmet was on his head, a motorcycle just barely out of the driveway of the house I was standing in front of at the light. "I think so."

"Be careful kid." Were my savior's last words before he walked back to his bike and climbed on, motioning for me to walk on.

Slowly, like my legs were weighed down, I crossed the street with a glance over my shoulder at the guy again. He was gone. "Holy shit Lindsey." I breathed to myself. "What in the hell were you thinking?"

_You were thinking you were tired _I reminded myself. I had a routine of getting up at 9 and getting ready for work while everyone else was still asleep and then I went straight to Diosa and waited around until it was time to open. Then I stayed there until closing which was usually around 1 or 2, just depending on how busy we'd been. The weekends were proving to be worse than the weekdays. Lyla had joked that the first of the month when old folks got their checks were just as bad.

Home was only a couple more blocks away luckily. The trick was making it there without anymore accidents. I yawned sleepily kicking at the asphalt while I walked, maybe one day I'd get a car. Or a license. I frowned when my house came into view, my dad's beater was gone and no lights were on in the house. They must have gotten cash for a fix from somewhere or got invited to get plastered with one of their friends I knew instantly as I walked up the steps to the empty, dark house.

It was strangely peaceful inside. No one yelling. No one puking from an involuntary detox. I took my time in the shower letting the hot water roll over my sore muscles. I'd had to scrub the carpet three times due to spilled drinks and I was feeling it now. The only good thing I had to say about that was that the guy that kept spilling had given me a tip for cleaning up after his pig ass. I shut the water off climbing up to wipe the mirror off with the end of my ragged towel.

The reflection staring back at me was still me. Just with darker hair and my face was starting to look a little more filled out now that I was eating better. I tilted my head side to side, a fake smile frozen in place. I could play the part same as the others… I lifted my wet hair up like it was in a messy up do, leaning closer to inspect my skin. I was pretty enough, Jax had even told Lyla that when he told them I needed a job. His opinion had to count for something right?

I hoped it did. I pulled my pajama top over my head, thinking on the plan I was starting to work up. Nero didn't want me hooking. I was too young, too naïve, too desperate, I could regret it later he'd told me. But Jax was his partner… so if I could convince Jax I was up to the job… I might have a shot. He'd winked at me earlier when the club guys stopped by, so he remembered me… I just had to work up to approaching him. I'd wait a couple of weeks, make a few more appearance improvements, show them that I was doing great at my kitchen work, then I'd try to catch Jax.

It sounded good anyways and it still did the next morning when I got up and got myself dressed and did my make up a little heavier than I normally would have. I was technically off from work today but I was going to go anyways. I didn't have anywhere else to be and I knew I didn't want to be here whenever my parents decided to come back from partying. I grabbed the backpack up after stuffing in the make up bag I now had after a trip to the drugstore for makeup.

It was a nice day, sunny and bright outside. And apparently it was a good day for a hooker because Diosa was hopping when I walked through the doors. Lyla was slammed between answering the phone for pre bookings, the walk ins, the guys that were around the bar, and taking payments. "Oh thank god." She breathed when she saw me. "I could use some help right about now."

"Help? Where's Lisa?" I asked her glancing around the room for the pretty redhead that worked the Goddess Bar and occasionally played 'matchmaker' with Lyla.

"Sick. She called in about ten minutes before her shift. Nero's out with Gemma, and I hate to call him to come back if I don't have to. The girls are busy so I can't pull one of them." Lyla paused in opening a beer bottle. "Go clock in and come back here."

Overtime. Score. I was glad I'd fixed myself up a little today now, my efforts weren't going to waste. Hurrying I punched my time card in the kitchen and went back to where the blonde was clearing away empty glasses. "What can I do?"

"Take their drink orders. Clear the emptys from around the room, ask if they need anything." She instructed me already walking towards her little desk area. "I'll be right over here."

It seemed easy enough I thought to myself looking through the bar to see if anything needed to be restocked. Everything did. I threw more bottles in to cool and grabbed a rag to wipe the bar off with. I stayed steady for the next while, walking back and forth for drinks for the customers that winked and grinned at me as I waited on them. It was amazing for my ego.

Later when things had slowed down some, Jax appeared along with Rat. Jax nodded to me then to Rat as he walked through the building to Nero's office, Rat came and slid down on a stool across from me. "Someone's movin up in the world." he observed with a grin.

"I'm not complaining." I grinned back at him pausing in my work. "Get you anything hon?" I borrowed Lyla's language.

Rat flushed a little at the term 'hon' . "A miller sounds good. Only if you have time. I don't wanna bug. Or I can get it."

I rolled my eyes at him passing the bottle over the counter as I punched the cap off of it with a little clinging sound. "Calm down… geez… I have time. Things are winding down in here, all the girls are busy."

It was true, every girl we had was with a customer already at the moment so the guys that were here were either waiting or walking back out when they didn't see the normal line up. "So you like it then?" Rat asked taking a gulp of the beer.

"I like it." I nodded leaning on the counter to talk to him. "I think I'll stay a while. Maybe work my way up."

Now he was really flushing. "Oh uhh.. You mean…? Wait yeah…" He nodded at me. "Why don't you get a normal job?"

I fixed him with a look, one eyebrow raised. He obviously didn't know I was part of the towns white trash band that had been branded a 'no hire' because of my parents mistakes. Once your mom was caught shoplifting at almost every store in town, no one trusted you behind their register. "Funny, I was wondering the same thing about you."

Rat twirled the bottle around, making wet rings on the counter. "I like being a Son. You like workin in a brothel. Each their own."

"Each their own." I echoed after him giving him a small smile. I could get used to this one, he wasn't as gruff as Jax was, or as threatening as the bald one I'd saw a few times come in with them. He was young, and bored just like I was.

The bored part proved out after Jax left and Rat told him he was staying behind for a while. He sat on his stool while I served drinks to the few stragglers that came in, and chatted with me between the customers. The things I learned about him were simple facts, he liked techno like was playing on the speakers now, Miller beer, he was into horror movies, and he liked pepperoni pizza with pineapple on it. The last thing I discovered when Lyla sauntered over looking tired and asked if we wanted to order out with her before we started the nightly clean up.

We were all sitting around the lounge balancing paper plates on our thighs while we talked and laughed. Lyla seemed to be completely at ease with him making little remarks that made him blush underneath the shaggy mustache he kept pulling on. "So… shouldn't you be tagging along with your buddies tonight?" Lyla teased him flipping her blonde hair around.

I picked at my pizza, pulling the pineapple off before taking a bite, listening to them. I was feeling different… lighter than I had in years. I couldn't remember the last time I'd sat around with friends doing something as simple as eating pizza together and talking like this. Rat was quickly getting thrown into my small pile of people I counted in that category of friends.

"Not tonight. We're…slow." Rat fiddled with the straw on his Coke, he'd given up the beer saying he needed to be able to drive himself back home soon.

"So you two already know each other pretty well then?" I asked instantly feeling stupid afterwards. Of course they did.

Lyla nodded, wiping her mouth with a napkin. "My husband was a Son."

Was a Son, I noticed not 'is' a Son. "Ohhhh….." I didn't try to get her to divulge in any details. "I didn't think you'd be married."

"Yep. Even porn stars have families." She grinned at me leaning back into the couch cushions just as Erin joined us, grabbing her own slice.

"Amen to that. Its what drives us to doing this." Erin sighed sinking down beside me. "Kids have to eat. There's always something that needs to be paid or bought."

Now my eyes really widened. I hadn't imagined they were mothers too. "I didn't know you guys had kids."

Erin nodded, pulling her top up where it started to dip down. "Just one. A little boy whose deadbeat dad doesn't pay child support so it leaves me to hook it."

"I have three." Lyla told me shocking me even more. "Two boys, one girl. 14, 12, and 10."

"None here unless my dog counts." Rat threw in getting eye rolls from all of us.

"No wife at home? No Old Lady?" Lyla asked him making him roll his eyes back at all of us. "I didn't think so."

Old Lady was a term I hadn't heard before. "What's that? Old Lady?" I asked glancing at Rat curiously. "Like a girlfriend?"

Lyla smiled at me, crumpling up the napkin and tossing it on her empty plate. "Sometimes a girlfriend, sometimes they marry the chick. Old Lady is mostly their way of staking a claim on a female that's theirs and only theirs. A biker thing."

I hadn't really been viewing Ratboy as a biker all night but as just a normal person that I was having fun talking to. Now as I was studying him in his kutte beside me, it was in a different light. I knew what the Sons were, what they did, and what they didn't like. I was just having trouble seeing him in that light when he'd been so easy going and nervous all night. "You're not scary at all you know."

Rat made a choking sound on the bite he was chewing. "I can be you know." He coughed a few times.

I had my doubts but I just laughed along with the other two girls. "I guess I should start picking up." I sighed looking at the mess we had to go through before I could leave. "I think I have a million glasses to wash since they won't all fit in the dishwasher."

"I know, I have a ton of receipts to put into the system." Lyla frowned looking like she was starting to dread the task at hand as much as I was. "Thanks for staying and helping out, I know the last thing you probably wanted to do was work on your day off."

"Its cool." I said quickly not wanting her to think I minded because I didn't. I could use the extra hours and it kept me out of the house. "I don't mind." I brushed my hands off on the legs of my pants before standing up.

Rat sat back finishing off his slice of pizza, watching us clean up before he came over to the kitchen where I was washing the glasses and little appetizer plates by hand. "So.. You need a ride home when you get done?" he asked in a shaky voice.

I knew it killed him to ask me, but I knew I couldn't accept it. I didn't want anyone to see where I lived at. It was bad enough I had to put the address down on my paperwork when I got hired, I didn't need anyone to actually look at it too. Especially not a guy that I had a feeling would be back again to chat. "Umm.. No. I usually walk home, its not that far."

"I could walk with you." He tried again, stuffing his hands in his kutte pockets. "I don't mind.

"No its okay." I forced myself to smile at him, staying busy with my hands. "Its really not far at all."

Rat nodded looking like he wanted to argue more but didn't. "Guess I'm headin out then. See ya around Fingers."

Fingers… ughh.. That name. I'd heard Jax say it a few times to Nero in reference to me, I swore they'd all be in complete shock to discover I had a real name. "See ya Rat."

It wasn't long after he left that we were finished and I waved bye to Lyla, refusing her offer of a ride home and Erin's, before walking off down the street. Tonight I was careful and looked before crossing. There was no sign of the guy that saved me the night before in the driveway of the house he'd been at. My own house had lights on in the windows telling me that they were back and probably hungover and in bitchy moods. This was going to be an even longer night than I planned on.

"I heard the damnedest thing today at the grocery store." Mom's too nice voice said the second I stepped foot inside of the house.

It was late… way past the decent time for people to be getting home from work. I stopped in the living room, wishing I'd just slept in the maids closet or something. "What's that?" I asked carefully, avoiding eye contact.

"Annie, the checkout girl, told me that you were workin down at that whorehouse now for those Sons of bitches." Mom snapped standing up with a bang from the recliner when it snapped shut. "I told her there was no way in hell my own daughter would turn against me and go do that kind of trash for work."

"They didn't do anything to you." I argued back, giving myself away without even realizing it. "They just don't like dealers in their town."

Mom's bathrobe was like a tail when she bore down on me with her finger pointing into my chest. "We might be piss poor but we don't fuck for cash or I would have sold your shit years ago honey, trust me."

I stepped back, away from her jabbing. "I don't… I just clean and stuff."

"Bad enough. God damn blood money pays you, you know that? You know the shit that they do?" She yelled angrily with the crazy look in her eyes I knew all too well. "You think it's a big joke going behind my back and working for that sleaze then not giving me any of the money to pay these fuckin bills around here?"

"I don't.. I don't have any money." I pleaded with her when she snatched my backpack, pulling out my stuff. The clothes I'd worn at Diosa hit the floor along with the photography book, Tic Tacs, and my wallet. She grabbed the wallet up quickly, practically ripping it open. "Don't…"

It was too late. She'd found what she was looking for, the little bit of cash I had left from my paycheck. She threw the empty wallet down on the ground, stuffing the money into her bathrobe. "Get out of my house… whore."

I bent down grabbing my clothes from the floor hurriedly. "I don't have anywhere else to go."

"Not my problem, is it? You're old enough to be on your own. Get the hell out of my house!" She was shrieking now. "GET OUT!"

"Mom.. Please.. I'm sorry.." I stood up, clutching the bag against myself. "Just let me stay until I can save up enough to find something."

"GET OUT!" The glass she threw hit the wall inches from my head. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

I knew when it was time to run, and it was way past time. I took off out of the front door back into the wee morning hours with no idea where I was going to. I didn't have any friends and even if I did, I didn't have a cell phone to call them with. I couldn't afford a deposit for one just yet. I took off down the sidewalk at a quick pace just as the tears started to flow. I was homeless. I hadn't even got to grab any of my stuff, not that any of it was that special but still…

I walked around for a while before deciding the back of Diosa was as good a place as any to sit down at. At least it was a familiar area. I hugged my backpack against my chest, letting a last few cries out when I sank to the dew covered grass. I'd just have to be up before anyone else got here in the morning.

**Next chapter has something you might be waiting for….. 4 reviews gets it faster than none.. Just saying :D :D :D **


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow! You guys gave me more than four reviews! Amazing! I'd told a couple of you this would be done yesterday but well… I took a nap instead of writing lol. But I have it all done for you now, and I think you'll really like what happens this chapter. **

**By the way… out of curiosity… have any of you figured out exactly who 'Monster' is referring to? Just wonderin… **

**Another big thanks to TeamBlaus4eva for her help and ideas…. She loves Lindsey and Juice as much as I do. **

**I do not own SOA**

Chapter Four

_I can feel it deep within….. _

I woke up with a crick in my neck and ants crawling over my face when the sunlight started to bear down on me the next morning. I'd somehow managed to fall asleep after jumping and sniffling over any little noise or shadow that freaked me out. I swiped my palm across my cheek knocking them off with a little shiver of disgust. This is what I had been lowered to. This was even lower than being the town's white trash, I was now part of Charming's homeless population.

It was still early enough that it wasn't desert hot outside just yet, but it was warm. I shrugged my jacket off stuffing it into the backpack grateful more than ever that I had been toting my new to me clothes around with me. I'd really be screwed if they'd gotten left behind too. Sitting cross legged partially hidden by the dumpster, I started digging through my bag to see exactly what I had to my name so to speak.

4 outfits that were rolled into sausages so that they fit, a pair of pumps, make up, hairbrush, deodorant, my prized photography book that I'd thumbed through a million times, and my Ziploc baggy of change. At least my mom hadn't taken that too, just the bills. I sat back pouring the change out, counting it slowly. $5.67 total in quarters, dimes, and pennies. I could make it with this… I would figure it out. My first order of business was finding a shower somewhere I could use.

Diosa had full bathrooms in each of the rooms the girls used for clients, but I didn't want to explain to anyone why I needed to use one to get cleaned up in. People were nosy and I didn't want anyone in my shit. I had enough to deal with without the looks of pity and words of sympathy. I'd figure it out…..

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Figuring it out turned out to be a shower at the local truck stop that cost me two bucks and then another couple dollars for body wash that I had to use on my hair too. But still.. I was clean and ready for work with my wet hair pulled into a messy bun that I hoped looked as cute as I thought it did since I didn't have anything to fix my hair with.

But still… I was figuring this out. Already, as I washed dishes and put out fresh bowls of chips and salsa, I had thought of a plan. I'd have to sleep wherever I could since I couldn't afford a place, and I could shower here if I worked it out just right…. The $2 showers were a little steep for my budget but I could stretch it out some… For meals I'd have to satisfy myself with whatever was in the kitchen here, and then when I got paid I could get some more stuff. A bigger backpack being one of them, or ask Nero if I could leave a bag of stuff here somewhere.

"Hey… you ok?" Lyla's sweet sounding voice broke through my thoughts where I was standing in front of the dishwasher.

I glanced up quickly, realizing I'd been zoned out. "Oh.. Yeah. Just thinking on some things."

She gave me a sly look, setting the trap of empties on the counter behind me. "A guy maybe? A certain guy?"

I rolled my dark eyes at her, shaking my head. There hadn't been a guy since the guy that screwed me over. "No guys…I don't really date much." I admitted to her.

She looked surprised as she took herself out fresh glasses to carry back to the bar to restock. "Really? But you're so young…"

"You're young and you don't date." I pointed out to her knowing it had more to do with her husbands death than anything. "I don't asked much and I'm not big on taking the iniative for myself. Plus.. In case you haven't noticed my appearance needs a little help."

Lyla paused in her work, studying me over like she'd done a couple of weeks ago. "You don't need help… You're pretty. Rat seems to think so too." She teased making my cheeks turn hot.

"He's just being nice." I protested following her out to the front, we were a little slow tonight. "So I heard Lisa is runnin the front for a couple of days. You going on vacation?"

She snorted loudly, her French tipped nails making a little tinkering sound on the bottles she was rearranging. "Don't I wish? No, I'm going to Stockton. The guys and Nero are trying to open up a new place with a partner over there. I have to go check in, go over the regulations, the rules, that stuff. Make sure everything is up to par with the girls."

"Like a hooker training course?" I joked sitting down on a stool for a break after I'd pulled a Pepsi for myself and grabbed the chips to munch on.

"Pretty much. How hard is it to suck dick?" She rolled her eyes snatching a chip from the bowl. "I'm pretty sure they'll know what to do already, but Nero wants to make sure."

I grew quiet wondering if Lyla could assist me in my plan before saying "You think I could go?"

Lyla stared at me without saying anything for a moment, and when she did she genuinely seemed surprised. "You're really serious about wanting to move up aren't you? Why?"

I nodded picking a crumb off of the dark blue shirt I was wearing with my dress pants. "I need it Ly… bad. I thought maybe if I talked to Jax, he'd help me with Nero."

She studied me in a different way now. It was almost maternal. "Everything okay at home Lindsey?"

My eyes dropped down to the sleek black bar top, staring at anything but her. "Things are fine. I just want to have extra. I need some stuff."

"You need it so bad you're fine with selling yourself?"

"Letting someone use me for sex isn't anything new to me." I said quietly finally meeting her eyes. "Really.. I can do it. Age is just a number."

Age is just a number…. Sex is just something you have to do in life. If I was going to sleep with anyone ever again, it would only be as a hooker so might as well get paid for it….

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Nothing could ruin my good mood today. Not sleeping outside. Not having to sneak a shower at work. Not even washing my clothes in the sink since I still had one more day until payday before I could go to the laundrymat. It was my birthday.

I already knew what I wanted to buy myself. Every year I bought myself a present since my parents never did. It was usually something small and cheap but this time I was going to splurge a little bit. I'd been going to the Book Nook before work after I woke up and it was too early to show up at Diosa again, and found myself more photography books. They were used, and a little bit worn but they were in my price range and I wanted them. I'd never had a camera of my own, but I knew if I could ever afford one, I'd get one in a heartbeat.

Pictures captured memories, the good and the bad. I loved how you could keep happiness just by snapping the picture at just the right time. I knew I'd be good at it once I got my hands on one. I'd even looked at the photographers shop at his portraits on display and the cameras in the case. I had one picked out just for fun. Until then though… I would have to make do with the books teaching techniques and different types of film.

I ran the small vacuum over the carpet in the lounge, hurrying to get it done before any customers started arriving which I doubted they would. It was only 11 and most people didn't show up at a whorehouse this soon into the day. After 8 was when things were really rockin and rollin around here.

I paused near the darkened window, peering out at the parking lot. The Sons were roaring in together in a pack. Quickly I shut off the vacuum, scurrying to get the cord before they came in. I didn't care what the others thought much, but I wanted to make a good impression on Jax if I really wanted him to help me after I'd been here just a little bit longer. He was my best shot.

Wrapping the cord up, I smiled as brightly as I could when the doors opened letting the sunshine pour into the room when they came in together. Jax kicked his shades up nodding at me. "How's it goin Fingers?"

"Pretty good.. Just cleanin up some.. Nero's in the office if you're lookin for him." I stood up brushing my sweaty palms off on my dark washed jeans, a hand me down from Lyla which was why they were a little bit snug.

"Thanks girl." He touched my shoulder briefly on his way to the office leaving me in the lounge with the rest of his friends.

Rat was the only one I knew by name and on sight. There were more of them than I'd met before when they pulled me out of the dumpster. One in particular caught my eye as I pretended to be busy dusting things off while they made themselves comfortable on the bright red couches and dark leather loveseats lighting up cigarettes. He wasn't the tallest out of all of them, but he looked to be the youngest next to Rat. He had a dark Mohawk with tattoos on either side of it, and beautiful brown eyes that were hard when they fell on me for a tenth of a second before glancing away without paying me any mind. He was gorgeous.

"Hey Rat." I greeted him when I was close enough to him when I picked up the ashtray off of the table by him to empty out into my little housekeeping cart.

Rat smiled at me, his eyes lit up at the sight of me unlike the other guy's had done. "B-busy day?" he stammered then coughed into his hand.

It was cute, how he acted whenever I spoke to him or even when Lyla would give him a friendly smile the couple of times he'd dropped in with Jax. "Not yet… this is the easy part."

"Good… Means we're makin bank." The largest man said. He had wild gray hair that looked like an overgrown bush and glasses. "I'm Bobby." He nodded at me.

"Seems to be good. I don't know though… I haven't been here long." I admitted putting the ashtray back down and reaching for the one beside the man that gave me the heebie jeebies when those cold blue eyes stared at my chest. "Kitchen's been hell." I held up my band aid covered fingers as proof getting a few chuckles from a couple of them.

"Aw, come on, you must be one of the workin girls." Blue eyes told me with a grin that had my skin crawling. "Sweet young lookin thing like you."

Rat glanced at him, but didn't say anything. His face was apologetic when blue eyes kept talking. "You're legal right? We can always get some kitchen hag to do this shit… make our money off of the tight, young, pink pus-" 

Bobby's hand on the back of his head cut him off. "Jesus Christ Tig, chill out. You've already ran out of freebie cards here anyways."

"I'll see you…" I told Rat then nodded at the guys before going to push my cart away while I had the opportunity. Tig was staring me down the entire time, I could feel his eyes burning on my skin. The Mohawk guy was silent and had a bored, vacant look on his eyes.

I shoved the cart into the 'maids' room where the cleaning supplies were kept, mentally going over my to do checklist. It was almost time to go start on the bar supplies and I so did not want to do that with the Sons sitting out there. At least… not with Tig there. Mohawk guy could stay.

I went back out after a few minutes, suddenly wishing I looked a little bit better than in my hand me down clothes and hair pulled up into a ponytail when I noticed Mohawk guy was pacing around the lounge a few feet from the others. He seemed like the kind of guy that would go for more of Lyla's type. Honestly… they all did.

I pulled a stack of napkins out from underneath the counter, folding them into little triangles until Rat wandered over tugging on the hem of his white t shirt. "Sorry about him." He said lowly looking over at Tig. "He's… Tig."

"Hey no sweat. We get weirdos in here all the time." I assured him, or at least I thought we did. I'd never been exposed to the clients much except to peek out the window on the kitchen door at them. "Takes more than that to ruffle my feathers. Especially today."

What happens today?" He asked me slowly, scrunching his face up.

"Its my birthday." I smiled at him flipping the end of my ponytail over my shoulder as I kept moving onto sliding cherries on toothpicks. "The first one I've ever spent away from home."

Rat's face broke into a big grin, a genuine one. "Really? Mine was yesterday."

I nodded, pausing to pop a cherry into my mouth chewing on it slowly. "Yup. The big 2-0. Never thought I'd still be stuck at home and working in a whorehouse."

"Any plans?" He asked leaning across the counter getting whistles from his friends.

"Nah… just work. I can't afford to go out and even if I could, I don't have anyone to go out with." Geez… I was making myself sound like an even bigger loser than I was to him. I swallowed the cherry down, reasoning with my own mind, not a loser though… just honest.

Rat's eyes went to the corner of the lounge where Jax and Nero were emerging from Nero's room together, laughing at something. "How late you here?"

"At least midnight.. Just depends on how many middle aged men decide they need to bang tonight." I joked shutting the top of the little cooler counter part down. "Why?"

"Just wondering….. I gotta go but I'll see you around." He backed away with a smile that I returned then let my eyes go back to the dark skinned man with the Mohawk.

There was something about the way his hips moved when he walked across the carpet to the door that I liked. It wasn't an overdone swagger walk, but it was… something.. I couldn't put my finger on it. The stitches and bruises on his face only made him more attractive. And I knew I really liked the way his cut seemed to fit his body just right over the clingy shirt he had on. Too bad it'd never happen. Guys like that didn't like girls like me…

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"Hey Lindsey? You got a visitor mija." Nero's voice came through the kitchen where I was washing the dirty glasses from the bar in the oversized sink.

"Visitor?" I asked him in amazement. No one knew I worked here, my parents certainly wouldn't be swinging by. I wiped my hands on a dishtowel following him out to the lounge. "Who is it?"

Nero smirked at me but his eyes were grinning. "Said he was a friend of yours."

Rat was sitting on a stool with a beer in hand, a small purple box on the counter in front of him while he chatted up with Erin and Lyla who backed away when I approached. "Happy Birthday." He said pushing the box the towards me with an electric grin.

"Its your birthday?" Nero asked me with a look that said I should have told him. "You didn't say anything."

"I didn't want to make a big deal out of it." I blushed opening the lid on the purple carton. A huge light yellow frosted cupcake with the frosting making a flower was staring back at me. "Thanks." I leaned over hugging him tightly fighting back the tears in my eyes. No one had given me a birthday cake since I was 7. Or even told me happy birthday

"Its just a cupcake." He said patting me on the back like he wasn't used to be hugged by women, and I had a feeling he wasn't. "No big deal Fingers."

I sniffed, squeezing him tightly one last time before pulling away. "It is a big deal… Really.. You have no idea.."

He really didn't. I hated to even eat the cupcake that was in the box. I wished now more than ever I had a camera to snap a picture of it to remember it again and again. "Shit… you made my mascara run." I joked wiping underneath my eyes with my index fingers.

Rat looked around us, his nervous nature coming back. "You wanna go grab pizza or something when you get off?"

"Oh I wish.. I'm not off until late though." I told him apologetically still inspecting my cupcake one last time before I closed the box. "Maybe another time."

"Go ahead. Its slow." Nero said with a nod where he was sitting with Gemma at the bar. Gemma was eyeing me with a raised eyebrow then Rat. "Go have some fun for once."

I didn't want to admit I didn't have any money. I shook my head slowly. "No really.. Its fine. I need the hours." Which wasn't a lie.

Rat looked disappointed but he nodded understandingly at me. "Tomorrow?"

"No tonight. Go. Its on me. We usually do a cake or something for birthdays around here if people tell us instead of being secretive." Nero teased me with his easy going grin. He really wasn't what you'd expect at all for a pimp. Or companionater as he called himself.

Hesitantly, I agreed going to change into a semi dry and clean dry shirt stuffing the other into my backpack before going out to meet Rat in the parking lot. Shit… I'd forgotten about his bike. I'd never rode on one before and I wasn't sure if carrying me 20lb backpack along with going to work. His bike was the typical black and had the little bump seat that I was pretty sure was called a 'bitch seat' in biker language.

I stared at him as I approached him where he was parked and waiting for me, looking at him differently now. Ratboy wasn't ugly, he wasn't old either. He'd never told me how old he was exactly but I was figuring around 28 maybe. He seemed too good to be a Son though, he just didn't have the bad boy look to him like the others had when they stopped in. He was too nervous with women, and shyed easy.

"You expect me to get on that thing?" I asked pretending to be put off with the motorcycle when he held a helmet out to me.

Rat grinned, his mustache twitching with it. "Yup. Just climb on the back and hold on."

He made it sound so damn easy I reasoned as I snapped the helmet on and gingerly threw a leg over the bike. "And now?"

"Now you hold on to me and lean when I lean and don't try putting your feet down." He instructed just before the bike roared to life with a deafening sound.

I wrapped my arms around his middle suddenly aware of just how close we were to each other. I'd never been this close to anyone except for one asshole that I couldn't even begin to compare to Rat. I kept my arms high with my hands clasped over the front of his kutte, noting the new leather smell that kept hitting me with the wind when we started off slowly until pulling out of Diosa.

It felt free. It was like I was flying even though I knew he wasn't really going that fast. I was that girl on the back of a bike that I'd saw so many times around town. It was an amazing feeling, the wind ripping through the ends of my hair that I'd had to let down to fit underneath the helmet. The open air smelled fresh until Rat pulled us into the parking lot of Nikki's Diner, then I was hit with the smell of cheeseburgers.

I slid the helmet off handing over to him to shake my hair around to pull back up again. "Wow."

"Wow huh? And I thought Nikki's would be low class for a birthday dinner." Rat quipped hanging the helmet off of the handle bars. "You been here?"

I gave him a look. "I think everyone that lives in Charming has been here." No need to mention I'd been in there this morning at opening for a 40cent cup of coffee since I was out of other options.

Rat led the way inside, shooting a dark eyed look at the couple of bikes that were parked a few rows over where he'd left his at. "Looks like my friends are here too."

Dread filled my stomach. I could deal with Rat on his own, he was easy going, but I didn't know if I could handle a whole pack of them together. For all I knew he was embarrassed to be seen with me. I kept my eyes downcast while I walked behind him to a booth, happy that no one had spoken to us just yet.

I slid down across from him, shifting my backpack over to the wall. "Busy night." I observed looking at the almost packed diner.

"Usually is." Rat tossed one of the laminated menus at me across the metal napkin holder. "I already know what I'm getting. With pie added on since Nero's paying."

I laughed remembering the cash Nero had shoved at us until one of us finally pocketed it. "He's a good man. It was cool of him to do that."

"He's not so bad. The club likes him. He dates Jax's mom ya know."

"Yeah we've met. She's alright." Personally, I thought she was a little nosy and high strung, but Nero seemed to have it pretty bad for her so I figured she had to be a decent person. Even though he was an ex gang banger, I didn't see Nero keeping company with anyone that wasn't decent underneath their layers of criminal activities.

I let my eyes drop down to the menu searching for the biggest cheeseburger they had, and maybe some cheese fries when Rat's friends decided to drop by on their way out of the door. I kept my eyes down, careful not to look at them directly. Rat was chatting away when I felt Rat nudge my leg underneath the table. "Hmm? Sorry." I apologized finally looking up.

"I said happy birthday." Bobby told me with his same grin from the other day.

I saw him then. The one with the Mohawk. He was standing a couple of feet back, a toothpick sticking out between two lips that were perfectly shaped, the same vacancy in his eyes that was there before. He was silent listening to the other two talk, completely expressionless. I let my eyes take advantage of his complete distraction, looking him over again. Tattoos up his arms, the bruises had faded some more, and his pants were still tight but hanging low at the same time. I was in awe of this man.

Bobby motioned for him that it was time to go then gave me a nod before walking past. Mohawk guy's eyes glanced at me briefly but he was silent as he walked on by. I wasn't even worth a nod or a hello from this guy. It didn't make him any less fun for me to look at though. Seeing him had stirred something inside of me that I hadn't felt in a long long time…


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and follows last chapter! This story has officially taken off, it may seem that things are slow but remember Season Six was a day by day season so I'm having to stuff as much as I can into this. For those that asked, you'll see exactly which episode we're on in the next couple of chapters when we get to "You Are my Sunshine"**

**Only one of you guessed it right on exactly who 'Monster' is describing. :D :D **

Chapter Five

_Monsters are great at disguising themselves…. Too bad I never even saw it coming…._

Hooker 101 was easily the most hilarious thing I'd ever tried to have a serious conversation about with anyone. It'd played in my favor that I always got to work early when I got there two days later and saw Lyla loading up a large Rubbermaid container into the backseat of her Prius.

"Goin somewhere?" I asked her nodding at the back of the car when she stepped back to slam the door shut.

Lyla ran a hand over her blonde locks, nodding back at me. "Diosa Stockton for Hooker 101 with the girls over there and Collette."

Collette. I'd heard about her but hadn't yet to meet the woman that was in charge of the other house. She was my next hope after Jax. How I'd get to Stockton, I wasn't sure, but I'd figure it out if I needed to. I adjusted my backpack noting that it was getting heavier each payday with the small things I was stuffing in. If I kept it up much longer I'd need a second bag to tote around town with me or to find somewhere safe to leave a few things.

"Ohhh…" I scuffed the toe of my sandals around the door step, wondering if I was being completely skipped over even after telling her I was interested.

"Nero said if you were interested in learning, then you could tag along. But not to expect anything out of it, he hasn't changed his mind."

I brightened up instantly at her words intrigued at the idea of what she could possibly be going over with them and slightly nervous that I might have to admit my experience was minimal and humiliating. "You think I could catch a ride?" I asked her with what I hoped was a winning grin.

"I figured. Get in. I'll call Nero from the road and tell him you're not here today. He's out with Gemma. Some club shit went down." She rolled her dark eyes as she walked around to the drivers side to get in.

I climbed into the passenger side after tossing my backpack into the backseat beside the container. "Maybe I should have changed before we left." I had on a pair of leggings I bought when I got paid and a tunic top that was slightly oversized along with my sandals. Not your typical classy wear.

"Nah you're fine." Lyla rolled the window down, lighting up a cigarette while she drove. "You smoke Fin-Lindsey?" she stopped herself before finishing off my nickname.

"Not really, no." I still took the cigarette she offered me, deciding to try my hand at it. Maybe it would distress me some.

God knows I had enough to be stressed about without it. Nowhere to stay, having to decide between saving up for a place or getting the things I needed now. I'd almost been tempted to take Rat up on his offer after our burgers when he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and play xbox for a while, just to be somewhere. I'd turned him down though, I had a feeling xbox wasn't what he wanted to play and I wasn't sure how I felt about that just yet.

The drive to Stockton didn't take long for us. We were over the bridge and cruising into the neighborhood by the docks soon enough. The house we pulled up in front of was huge. It looked Victorian or something close to it. Nothing like Nero's Diosa.

I followed Lyla into the house helping her carry in her things, frowning a little when I saw the giant bag of bananas. What had I gotten myself into? _You asked for it _I reminded myself. The skinny older blonde sitting in the lounge area stood when she saw us coming through. "Hey girls." she greeted us holding out her hand to grasp Lyla's free one. "Right on time."

Collette I realized from the air of importance that she was giving off when she waved to a pretty redhead telling her to get the others. "We closed for a couple of hours, just to make sure no one misses anything." She gave me a friendly smile. "Are you one of Nero's girls?"

I blushed, not being able to help it and shook my head no quickly. "I work for him, just not as an escort." I explained helping Lyla pull apart the papers that she'd printed about safe sex. Wow.. This was going to be like a middle school health class.

And it was but wasn't at the same time. I sat on one of the chairs listening to Lyla talk about making sure the customers always wrap it up and if you give or get oral to use a dam. I hadn't even known there were dams. I chewed on my bottom lip looking down at the paper in my lap, it was listing the different type of sex and which ones should be considered 'specialty' and be charged extra for.

STD's were next on her list of topics. Everyone gets tested monthly and if you experience symptoms, tell someone and don't accept anymore customers until you're cleared. I knew I didn't have anything, I'd die if I did catch anything. Birth control was next. All the girls got free birth control on Diosa in their form of choice. Well that was a job bonus I thought to myself reading down the list of birth controls they offered. And then finally….. Did anyone need any tips on things?

I felt closer to 12 than 20 as I listened to the redhead that greeted us complain that she couldn't deep throat properly without gagging. Heck, I couldn't deep throat at all. Giving head wasn't even something I'd done a lot of. An elbow jabbed into me from the left. "Here." The blonde beside me said handing me a banana. "Pass them on."

"Okay everyone that's having problems just follow me step by step." Lyla called out above the low chatter. "I like to start off by massaging the sac some, then I work my tongue over lick up the length itself a couple of times, swirl the very tip around the head, it drives them crazy, then dip it back down the underside. Perfect" She told one girl nodding approvingly at her students. "Now.. The trick is once you start going down on it is to swallow a little at a time. Don't just pop it in and see how far back you can go with it. Work the cock down little by little until its in your throat. It helps majorly with your gag reflex."

I didn't know anyone here but Lyla so I had no shame whatsoever in following her directions and holding back my embarrassed smile when she patted me on the shoulder when she walked around the room watching us go down on our bananas. "Good job… Now.. What else are you guys having issues with? I think we all pretty much know what to do from here on a blow job."

Everyone laughed except for me. I was mentally filing notes away as Lyla went over tricks to do in bed. It wasn't so bad after all. I waited until we were in the car to bring up something else that had been on my mind since seeing how she interacted with any male. "Hey Ly? Do you think I.. " I searched for the right words to use. "Are there pointers for personality too?"

She laughed loudly, giving me a sideways look. "Well you want to act friendly of course. Bubbly. Seductive."

I wasn't seductive. I'd never seduced anyone in my life. "How do I.. talk?" I asked with my pen poised over the notes I'd already taken. "Like you?"

"What do you mean hon?"

"Like that." I said with a nod, pulling at my seatbelt. "The hon, and baby, and stuff. What else is there?"

A lot apparently. By the time we were back inside Diosa putting everything back into the maid's storage room, I'd learned how to sweet talk a man in my 'girl' voice. It was a day of new things for me all around. Now I just needed to be able to put it all to good use.

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I needed a hot meal as bad as I hated to spend the cash on one. I hadn't had one for two since I'd been snacking on the bar fruits and chips at work to fill me up. But now I was plain old hungry with the local soup kitchen as my only option. I smelled good at least, I'd just got done sneaking in a shower at Diosa before they opened to the customers and luckily it was my day off.

I'd managed to sneak in while Lyla was taking the trash out. I'd taken off down the hallway at warp speed into a room nearest the emergency exit so that I could slip back out. The problem was that when I slipped back out, Lisa was standing in the hallway talking to Charlotte and I couldn't. I'd been forced to walk back out into the lounge and pretend that I'd just got there.

Gemma was there perched on a bar stool sipping what looked like some type of whiskey on the rocks. Jesus, it wasn't even quite noon yet I realized. What kind of life made you drink before it was even dark outside? I paused a few stools down from her trying to rearrange my backpack around so that the things inside weren't poking my back at odd angles while I walked.

"You always carry that thing around." It was more of a statement than a question from Gemma who was watching me closely.

I nodded slowly deciding that ignoring her wasn't an option. "I like having everything I need." I lied knowing it sounded completely ludicrous.

Gemma's mouth twitched. She knew I was lying. Luckly Nero came out of the office just then saving me further interrogation. "You headin out baby?"

Nero leaned against the counter, one hip propped up beside her. "You know it Mama. Got business to take care of. Gotta make a run over to Stockton."

My ears perked up at that. I shot a glance at Nero wondering if it'd been seen as eavesdropping then knowing it was my only chance, I risked it. "Could I get a ride in since you're headed out?"

"Sure thing Fingers. Any place special?" He asked me with his normal smile. Gemma was eyeing me again with that look in her eyes.

"Just town… saves me the walk." I smiled back at him happy that I could save my beat up sneakers from more endurance. And my legs.

Gemma squashed her cigarette out as she stood up slinging her black purse over her arm. "I'll take her. I'm headed to TM. Gotta check up on things."

Ughh… I didn't want to be alone with her. She didn't like me. I might have been one of Nero's girls, but I certainly wasn't one of hers. "Oh I don't want to bother you."

"Its fine sweetheart. I'll meet you out by my truck." She nodded at the door pointedly with her long dark hair swaying in motion.

"See you tomorrow." Nero told me lifting a hand as a goodbye.

"Tomorrow." I headed towards the double doors praying Gemma drove like a bat out of hell. As much as I didn't want to be alone with her in a vehicle, I couldn tbe rude and say I didn't need a ride after all either.

It wasn't until we were a few minutes into the ride that she started the small talk up. "So how's your mom been?"

I was staring out of the passenger window. "She's good." I said without much emotion. I hadn't known they knew each other.

"She still clean houses?"

"Not anymore. She.. Hurt her back." I lied again careful not to look Gemma in the face at all. I didn't want to say that she'd gotten to the point she couldn't work at all anymore. Neither of my sorry ass parents could.

"That's a shame." Her truck slowed when we turned a corner. "I have to run in TM real quick, then I'll drop you on my way to St. Thomas. Gotta see the grandkids."

TM was a lonely looking lot when we pulled in. The bikes were in a short row, only six of them, with just a couple of vehicles here and there. I'd never really set foot here before, but it looked normal enough. There were no scantily clad women running around, or drunk bikers hanging about. Could Samcro actually be running a real business? Hmmm….

Gemma left the truck running when she slid out. "Be right back."

I looked around again spotting a few leather clad guys starting to mill around when I spotted him. The guy with the Mohawk. I stared at him from behind the dark tinted window, grateful that he couldn't see me checking him out. His Dickies were tight on him, his kutte just a clingy to the body I knew would be amazing underneath it. He moved with that swagger same as he had a few days ago, not quite as confident as his companions, but still.. It had the air of attitude and danger.

What was he like? Was he friendly? An asshole? He could be another Ratboy, all grins and manners. Or he could be a creeper like Tig had been. He appeared to be younger than the others with the exception of Rat. Was he single? I studied him harder watching him stop to talk to a graying man.

I wanted him. I'd never really wanted anyone in my life so that was something new for me to be lusting after a dirty biker. I wanted him to notice me, talk to me. I zoned out picturing how it would go down…

Mystery man would sidle up to the bar on one of the nights I worked behind it with a sexy grin just for me. Ask my name. I'd tell him with one of newly learned flirty smiles and a flip of my hair. Then he'd tell me what great eyes I had, how I'd caught his eye instead one of the other girls. I'd laugh and make some kind of a witty comment that would earn me another grin. I'd ask his name, then we'd small talk for a few minutes before he'd lean in and say quietly "Fingers… hey… hey Fingers? You okay?"

I shook my head snapping back to reality with a pang of emabarassment when I realized Jax was leaning across the drivers seat snapping his fingers at me with a frown on his scruff covered face. "What? Uhh.. Yeah. I'm good."

"They keeping you so busy you can't focus away from there or what?" He smirked drawing back out to stand straight beside his mother.

I saw opportunity staring me right in the face. I licked my lips quickly, sitting up straight glad that I'd already cleaned up for the day. "Diosa has been pretty slammed." I dared a look at Gemma before saying "Maybe you guys could use another girl."

Jax's mouth turned up into a grin. "I usually leave that to Nero doll. I just collect a cut. He's the brains."

"But.." I started then stopped to choose my words more carefully. "I was hoping maybe you could… suggest it."

"I could, but why would I?"

I had to do this just right to be taken seriously I knew. "A girl can always use some extra cash. Your guys even said I could be working the rooms instead of the kitchen."

"I don't know about that." He said uneasily raking a hand through his blonde hair shaking his head. "If Nero said no then he said no."

"He only said no because he doesn't think I'll actually do it." I said with my heart pounding in my chest. I was getting closer. "I need something more than minimun."

Gemma was silent, listening to me plead with her son to sell me to his customers at her boyfriends brother. "I can do it Jax. I know I can. I went with Lyla to Stockton and everything. She's been teaching me the ropes."

He rolled a cigarette between his fingers looking thoughtful. "I tell you what Fingers, you prove yourself, and I'll see what I can do."

I knew what he meant by prove myself. "You'll talk to Nero?"

"Don't make me regret it." He pointed at me, backing away slowly. "I'll see you later Mom."

Gemma climbed into the truck with a little smirk playing on her face as she backed out. When we drove past the guys by their bikes, she said "See anything you like over there? You were staring kind of hard for a day dream."

My face burned with being caught ogling one of her guys. I knew she treated them all like sons. "No. Just.. Zoned out. Is all."

"Hmmm…"

We rode in silent until I told her she could drop me off at the bookstore where I normally pilfered through a few times a week. I thanked her before climbing out, waiting until I saw her truck pull away before turning and walking back to the line at the soup kitchen and joining it. It wasn't too horribly long, but it wasn't short either. I stood in line, not daring to hop out for a seat on the sidewalk even when my legs ached from being in the same place for so long.

"Sucks doesn't it?" A friendly feminine voice sighed behind me.

I turned around to face a girl around my age with the reddest hair I'd ever laid eyes on, and huge almond shaped brown eyes. "The food or the line?" I joked moving up some when the person in front of me did.

"Both." She smiled shifting her own bag around. "Especially lugging this shit around town."

"Tell me about it." I rolled my eyes, enjoying talking with her while I waited. "I thought I was early."

"Nah. 9 is early for this place."

I held out my hand introducing myself "Lindsey."

"Emelie." She shook it with another bright smile. "I don't think I've saw you around here before. You new to this?"

"To the soup kitchen or town?" I asked her slipping my thumbs through my backpack straps.

"Either or." Emelie shrugged pulling her hair back into a ponytail expertly without a brush.

I was hesitant to talk about myself but what did I really have to lose by talking to another homeless person? "The soup kitchen. I grew up in Charming." I explained. "You?"

"Both. My aunt threw me out and I hitchhiked around until I made it here. I liked the way the name sounded. I'm from Fresno."

We chatted some more until we got to the door to grab our trays of food, then sat together while we ate. I felt a commaderie with Emeile that I just didn't feel with the Diosa girls that I'd been making friends with since starting there. Emelie was dealing with the same shitty hand in life that I was. It felt good to be able to talk and not hide anything . It felt even better to have someone on your back during the night when you were trying to get a couple hours of uncomfortable sleep in. Things were definitely looking up for me.

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I leaned closer towards Rat underneath the cover of our little hideout from the rain and everyone else that was still inside Diosa. "Hey Rat?"

He held his cigarette out to me, exhaling. "Yeah?"

I dragged hard, trying to kill time before I said what I wanted to. I exhaled slowly, letting the smoke come out in tiny puffs. "Whose that guy with the Mohawk that comes with you sometimes?" I finally asked him before I lost my little bit of bravery.

Rat looked sullen before he answered me in a quiet voice. "Juice. He's… did he say something to you?"

"No, nothing like that. Just wondering who he was is all." I tried to cover quickly. I passed him back his cigarette. "Just saw him around a few times. He doesn't speak."

"Probably won't Not to you." Rat sounded a little too happy about that but I felt my heart sink. "Doubt you'll see him much anyways. He doesn't usually leave the clubhouse much with the rest of us."

I shivered and leaned in more, pressing my leg against his trying to get warm. I didn't have a jacket with me, and was wearing a sequin covered tank top and skinny jeans and gladiators. I'd freeze tonight out in the open. "Ohh…. You won't get in trouble for being here will you?"

"Nope… I'm done for the night. I just thought I'd come hang out for a while if you were on break. Nero's out with Gemma, I knew you'd be able to sneak out."

Rat reached over, pushing a piece of my damp hair off of my forehead. "Thanks." I shied away from his touch. "I should get back inside, its almost time to clean up."

"You need a ride home tonight?" He offered like he always did when he was here lately. He pushed off the asphalt holding a hand for me to pull myself up with.

"Not tonight. I uhh.. Its cool." I gave him a smile that Lyla had taught me. "But thanks hon." I threw in the 'hon' to see if it worked the way she'd told me it would. It did. His face softened into an easy grin. "I'll see you around later though."

He gave me a lazy wave goodbye making a dash for his bike in the light drizzle that was slowing down. I frowned watching him from the doorway. I didn't know much about motorcycles but I hoped he'd make it back home alright in the slick conditions. I stood there watching him leave until Nero's Ford pulled up into his parking space. I straightened up some, a smile ready for the older man when he climbed out of the truck. "How's it goin?"

Nero shoved his hands into the pockets of the sweater type thingy he was wrapped in. "I just had the most interesting conversation with Jax. He said you wanted to start workin full service."

I dropped my gaze, nodding silently while he continued on. "You're dead set on this then? You sure you want to do this? You can't come back from that once you start. It ain't glamorous either honey."

"No but it pays." My voice was thick sounding to my ears. "I know what I'm doin here."

"We'll see on that. You gotta work your way up to that. Find a client willing to take someone that's new to the game. Start off slow." He advised me opening the doors to Diosa. "Have Charlotte teach you how to do massages, how to do the small things first. Jax said if you could prove yourself, you got the job."

I followed after him into the office happily, eyes shining again. "I won't screw this up Nero." I promised stopping in the doorway. "I can make it happen."

"Yeah well, we'll see about that." He paused in his plundering around the papers that were on the desk. "You walkin tonight?" There was a curiosity there that hadn't been any other time he'd asked the question.

I shrugged my thin shoulders. "Yeah. Not a big deal." The big deal was where I could sleep that I wouldn't get drenched. "Just a mile or so."

"Why don't you just crash here on the couch in the lounge or something? Or take the bed in my room for the night. I don't like you out walkin so late alone. Bad things happen to girls out late on their own." His voice was tense on the end. "Charming ain't so Charming at the moment."

"Yeah okay. I might just do that then." I nodded appreciatively. "Thanks." I let my eyes go to the clock above the bed. "I better go help Lyla."

Charming wasn't so Charming the words echoed in my ears. What exactly could be happening in this town? I frowned some replaying anything I'd saw in the paper then it hit me. The school shooting, alleged gang activity, and the trouble over at TM last night. Mayberry was starting to look more like Belfast with the craziness going on. And the Sons were at the center of everything. One Son in particular was still on my mind as I cleaned with Rat's conversation replaying. His name was Juice.


	6. Chapter 6

**Once again, I really appreciate the reviews for the last few chapters. I'm glad you all like this story. **

**You'll notice I added in a couple of more days between events. Right now we are roughly on the day before they bring down the police transport, and end with the actual day. Right now Lindsey is not involved with the club so I can't really write her in a lot of their activities. The Next chapter will be in "You are my sunshine" **

**I am sorry if there are any mistakes in this chapter or the others, I do not have a beta to look it over and I know I'm missing stuff when I reread. **

**I will try to get the story cover uploaded at some point so you can see what Lindsey looks like, TeamBlaus4eva very generously made it for me. **

Chapter Six

_Even monsters are pretty behind a mask… _

I leaned down over the massage table, my lower back was starting to hurt from being bent over for so long. "Better?"

"A little. You don't use enough force though. You have to put some ass into it." Lisa instructed me from where she was sprawled out onto the comfy surface with only a towel around her lower half.

My hands were starting to cramp up from my massage lesson, my back hurt, and I still had to sneak a shower in before I left. "I don't have an ass."

Lisa rolled over sitting up with no shame at all of being completely bare in front of me. She shook her long black hair out of its clip. "Mmm not what some of the regulars around here and saying. A few of them have asked when you'll be available now that words getting around."

A little burst of excitement bloomed in my chest. "Really?! Maybe.. " I stopped myself trying not to seem overly eager. "I mean.. maybe I'll move up soon."

I'd been giving second rate massages for a couple of days with the promise to move up once a suitable client walked through the door. Nero didn't want to give me a client and then me not be worth the services rendered. I didn't think I'd completely suck in bed, but the others had their own reservations about it apparently.

"Maybe. A few of the girls are talking shit too you know. Say that you're only working because you're the Sons little pet."

I frowned at that. I'd gotten my job fair and square hadn't I? No, not really I realized. I'd gotten hired because Jax felt sorry for me and then duped him into putting in a word with Nero. And truth be told if I was anyone's little pet it was Nero's. I'd been sleeping on the couch in the lounge here and there with the occasional nap in his room. The OG was good to me. Too good.

"Maybe I should set everyone straight." I blew the few pieces of stray hair out of my eyes. "Its not like I don't pull my weight around here."

Lisa slipped a robe on shrugging her tanned shoulders. "Just letting you know what they're sayin doll. You off the rest of the day?"

Nodding, I started picking up the massage supplies we'd spread out in the room. "Yeah. I'm going to FunTown in a hour. I gotta haul ass to get ready. I might just shower here." It seemed like the perfect time to throw that in.

"Hot date huh?"

That had me laughing. I threw the towels in the dirty basket in the bathroom a few feet away pausing to see if I'd need to go grab myself any for my shower. "Its not a date. Definitely not a hot one either. Ratboy's taking me."

My words seemed to only feed the rumor she'd just told me about. Her lips curled up into a little smirk. "You be careful with those guys Fingers. I'll see you later."

Be careful… the same thing Nero had said. Did everyone else know something about the Sons that I didn't know? I hurried through my shower to be ready before Rat got here. The last thing I wanted was for him to show up and the girls see me leave with him. It wasn't a date anyways. He'd never even tried anything unless a hug counted, which my limited experience told me it didn't. No penetration, no count.

After being spruced up some by Lyla, I was ready for my first ever trip to a carnival. I was excited the most dorky way to be going. What kind of rides were there? Cotton Candy? Were we going alone? My questions raced through my mind as I made my way to the front of the building to wait outside. I stepped out into the sunlight, nodding at Fiasco and Gomes. "Hey guys." I greeted them.

"What's up Fingers." I was greeted with head nods and once overs from the two Bzy Lats that were holding up the wall while they smoked.

They weren't too bad. I'd spoken with them a few times here and there since I started working at Diosa. They were Nero's closest friends which meant they would be friendly with me if I was friendly with them. I made small chat with the two of them until I heard the now familiar rumbling sound of a bike pulling into the parking lot. "I gotta go guys." I smiled apologetically slinging my purse over my arm. "Adios." I threw in a wink just to see if it would have any effect on either of them. It did. I was getting better at this hooker stuff.

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FunTown was well.. Fun. The bright lights and carousel music were setting the mood of a carefree laid back day. I walked alongside Rat wondering exactly what was bringing an entire group of Sons to a place like this. "Soo…. I didn't picture this as a big biker hangout." I joked.

Rat shrugged slurping noisily on the slushie he'd just bought as soon as we talked through the gates. "We go places."

"Somehow I think there's an ulterior motive here, but I'm not going to complain about getting to tag along."

"Boss has kids." He said simply, his dark eyes going to a woman with a blonde haired little boy waiting in line at the giant slide. "Someone has to watch them."

It didn't seem so bad as the day went on. Everywhere Jax's wife went, we followed after her along with Tig or sometimes Bobby . There were always eyes on her. Always one of them to push the stroller or sit with the baby inside of it while she went on a ride with the older boy. It looked like all she had to do was ask, and she'd receive.

For all the wariness of everyone else, being involved with one of them didn't look bad at all. Not even when she snapped at Rat for standing outside the bathroom while she went in. I didn't understand why it would piss her off so bad. The security of having someone care enough to put a watch on you for safety. It was strange however, that Jax himself wasn't here. But I kept my thoughts to myself and kept a distance while we walked around.

My body leaned into towards Rat while we cracked up over the clowns getting dunked under by Tig over and over as we walked away from the debacle. I pulled a piece of cotton candy off of my stick, loving how soft it felt underneath my fingers. I hadn't had it in years. Maybe 15 years. "This is so good… I can't even begin to tell you how much I really _really _appreciate you bringing me."

Rat shrugged it off like it was no big deal, swiping a bite of my cotton candy. "Hey you said you'd never been on the tilt a whirl, what was I suppose to do? Leave you at Diosa to work overtime?"

"My parents didn't exactly think carnivals were a priority when I was growing up. I was lucky to get fed once a day." I smirked stopping at the dart throw game with him, munching on the fluffy sugar some more while he paid for a few throws.

"You make it sound like I grew up in Disneyworld or something." He threw the third one, puncturing the balloon instantly. "Pick out something."

It was cheesy, and corny, but I was excited at how he was treating me. No one had ever taken me anywhere. "Mmmm…. The big teddy bear." I pointed to it at the top. "Bet you can't get it."

"Be ready to lose that bet." Rat challenged me getting more darts from the carnie. I watched on while he hit balloon after balloon and laughing when the carnie pushed the gigantic stuffed animal at me.

"How are we getting it back?" I giggled hugging it against myself. "I don't think we'll fit on the back of your bike."

Rat slung the teddy bears arm over my shoulder like it was hugging me. "We'll figure it out. Someone will be in the van today."

I stopped with him at the food truck while he got a funnel cake, making a face when he offered it out to me. "I think I'll puke if I keep eating this much sugar and fried food."

"Aw, that's the fun of a carnival." Bobby's voice said beside me carrying his own heaping pile of fried dough and powdered sugar with a couple of the guys in tow. "The kid win you that?"

I smiled at the older man, liking him all over again. "He did… I didn't think he could…" I shifted the bear over to sit on the picnic table beside us where Bobby was dropping down to sit at along with the bald headed Son that terrified me in a different way than Tig when his inky eyes glared at me.

"Just showin the girl a good time." Rat defended himself getting 'aww's and smirks from his friends. "Hey… she's never been to a carnival."

I spotted him then. The Mohawk wearing Son, Juice, was coming over with a plate of nachos and a lemonade. I inhaled sharply, staring at him in a way I hoped wasn't too obvious. His Dickies rode low on his hips, and his shirt showed off a body I knew would be rock hard if I ever got to touch it. Juice looked up, meeting my eyes and holding me in a stare that gave away absolutely nothing.

I looked away first, biting down on my bottom lip then let it go remembering I'd put on make up today at Lyla's request that I 'look a bit girly' if I was going out. It was her that had curled my hair that we'd redyed dark brown instead of its normal bright blonde, and picked my clothes out from the large bag I had stored away inside one of the vacant rooms. Jeggings, brown boots, and a sleeveless shirt that she said made my eyes looked bright since it was a bright red.

"Who's your friend Rat?" A low, almost hoarse voice asked making the hair on the back of my neck stand up when I realized whose it was. Juice. Holy shit.. It was happening.

Rat looked over at me then Juice with a shrug. "You know her… Fingers."

"Lindsey." I corrected him with an eye roll without even thinking about. "My names _Lindsey_, not Fingers like these jerks keep saying it is."

Juice didn't say anything else, he just looked at me some more while he munched on his nachos beside Bobby letting the bald headed Son eat off his plate. Him asking who I was was enough to make my day. My week even. He'd noticed me.

"C'mon… lets go check out some more rides." Rat urged me nudging my arm gently. "Get you the whole carnie experience."

I gave the guys a wave. "Guess that's my cue… see you."

"You just might." Came that deep voice again that made my heart jolt and Rat scowl.

That alone made my day without the rides and sugar filled food. I was still floating on cloud 9 when I made it back to Diosa that night. I didn't mind that I was going to curl up on the sofa in Nero's room that was really too small to sleep on. I didn't mind that I'd have to be up at the crack of dawn to go to the soup kitchen for breakfast. Nothing could ruin this. I knew what the phrase "walking on sunshine" meant now.

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That good mood only got better the next day after I'd waved goodbye to Emelie to head back to Diosa. We'd only known each other a few days and we already had an understanding. The understanding was that we'd meet each morning at the soup kitchen for breakfast to sort of check in with the other, make sure we were both still alive. I almost felt guilty that I'd been sleeping on the couch or in Nero's bed whenever she told me she'd crashed in the cemetery the night before.

I honestly didn't know how much longer I could go on this way though. It was embarrassing for people to know my situation even if no one had exactly said it aloud. Nero somehow knew I didn't have anywhere else to go. Lyla hinted at it a couple of times whenever she offered for me to come home with her for a night and do my laundry. And Erin gave me these little looks of pity whenever she saw me slipping out of Nero's room before we opened.

Today when I made it into Diosa though, I had two massages booked for later in the afternoon. Those I could do after only learning the ropes for a few days. With any luck by next week I'd be making the big bucks. Which was good since I had to cover my new work expenses. I needed nails, more make up, lingerie, heels, cute little outfits, and the birth control was free at least. And the condoms.

"So how was the date yesterday Linds?" Lyla asked me leaning across the black bar while I put the fruit into the little drop in spots.

I popped a cherry between my teeth biting down so that the juice sprayed out. "It wasn't a date, I told you that."

She rolled her eyes picking at her nails now. "If a man takes you somewhere and he pays, it's a date. Did he at least make a move?"

"Not unless buying me a clown hat counts as a move." I said wryly grabbing another piece of fruit more out of habit than hunger. "Or letting me tag along while he follows Jax's wife around."

Lyla's eyes cut back up instantly at my words. "Is that what he was doing? I swear…"

Shrugging, I moved around trying to finish up before we opened the doors up for business. "She was pretty bitchy about it. I thought it was sweet."

"You don't-" Her reply was cut short by someone banging on the door loudly then trying to handle. "Seriously?" She grumbled slipping her heels on before walking over to open it.

She cracked the door open just a sliver. "We're not open. Ohh.. Its you." She stepped back opening the door wider. "Give me a minute and I'll call him."

Rat stepped inside with his eyes hidden behind a pair of black sunglasses along with Juice and another caramel skinned guy I didn't recognize. "We'll wait."

I gave him a little smile not stopping with my work as I moved around putting out the chips and salsa. Lyla had Nero on the phone talking quickly before hanging up. "He's on his way." She told them. "Just a few minutes. Want a drink while you wait?"

Rat shook his head no but the other two nodded. I was on top of it before Lyla could even make it back to the bar to grab them beers. I snatched two bottles out of the cooler along with the bottle opener to pop the caps off without popping off the nails I'd just dished $40 out for. I slipped out from behind the bar, my eyes already on him. Juice.

I handed the guy I didn't know his beer first, then walked over to Juice trying to hold it out with a steady hand. "Here you go honey."

Juice looked up staring straight into my face. He had the most beautiful eyes I'd ever saw on a man. "Thanks… Lindsey." My name fell off of his tongue with him lifting the "ey" up in a way that had me nervous all over again.

"Your welcome." I gave him a smile fighting the urge to stand there and gawk at him some more. "Let me know if you need anything else."

I walked back over to the bar doing the little walk I'd picked up from watching Lisa strut around, hoping like hell I looked more like she did than the jacked up walk I felt like I was doing. I slipped behind the counter beside Lyla trying not to stare when Juice turned his back to talk to the other dark skinned man.

I couldn't help it though. He wasn't wearing a kutte today, just jeans and a plain white shirt with boots. He looked young, it might have been the tattoos on his head though. I felt a poke into my ribs ripping me away from my ogling. "What?" I turned to Lyla mortified that I'd been caught.

She had a smirk on her pretty face that told me she knew who I'd been checking out. "He's single ya know." She told me quietly sliding onto a stool.

"Who is?" I pretended not to know who she was talking about daring to sneak another look as the three of them huddled up talking in low voices.

"Juice. He's single. Been single since I've known him." Lyla glanced over at him. "You got a thing for him?"

My face was giving me away even when I shook my head. "I don't even know him. I just…"

"Want to lick whipped cream off his chest before you see if the rumor he shaves everything is true?" Lyla snickered.

That gave me a whole new visual. "I'm not interested. I can look." My tone took on a defensive nature. "I talked to him yesterday. He asked what my name was." I sounded oddly proud of that when I said it aloud.

"Mmmhmmm.. And what about Ratboy? You interested at all there?" She asked me with a raised eyebrow, her fingers moving to crack open a peanut from the dish.

Was I interested in Rat? Or just as friends? I frowned a little looking at him next. "I don't think so. He's sweet but…"

"But he doesn't have the same bad boy qualities that has you staring Juice down like a dog wanting a bone."

I cut my eyes at her for her little analogy and then cracked up along with her not even able to deny it again. I had it bad for this mohawked biker and we'd only exchanged a few simple words.


	7. Chapter 7

**Big thanks to OctoberMarieDavis for betaing this for me, I knew there things I was missing! Also to TeamBlaus for idea pitching with me pretty much every day,night, and early morning hours Lol. **

**And for the couple of people that asked… No Lindsey doesn't look like the girl from the episode of You are my sunshine…. I'm uploading the cover art for this story so you can all see her…. TeamBlaus4eva made it for me so all credit to her for the picture. **

Chapter 7

_Now you'll see…. He's a monster under the mask… _

The day had an eerie feel to it when I woke up that morning. Something just seemed off about it. Almost as if something major was happening and I just didn't notice it. Or didn't know about it. I rubbed the graying man's back with slow soft circles. "How's that feel hon?" I asked him in my sweetest voice.

"You're hittin just the right spots baby." He tilted his head to grin cheesily up at me. "How about you get the front too?"

I gave him a smile with a shake of my head rolling my fingers over the back of his neck. "Not this time. If you're interested in something more… stimulating than this though, I'll be more than happy to grab Yvette for you."

He shook his head laying it back down on the little pillow I had on the table. "I can wait it out for you to be in business. If I'm paying its going to be for something high class and new."

High class and new. That was an odd way to describe me. High class was a joke if I'd ever heard one. I was a hobo sleeping in a brothel at night and a massage therapist without a license by day. I washed my clothes in the sink and ate at a soup kitchen. No, high class wasn't it. New though, that worked. I _was_ new here at this, and the customers were noticing me.

"Sorry, times up." I told him with one last rub to his hairy shoulders. It was disgusting. Thank god it'd only been for an hour.

He stood letting the towel just hot the floor in a lame attempt to temp me I knew. I diverted my eyes pretending to be busy clearing away the massage oil I'd used on him. "Lyla will take your payment up front."

The man kept his eyes on my ass, I could feel the stare, while he dressed pausing only to reach into his wallet. "Here sweetheart, maybe next time I can get to see you really at work." He tossed a few bills down onto the dresser beside the table.

"Thanks hon." I told him with that same sugary smile I'd grown accustomed to using at work ever since I started taking on massage clients. "You have a nice day."

I waited for him to leave the room before taking in a deep breath then letting it out with a groan. I hated this part of my job even more than the fruit. I hated having to actually touch these dirty old perverts that came in here. They were usually hairy, bald, and fat. Not that I had anything against fat people in general, it was just the way they _looked_ at me.

I'd asked for it though. I'd begged and pleaded to have my way until Nero gave in. Now I was having to get a little experience here and there when I could. I didn't dare complain about the massages to anyone, if I did they'd never let me really escort. If I couldn't handle touching these old guys, then I couldn't handle one of them on top of me naked and sweating.

I peeked into the mirror in the bathroom at my reflection. Make up was still holding up pretty good. Hair looked great. Outfit was skimpy enough. Feet were killing me from the stripper heels I was teetering around in. I'd went on a little impromptu shopping trip with a couple of the girls for what they assured me were "sexy clothes" for work.

Wiping my hands off on a hand towel, I gave myself a little shake to perk up my appearance before heading back down the hall to the lobby. Maybe there was someone else wanting a good rubdown. I spied Lyla at the counter with her calculator and a mixed drink. "Did I make bank yet or what?" I joked sliding down then leaning over to take off my silvery shoes.

"Mmmm… you're better off than last week." She assured me pausing in her figuring to take a sip of the drink through the straw.

I eyed the cranberry and vodka mix, I hadn't dared to snitch any alcohol from here. "You know… I could use a drink."

Lyla smirked at me pushing a paper towards me with what I'd made so far on it. "We have soda and juice. Sorry kid, Nero's rules." She said when I made a little face at her. "Bring me some ID and we'll talk."

Her eyes cut over to the double doors opening letting the bright sunlight spill into the room. "Speaking of Juice…." She pushed off of her stool. "I'll see what he wants."

Charlotte slid down beside me just then whining about how her last customer had been into fetishes. A barn animal fetish to be exact. She'd been subjected to letting him pretend she was his animal of choice for the past three hours. "It was just so damn degrading you know? God you're lucky you haven't had to deal with this shit yet."

It sounded interesting to me. But what did I know? All I knew about sex was that I'd liked what I'd done in high school until it'd all blown up in my face later on. "I keep hoping they'll let me start." I sighed with exasperation. "I saw an ad for an apartment in the Impact today, only $650 for a loft. I could afford it if I got some more business. Massages don't pay."

I let my eyes dip over to where Lyla was sitting knee to knee with Juice on the sofa talking in low voices. I frowned a little bit to myself when I saw her place her hand on his knee. What in the hell was going on over there? The hair on the back of my neck prickled seeing him stand up with her, hand in hand to follow her to the hallway. Was she seriously going to…. I pushed _that _thought out of my mind. I had no claim whatsoever on the man except for a schoolgirl crush that had me thinking how cute he looked in his hoodie pulled over his face.

Lyla had a too bright, too friendly expression as she sauntered back over to me. "Hey… I have Juice waiting… he umm.." She leaned closer to me lowering her voice so Charlotte wouldn't be able to listen in. "He's looking for some company. I thought maybe you'd want to…."

My heart thudded in my chest like a herd of stampeding horses. I couldn't do that. No…. "No! Not him!" I hissed at Lyla daring a peek in Juice's direction. "I can't…" I couldn't get that close to him. My calm and cool act the day before had been just that, an act.

Lyla smirked, placing a hand on one of her slim hips. "Is there a reason why? He's looking for someone nice, someone to be good to him. I thought you'd want to prove yourself as an escort with someone…. decent. Besides, I thought you had a thing for Juicy."

My hands were starting to sweat I was getting so worked up over the idea of going into a room with Juice. "I do… I need the job I swear… but can't I have someone else?"

"You sayin there's something wrong with him now?" Lyla looked curiously at me. "He's not ugly, and he's not a freak. Well.. That I know of." she smiled a little at the end.

I let my eyes travel over to him again. He had a bottle of tequila in one hand and looked out of it. Or maybe ready to cry. I wasn't sure. "What's he wanting?" I finally said quietly after an internal debate on whether or not I could do this getting a grin from the older blonde.

"Just.. Be good to him. Talk to him. Don't attack him right off, just kiss on him, hug him, he looks like he could use a hug." Lyla looked over at him again too. "He'll be sweet to you, and he's not a paying customer so it works out great if you don't.. well if you're not up to par."

"I know how to have sex." I snapped nervously getting a chuckle from the graying man at the bar beside us.

"Jesus.. I'd hope so. Workin around here." Lyla smirked scribbling a few things down on one of her little forms the clients usually filled out. "Go change into something… sexy. I'll tell him to meet you in room 8. Ring me at the desk if you need anything or if he does something… off."

It took me a few minutes to figure out what to wear, ironic that taking it off was my biggest worry. I'd had sex, I could have sex with Juice. I could be good in bed, I'd had all the sex classes from the girls here, I knew what to do. For someone so sure of herself, my hands were shaking when they touched the gold colored door knob to let myself into the room where he was waiting for me.

Juice was sitting on the edge of the bed, completely undressed with his back to the door when I shut it behind me softly. He turned at the click of the lock, giving me one of the saddest smiles I'd ever saw in my life. "Hey."

"Hi…" I replied pushing a curl behind my ear with a smile back. "I heard you were feelin lonely today hon."

"I'm always lonely." His voice was thick and faraway sounding, matching the look in those eyes I liked of his. Hot coffee colored. No creamer. "You can sit down."

I tugged on the ends of the little silk purple robe I had on over the impressive lingerie I'd bought when I went shopping before sitting down beside him on the bed. "So, what are you looking for?" I asked him remembering the standard protocol I'd been told to use even though Juice wasn't exactly a real customer.

Juice's Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed hard, looking at me with those big sad eyes of his. "Just…. Be here." He sighed leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

Hesitantly, I reached over touching his back with light fingers. "Well, I'm here." He didn't flinch once I started moving my hands up and down the smooth caramel skin, careful of the one ugly jagged scar. When I started to slide my hands around him, he stopped me.

"Do that for a while, until you feel better about this." His breath was warm through my hair when he leaned over towards me.

_He knows I'm nervous_ I realized then. I dropped my hands from his body standing up slowly from the bed. "Why don't you get on the massage table and I'll give you a whole rub down then?"

He nodded and stood, the white towel wrapped around his waist not leaving much for my imagination when he paused, checking me over in a way that made me feel like he wasn't truly seeing me. "You're pretty… Lindsey."

Lindsey… it was nice that he remembered my name and didn't call me Fingers like the others did. I smiled lifting up the sheet for him to crawl underneath on the table. "Thanks… You're not so bad to look at either you know."

Juice chose that moment to drop the towel to crawl under the sheet, revealing the rest of that amazing body of his. The tattoos were a major turn on for me and they were all in just the right places. The ones I liked the most were the 'Son' and 'Shine' ones on his chest. I let my eyes travel down his impressive abs, marveling at the David like physique already when I saw what I'd really been wondering about. He was hung. And half hard already. I could just imagine what it be like completely there and inside of me.

I felt my cheeks grow warm underneath the layers of make up I had on as he climbed on top of the table swaying slightly. "You okay Juice?"

"Never better." He sighed letting his eyes shut slowly.

He wasn't okay. I could tell by the way he was acting and the way his eyes were dilated underneath that sadness once I was close enough to him. He was high off his ass on something. I rubbed his back rubbed in slow circles, feeling the knots of tension. "Jesus… you're really wound up."

"Its called being a Son." He joked turning his head to the side and opening one eye lazily at me. "I like the way you smell Linds. Like…cookies."

I'd been told nicer things than that, but I'd take it from him. "Thanks." I managed to say back flustered at his compliments that were piling up.

I'd wanted him since I saw him and pictured the way he'd look and now I was about to have him. "Can you flip over for me sugar? I'll get your front for you." I hinted at what I was thinking of before I could chicken out on him.

Juice gave me a little half shrug and started to roll over when he fell from the table with a bang. The look on his face terrified me. I bent down, my heart pounding inside of my chest. "Juice?! Juice?! Are you okay?!" I shook him a little bit, getting no response from him.

"Holy shit." I gasped sitting back for a second before jumping up and taking off down the hallway at a run.

My eyes were wild as I looked for Lyla, Nero, anyone that could help me. I burst into the office with a bang. "Help! Somebody help!"

Nero jumped up from the desk along with Gemma. "What's wrong?"

"Somethings wrong with Juice! I don't know.."

"What happened?" Nero asked as we rushed back into the room I'd left him in.

They crouched down beside him w hile I started to shake and cry. "I don't know. I was rubbing him down and asked him to flip over and he fell off of the table!"

"What'd he take?" Gemma asked as they lifted him up.

My mind was racing watching them, taking a minute to realize what she'd asked me as Lyla came in with us. "Nothing with me!"

My hand went to my mouth watching in horror as Gemma shoved her fingers down his throat, gagging him and making him throw up into the trash can I pushed over to them. "Oh my god…."

I'd lived with two addicts my entire life so I knew a little bit about overdoses and this whole disgusting process. I winced watching Nero and Gemma trying to force him into throwing up all 6 of the pills he'd taken. Holy shit.. 6 was enough to tranquilize a horse. Lyla made a pained expression watching them try to haul him to his feet after he'd heaved a few times.

"I didn't.. I didn't do anything. I didn't give it to him." I stammered when Nero glanced over at me. "I swear…"

"I know Fingers. Get me a rag would you?" Nero yanked on Juice's underarm pulling him onto the bed.

I hurried to the bathroom spotting his almost empty bottle of tequila sitting beside the sink. I'd forgotten about that. I snatched a washcloth from the cabinet wetting it under the sink then rushing back to the bed where Gemma was tapping on his face to see if he'd come up for them. The most he did was let his eyes roll around and drop his head back again.

I handed the cloth to Nero with my heart pounding at the incident that had just happened. I hadn't pictured him as the type to do this. He'd seemed just like any normal guy. I pulled my thin robe closer to my body as Gemma went to wash her hands and Lyla sat down on the bed next to him sponging his face a little.

"Hey Lindsey? Go throw some clothes on and check the front for me alright?" Lyla told me without even looking up from helping Nero pull Juice's pants on.

I didn't argue with her. I took off down the hallway to the oversized closet my bag was stuffed away in. Hurriedly, I yanked on the first things my hands touched. A pair of distressed jeans and a tank top. Not escort worthy but I didn't care. After what had just happened I wasn't too sure I wanted to do that again. Ever.

The front was filling up fast. The girls were mingling around flirting and having drinks with the clients that came in while I rushed to catch up on the billing for the impatient ones that were done. "Shit." I cussed when I hit the wrong button on the credit card machine. "I'm sorry, I'm still learning." I apologized to the man in front of me. "If you don't mind waiting a moment I'll go grab the hostess before I screw this up even more."

"Sure thing doll face. Take your time." He winked at me as I slipped out from the desk going back to the dreaded room 8.

Lyla was still sitting on the bed beside him when I came back into the room. "Hey Ly? We're getting slammed out there. I need you."

She nodded pushing off of the bed with one last pat to Juice's leg leaving him to lay on his side alone. "He'll be fine." she assured me when I gave her a questioning look. "Nero and Gemma will check on him again too."

I didn't know why I felt this worried about him. I didn't know him. We'd only spoken a few times, and most of it was meaningless banter. I couldn't help but watch when Gemma left a few minutes later hurrying to help with one of the other club members leaving Nero in there alone. I ducked into the closet again for a few things after waiting it out at the bar a while longer. I was done with work for the day. I grabbed a bucket along with some cleaner before heading towards the room again.

Nero was giving Juice a look I'd never saw on his face before. It was something dark and hateful. "He's fine. Leave him be."

I paused at the edge of the bed where Juice was laying underneath the fluffy purple comforter amidst the silk covered pillows. "I'll sit with him."

"I said he's fine. If he chokes on his own vomit, then he chokes."

Wow… I'd never in my life heard him be so cold hearted about someone. What in the hell had changed Nero from worrying over him to wanting to see if he'd die by morning? "I don't mind. I have nowhere else to be." I slid down on the foot of the bed showing him that I wasn't leaving anywhere. "Nowhere to go. Let me.. Please."

He nodded silently, his dark eyes finally falling onto me. "I have to go to Jax's. I'll be in later."

I waited until he'd left the room to dare to get closer to the man I'd been infatuated with for the past while. His breathing was soft, softer than I liked for it to be. I reached a gentle hand over touching his cheek. "Why would you do this?" I whispered knowing he couldn't hear me. "What could have been so bad?"

"I did it." He mumbled shocking me so much that I drew my hand back like it was on fire. "I did what he said."

I frowned a little bit deciding I should try to keep him awake and maybe get him coherent enough to get into the shower for me. "What'd you do Juice?"

Juice's eyes fluttered around before opening to stare at me with huge pin eyes. "I earned my way. She's… gone. Away."

"Where'd she go to honey? Do you miss her? Is that it?" I asked him slowly drawing my hand to rest on his cheek again now that I knew he wasn't going to freak.

"Gone… I did it fast." His eyes searched my face. "She was blonde too."

I froze in stroking his smooth skin with my nails. How did he know I was blonde? "I'm a brunette. Not blonde."

"Before. You were blonde." He sighed like it was tiring him to talk to me. "Like her. Pretty. Both pretty."

He'd called me pretty earlier too. I was starting to think he meant it whether he was high or not. I stood up to go get another washcloth making it halfway there when he leaned over the side of the bed and heaved into the trashcan. This was going to be a long night. I'd volunteered for it though.

By the time I made it back he was settled back onto the pillow with a limpness to his body. I took the cloth wiping his mouth off for him. "You're not bad looking yourself you know when you're not covered in your own throw up."

He didn't answer me so I knew he'd drifted back off again. I took a seat next to him sliding my left hand to rest on his stomach to feel his shallow breaths just in case they stopped. It'd be time to force him to drink water soon. I let my body go in and out of a hazy sleep that wasn't really restful. I was too wound up to really sleep.

I was wiping at his Son and Shine tattoos when his eyes opened up again, still dilated. "Should I call one of your brothers?" I asked him softly pausing when he touched my hand. "Anyone?"

"Its me. Only me. He's gone too."

Frowning at his crazy talk I decided to play with it again. "Gone? Why didn't you go too?"

Juice was crying again shaking his head. "I tried. Over and over. You stopped me. I had to do it. All of it. But you didn't let me finish. I needed to. I can't.." He choked on a weep turning his face away from me to cover it into the pillow. I could hear his muffled words. "She was like this too."

"I'm going to get you some water while you're awake Juice. I'll be right back." I squeezed his thigh before I stood up. "Stay awake."

I knew I had to be quick or he'd be out of it again. I dashed outside the door going to the bar for a few bottles of water. Lyla was with someone explaing how Diosa worked but gave me a curious look. Nero was coming when I was walking back through with the water for Juice, a Coke for me. "He's okay." I gave him a small smile. "He's awake."

Nero nodded looking away with that harshness again. "Good. don't lose any sleep over that guy Lindsey, he got himself into this. Let him figure it back out. We did what we needed to."

"I can't… I don't mind." I picked at one of the water bottle wrappers. "He's saying things though… crazy stuff."

His eyes flashed grabbing me by the arm to pull me into the deserted hallway. "What do you mean things?"

"Just things.. He keeps telling me she's gone. He's gone. He had to-" Nero clamped a hand over my mouth stopping me from finishing.

"You listen to me, anything he says you don't need to hear. You pretend you never heard him say anything. You got it?" I nodded with wide eyes until he let go of my mouth. "Its not good for your health to hear the shit he's spewing."

My skin prickled in a way that I couldn't get rid when I rubbed my hands on my arms. "I should get back down there."

I was a few steps away when I heard him say "What's got you so worried about him?"

Pausing mid step, I took a deep breath before turning my head to give Nero a sad little smile. "I don't know. He makes me think.. " I left my words trail off giving him a helpless little shrug.

The truth was, Juice was making me think that maybe there were people in this world who were just like me. Stuck in bad situations and feeling like there was no way out. And maybe… I could help someone else out of this black hole.

**Juice's POV next time…**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks to OctoberMarieDavis for editing this chapter :D :D and reading my millions of documents over to review the storyline lol. **

**Thanks also to TeamBlaus4eva for all her help with the general plot of this… **

**The quote this chapter is from "The Monster" by Eminem and Rihanna. **

I appreciate all of the reviews I got so far for this fic! A simple sentence goes a long way with an author trust me.

Chapter Eight

_You're tryin to save me, stop holding your breath, and you think I'm crazy…yeah you think I'm crazy…._

Shame. Guilt. Nausea. Headache. Monster. _Fuck…. _Those were my one word thoughts the second I became semi conscious in the darkened room I was in. I was barely peering out of my heavily lidded eyes. It felt like it would take everything I had to open them. _Did I even want to?_

_No, not really_. I dropped my lids back down plunging me completely into the dark again. Silence was all my ears heard with the occasional female laugh. _Where the fuck was I even at? Where had I fallen asleep? Was I in my bed? _No.. definitely not my bed. My house didn't have a female inside of it. Not for a very long time had a female crossed over the threshold of that house I occupied in Samcro corner.

I wasn't in the clubhouse…there was no clubhouse.. _Hmm… Shit.. _My eyes opened up again, wide this time. I was in Diosa. In a room at Diosa. I blinked slowly, taking it all in without even lifting my head from the overstuffed pillow that made my neck hurt. I was in a room at Diosa because Bobby sent me to get off. He was worried about me. They all were. Didn't trust me. Hell, I wasn't even sure _I_ trusted me at this point.

I was in this overly fluffy bed at Diosa because I took too many Oxy. How many? Hmm.. I'd pretend not to remember that. No one would even know it wasn't an accident. What else had happened? I stared at the purple wall trying to piece it together scene by scene. I got here. Lyla talked to me. I came in this garishly decorated room. I chugged from my bottle and took two more pills. Room was spinning.

Then I put a towel on. I frowned for a moment, how was I dressed if I'd been naked? I shoved that thought to the side. I'd get to the pants part later. So towel. I'd put a towel on to cover the goods then sat down on the bed. I'd sat here for a few minutes while my heart started to slam against my tattoos from the inside. Then… She came in.

The pretty girl. What was her name? Hmm… I searched my foggy mind in vain until it popped into my head again. Lindsey. Pretty girl was Lindsey. Lindsey was a hooker. My hooker. She'd sat down with me, patted my back and tried to get me to calm down. But she was nervous too. Had she been scared of me? I didn't think that was it. She'd been jumpy before she even touched me.

Pretty girl talked me into getting on the massage table for her. I could remember now how damn good those little fingers had felt digging into my back while she rubbed me down. You're tense she told me. Ha. Tense was the understatement of the fucking year. Then.. Then it got cloudy. Had she asked me roll over or did I imagine that part? I vaguely remembered trying to sit up then things got a little spotty again.

She'd screamed. Then it went out. How long had I been out before I remembered the next part of Nero pulling me from the bed? I wondered. _Ohh shit… Nero_. _Motherfucker_. Everything hit me like the ton of bricks that was already pounding on my temples. Did I tell him anything? I knew it'd been rolling around in my mind for days. What I'd done.

The guilt weighed me down already after being awake the few minutes that I was. I killed her. I killed the girl. Jax made me. Earn my way back in. I could still remember touching her cheek reassuring her… _everything's gonna be ok_ I'd said. I lied.

I lied to her then killed her in the same 5 minutes. She was pretty. If she hadn't been a junkie and someone's Old Lady already, I might have been interested. Such pretty blonde hair. Like the pretty girl Lindsey's. No.. she wasn't blonde. I shut my eyes picturing the girl that I'd propositioned the night before. She had dark hair. But she'd been blonde.

I'd saw her before. Lindsey had been stuffing some shit into that ratty bag she toted around and wasn't paying attention. She almost stepped out into traffic until I snatched her back. She'd looked at me like I was a ghost. _Or a monster _that little voice reminded me.

I felt like one. I didn't even feel human anymore. What kind of person did the shit I'd done and was okay with it? Was it normal to feel like this after killing 4 people? And if it was, did that make killing the norm? I was living in a fucked world that I wasn't sure about anymore. What were the rules here? What was okay?

Nothing was okay. I wasn't okay. I couldn't even make myself appear okay to the people closest to me. _You're making everyone nervous _Bobby told me. I wasn't going to try hanging myself again. But if I saw a situation to tempt fate….

I'd tempt it.

Because I didn't think I could live with that I'd done. I killed the girl. And Miles. Miles hurt me the most. That was an act done purely to save my own ass and all it'd done was dig me in even deeper. The girl would be alive if I hadn't killed him. Shit, they'd all be alive if I hadn't lied about who I was. Whatever happened to honesty's the best policy? It went out the window along with my right state of mind.

The tip of my tongue darted out to try and wet my dry lips. My mouth tasted like ass. Ughh.. I turned my head slightly to peek at the water bottle that was beside the bed. Empty. Of course. Because nothing ever went right for me. Not even a fuckin drink of water.

The door opened with a barely audible creak letting just a sliver of light fall across the pillow. A girl was coming in carrying something in a brown paper sack. I lifted my head up trying to get a better look at who it is. It was her. Pretty girl. Her dark haired was tied up in a knot at the base of her neck letting me see how smooth her pale skin was with it away from her face.

She didn't look like a hooker. She had normal stuff on. Jeans that hugged her little hips and a raggedy shirt that hid any sort of a rack, with sneakers that made me think of middle school. Then I looked at her face a little bit better. She was pretty. Very _very_ pretty. And she had a smile on her face when she met my eyes.

"You're awake." Lindsey was still standing as she uncrumpled her little baggie. "I brought you something." Her voice was sweet, soft to my ears.

I swallowed even though my throat was feeling like Death Valley in August. "I just woke up."

She nodded putting a bottle of water down on the table beside me. "I know. I was in here until about 20 minutes ago."

That's right. She had been. The memory of her wiping my face off with a cold cloth off and on came back to me. She'd been with me the entire night. She'd taken care of me. I didn't feel like it, but I managed to roll over onto my back to slide into a sitting position. "I remember."

Lindsey held out two pills towards me. "Don't worry its just some Tylenol. For the headache I know you have."

I wasn't too big on the idea of swallowing anything right now. Reluctantly, I held my hand out palm up for her to drop the pills in. "Thanks." I grabbed the water to swallow them down with.

"No problem." She gave me another one of those smiles made me want to smile back at her. The first time I'd really felt like it in months. "I got you something to eat too. You'll feel better."

Lindsey was holding a wrapped breakfast sandwich of some sort out towards me in one of pink nailed hands. I stared at her for a moment before looking away quickly. "No, I mean.. thanks. For.. " I motioned at myself not even able to say it. Thanks for scrubbing the vomit off of my face? Thanks for putting my pants?

"Oh.. It.. Was.. Your welcome." She stammered, the crinkling of the wrapped was loud suddenly. "You really should eat this before you get up. You got pretty bad off."

I looked at the bacon egg and cheese she was pushing at me. I wasn't sure if I would even be able to swallow it. "How bad?" My voice was shaky even to my own ears.

Lindsey slid down onto the little chair on the side of the bed, leaning forwards. She did have a rack underneath that shirt. It wasn't huge, it wasn't small… maybe a C cup… if she knew I was looking, she didn't let on. "Umm.. Lets see.. You fell off my table, I couldn't get you to come around so I ran and got Gemma and Nero. Lyla too. Gemma put her.. She made you vomit the pills back up. Nero helped too, Lyla sat with you a bit until Nero she had to go back out front."

The first bite wasn't too bad. I chewed slowly listening to her talk. She was getting nervous again. Was it me? I studied her face curiously when she turned her own eyes down to her hands. Lindsey was young. That explained the Chucks. And the boobs. But she was alluring in her own way that had nothing to do with being a hooker.

"Nero said to leave you here alone. He got upset with some of the shit you were saying. I don't know if-"

I cut her off with a bolt of panic slicing through my chest. "What did I say? Was it to you? Nero?" The sandwich was turning to sawdust in my mouth.

Her nose scrunched up a little bit remembering. "You kept saying she's gone. He's gone. Jax told you to do it. Hmmm… just crazy stuff like that."

She didn't know what I'd been talking about then. She didn't know that a monster was sitting across from her. I stared at her with a cold feeling going over my body. "You think I'm crazy?

"No.. I think you were high." She gave me a sympathetic look though, that I didn't quite buy. She _did _think I was crazy.

"Nero.. Is he here?" I wasn't sure I could handle seeing him right now. Part of me had needed to confess to him. He'd obviously cared about the girl. There had been another part of my mind hoping that he was going to retaliate against me. Another temp of fate.

"He left last night, hasn't been back in since. I think he was upset with me too so don't sweat it." Lindsey gave me a reassuring me with a smile that met her dark eyes.

"For staying with me?" I crumpled the wrapper up into a little ball watching her become nervous again. Was I that creepy? Had I done something else she wasn't telling me? Geez….

Lindsey nodded shifting around in the chair making her shirt dip down again. I had a great view now. Definitely a C-cup. Very perky. She wore a black bra that I vaguely remembered seeing underneath her robe when she came in to massage me. If she moved just a little more, I'd be able to see a nipple…

"You gonna stop staring at my boobs anytime soon?" Her voice teased breaking me out of my own thoughts.

I let a grin come across my face. "I'd say I'm sorry but I'm really not."

Her cheeks tinged pink at my words while her hands pulled her shirt back up. "I was worried about you, and you're ogling me. You are such a man."

I laughed a little bit surprising myself with the sound. "Just trying to remember what happened is all. You could have taken advantage of me while I was out."

"That's a laugh. All you did was vomit and sleep." Lindsey smirked giving her hair a pat like she was trying to smooth it out.

That was a blow to my man card. This girl had saw me puking everywhere, then cleaned it. Plus…. I had another question. "Who put my pants on?" I asked her drawing my knees up kicking the blankets off of myself. _Please don't let it be who I think was…_

"Gemma and Lyla while Nero held you up for them. We decided to dress you just in case…" Now she really was blushing. "Your uhh… towel had fallen off."

_Oh shit… _Gemma had saw my dick. And Lyla. That was wrong on so many levels. Hell I knew Gemma had saw plenty of dicks, Lyla too, but seeing mine was different. It was like being walked in on by your mom or something. "Oh yeah? Did you ogle me then?" I grinned at her liking that hint of nerves that showed again.

Lindsey's pretty face was tense. She _had_ been ogling me and thought I remembered. She swung her bird legs down from the chair was sitting in walking across the room with my eyes on her. Nice ass… really nice. It was just enough for a handful if I grabbed at it, and just enough for me to want to bend her over and see how it felt against my thighs when I was inside of her.

She was moving around in the bathroom doing something while I stared some more. My earlier assessment of _girl_ was right. She wasn't quite a woman. But the possibility was still there…. There were hips along with that ass I liked, the boobs were there, face was pretty fuckin good….. _And an innocence_. Why had Lyla given me this girl-woman?

_Because you asked for someone nice, you asshole _that voice came back into my mind again. Lindsey had been really really nice. Not many women.._girls_… would stay up all night cleaning puke from a strange man. I fully understood why I was making her nervous after a small observation of the chick. She was intimidated by me.

I got up from the too big bed keeping an eye on her as she moved around. I had no idea where my shirt was at. Or kutte. That fuckin kutte. It felt like a lead vest every time I put it on lately. A constant heavy reminder of why I couldn't stand to look at myself anymore. Stupid ass patch. Men of Mayhem. I wandered closer to the massage table she'd had me on spotting my shirt folded up neatly on top of it along with my kutte.

She was looking at me in the mirror. I saw her eyes going over my chest tats with her bottom lip between her teeth. I paused in my dressing giving her a subtle chance finish her looking. "So.. You know I'd ask you for another massage but the last one was so awful… it made me puke."

Lindsey rolled her eyes turning around with a pop to one of her hips that made me want to laugh again. "Its not my fault you can't handle a little touching Romeo."

Now I was laughing. Shit… I hadn't laughed more than once a day in a while. "Oh I can handle babe. It was those fingers of yours though… guess I know why they really call you that."

She didn't like the nickname. I could see that clear as day. "These fingers had you feelin pretty damn good for a while if I remember correctly. You were the one that just laid there without a single touch. Guess it's a good thing you passed out, I don't know how I feel about doing all the work."

I hadn't expected that, for her to tease back. I slipped my shirt over my head grabbing for my kutte. "Consider yourself lucky I passed out Fingers, you couldn't handle it anyways."

She flinched a little bit but took a step closer towards me a smirk playing on the corners of her mouth. "Hey whatever you say hon, I wasn't the one on the floor after a massage. I was ready to hold up my end of the arrangement."

There was something about a female telling you she'd been ready to fuck you that made you hard. I felt ten kinds of grotty right now, my mouth tasted like ass, I smelled like vomit, and I had yesterdays clothes on. But damn… it was hard to turn it down. Because I knew had I been sober, I would have held up my end of the arrangement too. Girl-woman that she was, Lindsey had a sex appeal that had me thinking on the 100 different ways I could make her blush again.

"Mmmhmmm…. Maybe you can try to make me pass out again next time." I slipped passed her into the bathroom. She'd been getting out mini toiletries for me.

"A little presumptuous aren't we?" Lindsey laughed leaning against the glass enclosed shower stall. "Thinking that there's a next time?"

I was brushing my teeth with the mini toothbrush watching her behind me. I was purposely waiting until I'd gargled mouthwash next before I answered her. I shrugged my kutte on as I leaned down to her smaller frame. "Next time… you'll scream my name for a whole different reason." I let my hand graze her forehead. "Thanks for last night Linds."

"I'll see you next time Juice." The young escort gave me a welcoming grin that I returned before taking off out of the door.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Lindsey's POV

I had to hurry to get ready for work after Juice left. I'd spent way longer in there talking to him than I should have. I felt exhausted from not sleeping then not eating. Emelie was probably worried that I didn't show up at the soup kitchen today. I'd explain it all to her tomorrow I decided. Sometimes things just happened and I might not be able to make it every single day to check in.

I'd waited for Juice to leave before dragging out my overflowing backpack and shopping bag of clothes. I needed a shower, make up, and something sexier than jeans. I dug through the bag hurriedly yanking out the first dress I saw. Perfect. I didn't have to try matching anything.

The shower was scalding when I climbed in to let the flow of water run down my sore back. It was killing from sitting in that chair all night. I hadn't dared try to lay down on the bed beside him though. He might have freaked when he woke up or worse…. Threw up in the bed. I scrubbed at my scalp working a dollop of shampoo through my hair while I started to replay the nights events.

Juice really did know my name. He knew I was Lindsey, and Fingers. He'd actually held a conversation with me once he woke up. My stomach was jittery just remembering it. Next time, he said, so there'd really be a next time. It was hard to believe I'd even gotten that close to hooking up with him. And those tattoos!

I loved the tattoos. I had noticed how when he dressed his fingers unknowingly touched the 'Son' and 'Shine' skulls on his chest. Yin and Yang is what I was pretty sure they really were. A Son that believed in karma. Very different.

He wasn't what I was expecting when he did wake up. I'd expected him to snappish, barely speak, and maybe even pissed. No, Juice was different. He'd been ready to joke once he got filled in on the nights events. I'd purposely stayed away from asking what I really wanted to know. _Why did you do it? _what was so bad that he'd tried to OD for? And who was this girl he kept mumbling about?

I'd missed something there. Nero knew who Juice was talking about , I realized that now. But why had it made Nero so pissed for Juice to talk about her? Where was she gone to? I couldn't ask either of them. They wouldn't tell me even I did. I only hoped Nero was upset with me for sitting with Juice. Out of everyone, Nero was the one that mattered the most in terms of keeping friendly. I liked the older pimp.

Jesus, I'd been so nervous when he was watching me. Who knew Juice would stare at me the way I stared at him? He'd gawked at my rack for a few minutes, then I could feel his eyes on my ass when I walked around the room. There was an attraction there. I could work with that. I had to work with it. I might not even get another chance to be alone with him though.

But he'd said "_Next time" _like he would be back again. Was he in the habit of renting hookers? I groaned inwardly cringing when I realized I sounded like a teenage girl with a crush. _Get a grip girl_ I screamed at myself mentally. He was a man, I was a woman, I had to be mature here.

One thing I knew I didn't like about Juice was the fact that he'd even taken the Oxy. After seeing my parents turning into two useless blobs on the couch from their use, I didn't want anything to do with drugs. He didn't seem the type to be an addict but then… I really didn't know anything about Juice except the sight of that grin made me want to jump him.

A knock sounded on the door just as I stepped out of the shower wrapped up in one of the towels. Lyla slid in without waiting for a reply. "Thought I'd come in early, check on Juice." Her eyes went to the rumpled bed. "Guess he's doing better?"

"He left a few minutes ago. I figured I might as well grab a shower in here since it has to be cleaned anyways." I gestured at the pile of dirty towels, wash cloths, and the bedding.

"How was he?"

I shrugged running my brush through my hair to get the snarls out of it before I turned the blow dryer onto it. "Okay I think. He was smiling if that means anything."

Lyla took the brush from my hands running it down the back of my hair slowly for me. "A couple years ago, no, he was always smiling. Now…. that's something."

So Juice hadn't always been this way. He'd been happy once before. "What happened to him Ly? He was so… out of it last night." There.. I didn't tell her what he'd said even though it made no sense to me but Nero had said not to repeat….

"I'm not really sure. He's different now days. Edgy. A little crazy." Lyla grinned at me in the mirror. "You like the crazy ones huh?"

I made a face before reaching up and taking the brush from her hands. "I don't think he's crazy. I think he's…sad about something. He was in a really good mood though."

"Did you blow him?" Lyla laughed at my scowl "I'm joking geez…. Hey I hope this doesn't like.. Scare you out of the business."

I couldn't afford to be scared out of the business. "Nah.. Shit happens. Not like he passed out while we were actually having sex so I think I'll be okay." I let my towel drop to get dressed. Modesty was gone working in this place.

"Good. A couple of us were worried about it. I really did think Juice was a good idea." She looked apologetically at me.

"No its cool. I mean… lets face it.. I wanted him." I slid the dark purple dress over my body. "I just seem to have shitty luck in the bedroom with men."

She was going back to the door in her nude colored pumps. "It'll get easier once you get passed that first fuck. I swear. We'll get you someone soon so you can start working for real."

The problem with that was…. After being so close to having Juice… I wasn't sure if I'd be as excited for the next 'first customer'.


	9. Chapter 9

**Your reviews were most appreciated last chapter :D **

**This chapter we start touching more on Juice's… crazy side that showed through in season 6. The Juice in this story is not the grinning, goofy Juice from the earlier seasons. He's been through a lot, so you have been warned…. **

Thanks goes to OctoberMarieDavis and Teamblaus4eva for letting me bounce ideas around with them and for their help :D

Chapter 9

_I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed, get along with the voices inside of my head,_

It was too damn bright outside. I squinted my eyes away from the beams of sunlight hitting me while I walked up and down the sidewalk with Emelie.

We'd met up at the soup kitchen as planned, I damn sure wasn't missing it today. I was almost flat broke. Two more days until payday. I'd sworn over and over that I wasn't going to touch the money I had hidden away. That was for things I really needed. Like a place to live. Tampons. Fake nails for work. Damn work was costing me cash now too.

"I've never been back here before." Emelie said looking around us at the azaleas that were gigantic.

Charming Gardens had always been a favorite place of mine even when it was rundown and the weeds taking over. I could picture a million different shots if I only had a camera to do it with. The different shades of pink were gorgeous mixed in with the purples planted so close that they were blending into one colorful bush.

I slurped on my Icee while we walked at slow, leisurely pace with no rush to be anywhere else. "Its pretty huh? I used to walk out here a lot when I lived at home to escape for a while."

"Funny… you spent so much time not wanting to be there, and now you need to be." Emelie smiled knowingly, adjusting her own bag of belongings around on her back.

"Mmm.. Its not so bad anymore. I wish I had something besides the couch at Diosa but its not the street. It get s a little awkward if I sleep in Nero's room then he comes in too." I crunched down on the little pieces of ice that hadn't melted yet. "I really like working there."

Emelie elbowed me with a sly grin on her freckled face. "Oh yeah? Enjoy your job much?"

I blushed but I laughed along with her remembering the things I'd filled her in on from the past two days that I'd missed meeting her at the soup kitchen. I hadn't told her much about the Juice day. That was.. For me. The next night I'd been busy as hell with odd jobs. Letting someone lick syrup from my toes, massaging a guy's disgustingly hairy chest, and my personal favorite so far since it was the easiest…. Three weirdoes had offered to buy my panties for $50. _Sold_.

"There's a few perks." I flipped my hair over my shoulder sliding down onto the concrete bench we'd walked up on. "The eye candy isn't so bad all the time."

She eyed me then shook her head sitting down on the other end so that she could prop her feet up. "So you have a favorite then."

My eyes dropped down to look at my bright blue Icee in my hands. "Not really no.."

Emelie wasn't about to let it drop there. "Liar. Who is it? That friend of yours? Rat? Hmm.. One of the business type guys? A sugar daddy type?"

"Wrong, wrong, and wrong." I stuck my blue tongue out at her. "There's one guy.. I kinda hope he comes back honestly. And eww… I _so_ don't want to picture Rat naked."

"Do you know him outside of there?"

I shook my head letting my gaze travel over to the redwood across from us. "No." There was a slight hint of disappointment in my voice.

"But you want to.. " She accused pulling her hair up into a sloppily done ponytail.

"I don't know." I frowned thinking on that. Did I want to know Juice outside of Diosa? I knew I definitely wanted him in the physical sense… but I also knew I didn't really like him Oding. Plus.. He hadn't came back yet after saying he would. "I think he's out of my league."

"Meaning what? You have the right equipment. Just.. Do that flirty routine of yours. Wear one of those dresses that looks like it belongs to a stripper in Stockton." Emelie fiddled with her bag again. "Maybe he'll turn out to be a nice guy with a place of his own."

Rolling my eyes, I got up to throw my Icee cup away. Juice wasn't a nice guy. Juice was…. Something that I hadn't figured out just yet.

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Business was slow. Like.. Really _really_ slow. I hadn't done anything all night except make a couple of drinks to help Lyla out while she did some orders. It was a waste to have put on my full face of make up tonight. A complete waste of the hour it took for me to straighten every inch of my hair out. And a waste of a perfectly good outfit that I'd have to ask Lyla or Nero about using the washer for before it wrinkled.

I didn't look bad. Plain black pants that hugged me like a second skin, hooker heels of course, and a silvery flashy looking halter that I'd chosen to leave the bra off with. Not bad at all. I thought the overall effect made me look a bit more hooker than office worker. The only bad thing was that if I bent over, my thong went up and pants went down. It seemed a little too risqué to leave the panties off too.

Erin was propped up on the couch with a Mojito in one hand, cell phone in the other. "You look good tonight Fingers."

I glanced down at myself with a small smile when I looked back up. "Thanks.. I was going for _classy_ instead of trashy."

We exchanged a knowing look before turning our eyes to the same two girls. One had cut off shorts on with a hideous leopard top, the other wore a dress I was pretty sure was a shirt originally. Bleach blonde hair. Not the good kind either. This was the typical California blonde that would leave you with a chemical haircut.

Erin downed the rest of her minty smelling drink through her straw that had lipstick impressions smeared all over it. "Could I bug you into making another one? Might as well soak up the free booze since the cash ain't comin as freely tonight."

I held my hand out for the glass before walking back towards the bar. "Sure thing. Want a double this time?"

"I better not. I have to pick my little boy up after this."

I kept forgetting she had a kid. The little rugrat had came in earlier with her mother and he'd terrorized the place. He'd ran around in circles lavishing the attention he was getting from the women in here until he didn't have a clean spot left on his chubby cheeks from the lipstick kisses. I grabbed a handful of ice from the compartment humming along with the song that was playing softly liking the pop music feel to it.

"Welcome to Diosa." Lyla's chipper tone called out letting me know that the door had opened.

I glanced up hoping to see an awkward old man wanting a massage. _Oh shit_.. It was him.. My hands shook making Erin's drink watching him push his sunglasses up before leaning down to talk to Lyla quietly. He really had come back. _Next time _the words echoed in my mind. This was it.

"Here you go doll." I walked back over delivering Erin's drink to her just as Juice walked away from Lyla headed to the Goddess Bar. "

Erin winked at me nodding at Juice.I couldn't stop the stupid gin grin before forcing myself to walk at a normal pace back to the bar. He was standing there waiting. My stomach was fluttering nonstop when I approached him. "Hey handsome."

Juice was back to looking like he had the first time I saw him. A cut on the cheek, and a nasty looking scrape along his chin. Those eyes that had been warm and laughing were now back to being empty and haunting. "Don't get too close. I have to make it home this time." He smirked at me.

I pretended to scoff at him sliding down onto the stool he was standing by sipping on his Miller. "I thought we went over that. It was your fault. You're just not used to a woman's touch. We could..,… Get you there though." I gave him a suggestive smile.

He pulled on his bottle again eyeing me the way I felt a wolf must look over its prey. There was definitely something going on in those eyes. "I think I got it covered." his mouth pulled into something that could have been a smile. "Those fingers of yours area little too much for me to handle tonight."

A feeling of shock shivered down my spine. As soon as the words left his mouth Erin came up with her 'come and get it' smile on her face. "Juice? Baby? I'm ready now, sorry you had to wait a minute." She slid a hand onto his bicep. "Everything's waiting."

Juice nodded at her, using the arm she wasn't touching to raise the bottle and drain the rest of the liquid out of it. He slid the empty back down before turning like he was about to walk away then stopped. His dark eyes looked over his shoulder at me with a hardness. "You look good kiddo." Then Erin whisked him away whispering into his ear.

I felt crushed. Squashed. Like a balloon with the air let out. My first instinct was to cry, pitch a fit, and do something very.. Immature and teenagish. But.. I reminded myself, I wasn't a teenager anymore. I was a woman working in a brothel. Juice was a paying customer, not my boyfriend or even close to being what I'd call a friend. I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek to help hold myself in check. No signs of weakness in front of anyone.

But Lyla knew. She walked over with a look of pity for me. "I'm sorry girl. He asked for her though. I suggested you, I swear."

"Hey no big deal. So he likes 'em a little older." I tried to shrug it off picking up Erin's abandoned Mojito glass and the crumpled up napkins.

"I don't think it was you hon. I think it was him." Lyla reassured me with a pat on my arm. "Maybe next time."

I tossed the rest of the drink down the sink avoiding looking at her. My eyes went to the clock hanging up above us instead. They'd been in there 5 minutes so far. My skin crawled but I couldn't help imaging what they were doing. Jealousy was taking over my mind little by little. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. _What the fuck_… how long did it take to blow him?

I snatched the cigarettes Erin had left up and yanked one out of the pack. She smoked menthols, I observed before lighting up. I felt no guilt in stealing one of her smokes. She'd stolen my client. _No, he wasn't mine _I sighed to myself silently. He'd made that clear when he called me 'kiddo'. And that sparked a whole different worry.

Nero was back. He was moving around the lounge shaking hands with a few of the long term clients, joking with the girls. I'd heard him and Gemma had broken up but so far, it hadn't affected him too much. Not that he'd let on anyways. When he made it over to where I was standing with Lyla in silence he nodded at both of us. "How's it been tonight?"

"Good" Lyla said at the same time I said "Horrible."

Nero looked between us quizzically as he rubbed his chin slowly. "Horribly good?" He joked dryly.

"She's just… having a slow night." Lyla explained elbowing me in the side of my silver top. "She thought.. Well.. I don know."

"I thought I looked old enough to be a hooker." I grumbled looking at the clock again. 30 damn minutes. _What the fuck?!_

Nero grinned just a little bit at me then Lyla. "Is that what the attitude is about Linds? The outfit? Everyone likes a young hooker. The right old guy just hasn't came in yet."

I knew he was trying to make me laugh. It wasn't working. "Maybe not. Maybe I'll take the next customer that asks about me. Get a second opinion."

"You look fine." He shook his head laughing at my grumpiness. "Maybe you should be drinking that instead of pouring it out."

Lyla was trying not to smile but couldn't help it when I stuck my tongue out at Nero. "I'm taking her home with me. Girls night after work."

That was news to me. My eyes jerked over to her. "What? Girls night? I don't…" my voice trailed off frowning. I'd never had a girls night.

"Yes. You, me, and my daughter. She'll still be up trust me." Lyla was moving around getting shot glasses out. "Here."

She lined up three of them in a row. One for each of us. I studied mine before picking it up. I'd never done shots. Not shots of Jack. We all raised them at the same time before downing them. "Alright, I got work to do. I'll be in the office if you need me." Nero nodded at us before grabbing his stack of papers and heading off.

45 minutes of Juice and Erin being together. _Motherfucker_. The Jack didn't anything but fuel my string of emotions. They were ranging from angry, humiliated, and jealous to sad, and nervous. Then they jumped all the way over to relieved when I saw Erin coming into the lounge with Juice.

I eyed her discretely as she walked him to the door like we were obligated to do. He didn't do any goodbye pleasantries, just nodded at her. If I would have looked away for even a second, I would have missed it. But when his hand touched the door handle, he looked over his shoulder in my direction. Or it might have been wishful thinking.

Erin came over to the bar where we were standing with a friendly enough expression on her features. "Are you pissed?" Was the first thing she said to me when she was within hearing.

"Why would I pissed?" I looked down at my nails away from her. "it's a freelance business."

"Because you're so into him you can't stand it and we all know it." Erin slid down onto a seat tugging on her shirt.

I didn't want to think about her stupid shirt being off of her and that was why she was adjusting it now. But I did. "I'm not into him. _Really_. I'm not upset. Why does everyone think that?"

A look passed between the other two women before Erin tried again to make peace with me. "I don't think you would have wanted him tonight anyways. He was a little too grabby. I'm gonna have marks all over my arms from him." She rubbed her tanned forearms as if to prove it.

"I picked up on that too." Lyla nodded quickly joining her in the fight to make me feel better about my humiliation.

"So I can't handle him. Maybe I can't handle anyone. Guess its because I'm just an inexperienced kid." I muttered more to myself than them.

"Just don't be mad 'kay? Business is business. I was just making my cash same as you." Erin reasoned so calmly that I couldn't help but feel bad about how bitchy I was being about the whole thing. "We're friends either way."

_Friends_. Maybe I'd been on the right path when I'd been friendless and alone if this was how having them made you feel.

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Girls night with Lyla and her daughter had been fun. We'd picked up burgers from the all night diner along with a bottle of wine and taken it to her place. I'd ended up staying two nights instead of the one. Lyla had asked me if I minded babysitting the second night, which of course, I didn't. It meant somewhere to sleep with cable TV and real food. Lyla's house was small and a little crowded. She'd explained to me with a faint smile that it'd been her husbands home with his first wife. They'd only had the two kids, and now there were three. Minus the husband.

I was still tired when I left Lyla's around 2 that afternoon walking down the street in Samcro corner with my oversize purse slung across my body. I'd left the backpack at Diosa after Lyla had argued me down that it wasn't necessary to tote everything I owned around when I could put it in Nero's room and leave it for the night. He didn't care. He'd looked content on drinking himself to bed whenever I'd slipped in to wave goodnight.

I shoved my hands into the pockets of the shorts I'd just been given, grateful for them in the scorching heat that was beaming down. It was hot as hell in Charming today. And I had to find something to do since it was my off day. I didn't want to go hang around Diosa and I didn't know where to find Emelie at to hang out with her.

The end of the sidewalk by the red light was the crossways for me. Left meant I was going into town, right meant I was walking out of it. Hmmm…. If I went into town I could go look at the bookstore again. But I didn't need to spend any money. I didn't really have anything to do outside of town either though. Not in the heat. I studied the walk light pondering my options when I heard the distinct sound of a motorcycle getting closer and closer.

It was coming from the right. The rider was familiar, vaguely. Then I realized it was Rat when he pulled over, letting the bike idle with a low rumble. "Where you goin?" He called out over the sound.

"No idea!" I yelled back walking closer when he held out the helmet towards me. "Where are you headed?"

"Parlor. Then to run a few errands. You up for it?" Rat turned his head slightly when I leaned closer to hear him better.

I slid the helmet over my still shower damp hair nodding quickly. I had nothing better to do. I paused at first when I climbed onto the bike behind him. I doubted I'd ever get used to swinging my leg over the side of this thing. Paranoia kept setting in making me think I was about to burn my calf when I was riding. Terror told me we were going to lay the thing down if I so much as moved the wrong way.

Rat was a careful driver though. He didn't try to impress me with sharp turns or speeding. If anything it seemed like he slowed down with me on the back. I'd always heard people say you felt free and flying on a bike but all I was feeling were the bugs hitting me in the wind. Talk about glamorous.

I ducked my head down using his shoulder as a bug guard for my face until he swerved into the Scoops n Sweets parking lot in front of the big glass windows. They'd actually opened the place up for business. Little kids were running out now with ice cream cones while the guy behind the counter waved at them. I frowned studying him a bit better. There was something off with his hands. I unsnapped the helmet to give back looking around curiously.

There was a few other bikes outside with the helmets hanging off of the handlebars. My stomach lurched at the thought of seeing Juice after being blown off last night by him. Rat pushed his glasses up. "Now… pray tell.. What in the hell were _you_ wandering around the corner for?"

I grinned at him playing coy for a just a moment with a wide eyed little shrug then laughed some. "I stayed over at Lyla's and didn't get up when she left for work earlier. I was just trying to decide what I was doing today when you came along."

"Knight in shining leather huh?" He joked motioning for me to follow him. "It won't take me a but a sec in here. Gotta get paid."

I shrugged following after him like a puppy through the door. "Take your time. I'll just… get ice cream or something."

He grinned back at me making his mustache twitch in a way that set me off laughing again. "Jesus.. You really are a kid aren't you?"

I punched him lightly in the arm but laughed along with him already looking up at the menu that hung behind the counter. "I'm not the one wearing a porn 'stache to look older, am I?"

"The hooker boots are your own sad attempt." Rat threw back dodging my next playful hit at this chest. "Can I trust you not to run off while I go up?"

"Go" I waved him off moving up in the short line when the two girls ahead of me got handed their cups of candy from the jars. "I'll wait right here, swear it."

Rat raised his index and middle finger to his eyes in the "I'm watching you" motion walking backwards up the first couple of stairs before I rolled my eyes at him. I turned my attention to the counter when I heard a kind voice ask "What can I get for you?"

I studied his hands again. They were fake. _How in the hell is he serving people with those things_? I wondered. "Umm…. Chocolate waffle cone. Sprinkles on top." I was morbidly curious when he grabbed the ice cream scoop digging in like it was no biggie. He used both hands to do it.

He held the cone out to me after he'd put it together. "For the lady."

I gave him a small smile, appreciating that I'd been called a lady for once in my sad life. "How much do I owe ya… Chuck?" I'd spotted the name on his apron.

"On the house." Chuck said holding up a fake hand when I protested. "You're with Rat."

Ohh.. _Ohhhhh. _He thought… and so everyone else thought… my ice cream didn't look as delicious suddenly. My mouth felt like it had sawdust inside of it. "We're not.. We're friends." I tried to explain in vain despite his smile at me. "Is it cool if I sit over there?" I asked trying to change the subject quickly.

"Anywhere you want." Chuck replied with a little bow.

_Hmm.. He was a strange one_. I took my dripping cone over to the booth right by the window that had a clear piece of plastic hiding a hole in it. The streets were pretty busy for a Thursday. The parlor was getting lots of dirty looks and a few whines from kids that wanted to come in. Mothers shook their heads at them, dragging them down the sidewalk by their grimy little hands.

I was the only one still inside when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs in the back. Rat was walking down with his hands inside of his kutte, talking with Tig while Juice followed them down a couple of steps behind. I couldn't help but stare when he was in the blinding sunlight only this time it wasn't because I thought he was gorgeous.

Someone had beaten the shit out of him. His face was blackened with small cuts standing out thanks to the butterfly stitches that were holding the skin together. A cut above his eyebrow, his cheekbone, and another on his chin. Juice looked nothing like the man that had came into Diosa two nights ago looking for a good time. His eyes landed on me catching me in the act.

I didn't look away like I normally did. I held his gaze until he raised his chin in a "Get a good enough look?" gesture and scowled at me. Then I looked down at my half melted cone. This was just one more incident proving to me that I really didn't know anything about the man that I had a thing for. I had no idea what type of person he was beyond the sex appeal I saw.

Rat came over slowly still talking to Tig nodding at me now. "Just gonna run a few errands, I'll be around though if you guys need me."

Tig's cold blue eyes smiled at me in a way that I didn't like. "You kids have fun. Don't do anything I would do."

"The options are endless then bro." Rat laughed while Juice just looked grumpy. He didn't even speak to him, I noticed. He only glanced over his shoulder at his beaten brother. "You done with your ice cream?"

I gave the cone one last lick nodding while I stood up swinging my legs out of the booth with grace. "Yup. Chuck was nice enough to add extra sprinkles."

Rat rolled his eyes at me dramatically following me out of the swinging door. "So what'd you think of Chuckie's digits?" he asked with a grin.

"What in the hell are those things?" I burst out glad he'd brought up the subject before I did. I tossed the soggy cone into the trash can he was parked beside.

"His fingers obviously." He laughed holding out his helmet for me to take while he went to the bike beside his and grabbed another one. "Take mine. Tig has a spare."

I grabbed my hair stuffing it all to the side before putting the helmet on. "And what happened to Juice? He looks like he should be in his grave right about now. _Jesus_."

Rat was oddly silent now that the subject had turned to his friend. Finally he said "Juice is fine." in a way that told me it was a closed subject.

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Juice's POV

"_I love you son" _

Those were the words that Clay kept repeating while he loomed over me in the hallway that I was slumped down in watching everything fall into place. The meaning was perfectly clear, son not Son.

I couldn't look at him. I'd betrayed the closest thing to a father I'd ever known in my sad, pathetic existence. What kind of son did that? He'd kept my secret. I kept his. We were close. I'd grown to love this man not just because he was a brother and I had to. But because of how he treated me over the last few months. I was doing him wrong, so goddamn wrong to save myself.

Save myself for that though? I stared at my palms that covered my face, shielding my eyes from the dream Clay reaching out to me. Clay had a wife. But she was in on this too. Gemma was doing this with me. Gemma.

The scenery changed with a morph into Jax's kitchen. Everything was still as I stared at what had happened. Blood everywhere. So much blood. Tara was dead. Gemma was slumped over muttering. Eli. I killed him. I pulled my gun out and shot him without thinking twice.

Then I stared some more. I killed Roosevelt. So much more blood. Blood on my hands when I got rid of the evidence. Blood, blood, blood….. There hadn't been blood when another one of my victims shifted into focus.

Darveny. She was so pretty. Such a tiny little woman. Her son was dead. Because of my club. That she was dead because of me. I held the pillow down tight over her face, looking away so I didn't see if she was struggling back. It hadn't mattered. I was stronger. I killed her. A woman. That made it hurt so much worse. An innocent woman that had done nothing. She'd trusted me when I told her it was going to be okay.

But there had been no blood. My hands felt filthy. I could feel the scalding water as I scrubbed them over and over and over again. I'd scrubbed my face hundreds of times to get Miles' blood off of me. He was dead now. The young blondes gaping body after I'd shot him ppoint blank was staring at me_. "Brother" _he kept saying holding a hand out towards me. _"Come on brother."_

I reached a hand out towards him as he nodded at me. _"Its better here. Come with me brother." _I touched his hand jumping when the blood dripped down onto my knuckles. I stared down in horror ready to scream when I fell into the shallow grave with him while he repeated again _"Come on brother."_

My eyes flew open with a gasp of air that choked me. "Holy shit." I exclaimed from where I'd fell onto the floor from the couch.

It was a dream. It was all a dream. Funny thing was, it didn't feel like it. I held my hands up to my face for inspection feeling panicked. No blood. I touched my face next, no blood there either. But I could feel it, sticky and warm trickling down my body. I pushed off of the floor shakily not even caring that it was pitch black inside of my house when I hurried to my bathroom. I needed a shower.

The water was as hot as I could get it when I climbed up standing so that my front was hit head on with the blast. I knew deep down that this was pointless. I'd never feel clean again. Ever. I'd done this 4 times a week since the first one. Then it'd gotten worse and worse with each one that happened. With each life I took.

5. I'd taken 5 so far. The Russian. Miles. Clay. Darveny. The cop. And for what? I had nothing to live for, why had I taken life from people that deserved it? Well, maybe Clay hadn't deserved it as far as counting sins but still… I'd voted yes just like everyone else when the vote had fell on me. Then stood there feeling like a piece of shit when he told me thanks. The cop had been killed just for the purpose of us killing Clay. Two lives for nothing.

I hit the faucet down cutting off the water but stood there hunched over thinking before saying the obvious, "You're crazy Ortiz."

Was I losing it? Everyone else seemed to think so. I made them nervous they said. They didn't trust me, they weren't sure what to do with me just yet. _Sons don't act like _this Chibs had said, _we'll let you know what we decide_. Like I didn't know what they wanted to do. At this point, I had to wonder if they'd be doing me a favor. Then I wouldn't have the double shame of being crazy plus offing myself.

I climbed back out of the shower not even bothering to get dressed before walking down the dark hallway into my room. I knew my way around this place so well I didn't need to flip on the lights. I wasn't getting dressed just yet anyways. I still had a few hours until my d-day. Decision day. Maybe Death day.

Just in case it was Death day, I'd made sure to prep like a dying man might. I'd smoked the best weed in my shop until it was gone one night, another night I went out and bought myself the most expensive bottle of tequila I could find in stock, another night since I didn't exactly have any women fawning over me, I bought myself a hooker. A guy deserved to get laid one last time.

I should have gotten the pretty girl. Lindsey. It would have been nice to experience some of that innocence just in case I didn't get another chance at it. She was so… trusting. I flopped down onto the unmade bed wet without covering myself up. I had just one reminder of my night of Diosa, a little hickey that Erin had left on my pec underneath the 'shine'. I reached up touching it with a frown no one else could see.

Erin was alright. Not my usual choice in women, I'd wanted the other one, pretty girl. _God damn _she was built and didn't even realize it. She was so nervous even when she was trying to pick me up. If I hadn't already asked for Erin I might rethought my pick and told Lyla I wanted her instead. Those C cup tits were just out there for anyone to see, no bra, I could see her nipple. And the ass… I shut my eyes picturing the lean brunette smiling at me expectantly.

There was still that bit of sweetness around her that told me no one had picked her up since she started hooking it. Pretty girl was way too…eager. Her eyes said it all when I looked at her. She wanted me, bad. The feeling was mutual. I could think of 100 different ways to stick it to her if opportunity arose. I just hadn't wanted it to be because I thought it was my last night of sex.

I'd wanted amazing, mind blowing sex when I went in there looking for a hook up. I wanted someone t hat knew what they were doing without being told. I knew without even giving it a try that I'd have to tell Pretty girl every move to make. She didn't move the way the other females in that place did. She'd never been used like them. If I made it through the rest of the day maybe I'd celebrate by buying her for a couple of hours…

If I didn't make it through, then oh well. I'd lived. I'd died. At this point I felt like I'd cheated death more times than I deserved anyways. _You always did find a way to get out of what you've done_ a voice whispered to me. "I know, I'm sorry. I tried to make it right. I can't." I whispered tracing over my Son tattoo from memory.

_Death will make it right. Eye for an eye. Son for a Son. _the whisper spoke again.

"I tried to set it back right. I helped Gemma for Clay. I pulled Lindsey out of traffic for the cop. I did good things." I pressed my palm down over the skull.

_Its not enough. We're going to break you. You deserve it. You've turned into a monster. You haven't even owned up to helping Gemma. _

"I can't tell anyone. Ever. Jax will never forgive her. She didn't mean to. Neither did I when I… when I killed Eli. But it happened. I can give her a chance to make it straight by keeping her secret." The wind was blowing hard outside knocking a tree branch against my window. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap , tap…. One tap for each brother. Was it a warning? A tap for each bullet?

_Monster. You don't even deny it anymore. You know what you are. _

I grimaced to myself wishing suddenly I wasn't alone. I was always alone. That's when this was at its worst. If I was busy, or had someone with me, I didn't get like this. "Not a monster."

When was the last time I'd taken my meds? I wondered suddenly. I hadn't slept in days. Maybe that's what I needed. I was starting to slip, badly. And I had no one to lean on anymore. The club was all I had, and I didn't know if I even had them anymore. Just me.. Alone.

_You don't deserve anyone. That's why you pick up whores for fun. You really think they're being nice because they want to be? Not to a crazy like you. You're insane."_

I sat up quickly covering my ears with my hands, shaking my head. "I'm not crazy. Fuck you."

I wasn't crazy. Not even close. I was sane. Perfectly sane.

_Keep telling yourself that. Maybe it'll be true one day._

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The warehouse was dark and spooky looking when I rolled up on my Dyna later that night. I'd gotten the phone call an hour ago to meet them here. They'd came to their decision . Meeting them in the middle of nowhere kinda tipped me off on what they were about to do to me. Plenty of room for a shallow, hidden grave out here. Maybe they'd bury me near Miles. The two 'traitors' together.

I backed my bike into the row beside theirs noticing that West and Montez were missing from the pack on my way into the weathered barn. It was dimly lit inside, eerily quiet. I swiveled my head around frowning. Was this a joke?

_Bam! _The fist came out of nowhere slamming into my jawbone so hard I could feel the crack swelling already. I staggered a little bit, but didn't swing back. This was it, I knew without even asking Ratboy when I turned my head and caught the cold look in his eyes. He gave me a hard push and I tripped into Happy next. _Motherfucker….. _

Hit after hit, slam after slam it kept coming until I was on the dirt floor spitting blood from my mouth. I tilted my face up showing them I wasn't done. I would take it. I would take this and whatever else they dished out just like when Chibs had done this. Only this time it was worse. Every one of my brothers had taken a hit at me.

My eyes were swelling. My lips were both split. Nose didn't feel broken but it hurt. Ribs hurt. Everything fucking hurt. But it wasn't enough. I hacked up a mouthful of blood when Jax leaned down beside me grabbing me by the back of the head to look him in the eyes. "We decided killing you would be giving you what you wanted." He let my head drop back down with a groan from me. "Now you get to look at us every day and live with it."

Live with it, because they knew me well enough to know that was what was hurting me the most. Living with the things I'd done. I bobbed my head in an understanding motion just giving up on pulling myself from the floor. I let my body crumple down with the almost nagging realization that I was going to live. Again.

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Two days later…..

For being back on good terms with everyone after my beat down, I felt like a leper. No one spoke to me. No one looked at me. I was just as silent and sullen as they were. Tig was the only one acknowledging my presence. I knew that had more to do with him knowing he'd done his own share of screw ups than feeling sorry for me.

My face didn't look that bad. I was still bruised, cut up, and sure as fuck wouldn't be winning any beauty contest anytime soon, but I looked a hell of a lot better than I had before. I let my eyes drop over on Rat collecting his brown envelope like the rest of us had done. He looked too happy. Too… young.

I felt my lip curl in an almost snarl at the way he looked at me then away again. "You guys got any plans for tonight?" He asked Tig as we walked downstairs slowly.

"Nah. Jax said lay low for a few days, lets see how everything pans out with the Mayans before we jump the gun on something. Hey she with you?" Tig asked elbowing Rat when we reached the third step.

Lindsey was sitting in the booth right beside the door licking on an ice cream with way too much tongue. She was staring outside at the streets, swinging her legs back and forth like a kid would. Her pink tongue darted out again licking at the chocolate that was dripping down the side. Holy shit…

Rat grinned at Tig in a way I didn't like at all. "Kinda. We're hangin out. We've went around a few times."

"You hittin it?" Tig asked bluntly watching her with the ice cream in the same creepy way that I was. Only Rat was oblivious.

"Nah man. Not like that. Haven't made a move on her." He glanced back over at the young girl tilting her mouth to bite on the waffle cone.

I knew she'd give one hell of a blowjob. I watched her silently tuning the other two out. They didn't want to speak to me anyways. Pretty girl looked different when she wasn't in hooker clothes. Her little shorts were tight, I could see the mold of her mound through them hugging her. She'd be tight. Really tight.

She didn't even know what she was doing with that damn ice cream either, it was all innocence and smiles when she saw Rat. Then.. She looked at me. Her eyes glazed over the cuts, the bruises, and over my body suggestively. I scowled back at her until she broke the look first. It was one thing to check me out, another thing to gawk at my injuries. She slid out of the booth as Rat approached her laughing along with him with a tinkling little sound.

I'd told myself if I lived, I was going back to Diosa to find her. I'd almost forgot about it until I saw her now swinging a leg over the back of Rat's bike. I was going to claim my prize as soon as I could without even blinking on the tab I was racking up for picking up hookers. This one would be well worth it.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"It was fun." I told Lyla still basking in the good time I'd had with Rat since I'd last saw her. She'd called in sick the day I came back to work then I had another day off scheduled.

Lyla shuffled her papers up grabbing a paper clip to bind them together. "Sounds like it. Maybe I'll take the kids next week. You wanna come with?"

"Maybe. Let me see what's in this envelope first." I grimaced pulling the seal back on the long envelope that concealed my paycheck. It wasn't good. Not nearly as good as I hoped it would be.

My dismay must have shown in my face because Lyla reached over touching my shoulder lightly. "Hey, it'll pick up I swear. I was actually just thinking about going ahead and setting you up with one of the regulars and getting it over with.."

It was disappointing, but I nodded slowly. I didn't want to screw some old guy and have him talk about it with Nero, seeing if I could hack it at this job. Comparing everything I did to one of the other girls. But I knew subconsciously, that if it were Juice even, he'd still talk about what we'd done.

"Yeah.. I. I guess so. I'm not picky, just no one.. Weird." I sighed tucking the envelope back into the top drawer for safe keeping.

"Mr. Evans comes by today, same time as he does every week. I usually rotate Charlotte and Janet for him but… if you don't mind.. " Lyla trailed off giving me an expectant look.

I knew who he was. He was the soccer dad type, mid forties maybe, attractive for an old guy. "Sounds great. I'm sure we'll have a good time together." I forced myself to sound happy about it. I'd wanted the job. I knew some of my clients would be less than savorable. Now the reality was staring me in the face. "9 right?"

Lyla nodded picking up her drink from the desk in Nero's office. "C'mon, lets go see what's happening out here. Nero wants me to show you the booking and cash outs so if I call in again there's back up. He doesn't like being tied down here if he doesn't have to be."

Understandable. He seemed to be a busy man. Nero had been spending more and more time at the other Diosa house in Stockton. I hoped to move over there one day. The rumor was that the girls made more money working for Collette than we did Nero because everything was done in house. There were no house calls or outside work.

Personally, I was too scared to do house calls and outside work. The others did it all the time for extra cash that Nero didn't take a cut of. In my mind, the second I would go to someone's house I'd end up gagged, tied up, and murdered. They'd find my body in a puddle of blood out at Charming Heights like those dead Russians no one seemed to know. Nope, I'd stick to working out of Diosa underneath Nero's protection with the Biz Lats. Gomes and Fiasco weren't my favorite people but it was nice knowing there were people to back us up.

I sank down on the pillow like sofa beside Erin needing the break from walking around. My feet were killing me in these thigh high boots I was starting to rethink. They'd been an impulse buy when I'd been out with Rat running his 'errands'. They definitely screamed sex, prostitute, and uncomfortable. "Think the clients would even notice if I took these off and went barefoot?"

Erin cracked a grin at me crossing her legs daintily at the ankle. "It'd take away from the sex appeal."

We hadn't spoken much since the night Juice had came in. I wasn't holding a grudge now that I'd calmed down and adult Lindsey was back. I knew she wasn't to blame for him passing me over. It'd just been hard to admit when I felt so crushed.

"True. I have a feeling I'm going to end up in a schoolgirl outfit before the nights over though." I frowned remembering my arranged date with Mr. Evans.

She raised an eyebrow shifting so that she was turned more towards me than Janine. "Really? Well that's good news. I thought you were waiting it out for.. _Him_." she didn't even have to say who 'him' was. We both knew.

"Nah.. I think it was just the…. Sex appeal of a guy in leather." I patted my hair down making sure it wasn't sticking up from touching the back of the couch.

"Or that caramel skin. I like 'em dark personally." Erin told me with that knowing grin. "Don't see a lot of them in here though."

Dark and caramel. That made me smile for a completely different reason. My parents would flip if they knew I was crushing on someone any darker than Eric Darby. He'd been everything my parents wanted me to be attracted to. "Never had one." I admitted looking at the door. "You think the other house is busier than this?"

Janine cut in on the conversation. "Sweetheart, this is our downtime for the night. It gets busier around 8 or so. You know that."

I did know that. But I was feeling extra antsy today after seeing my check. "I only have one booking today."

That opened up a new discussion on whether it was fair to have bookings. It cut into their schedules if a walk in wanted time with them, but was good when they were slow. No one seemed to know if it was better or worse to have appointments. I took the cigarette Erin offered me with a smile of thanks, blowing smoke away from myself while I tried not to drop ashes on my pink corset top I'd matched with the black leather skirt borrowed from Lyla's closet. She was like having an older sister with just the right slutty clothes. It almost 8 now. Soon I'd have to go get ready for Mr. Evans. _Ugh. _

I tilted my head back taking a drag off of the menthol while I listened to the other girls talk. One or two got pulled away as people came in looking for a hook up. Soon it was just me, Erin, Janine, and two others I wasn't sure of their names. They were a couple of the girls that filtered through on occasion when they needed an income boost. Like me, they only hooked it if they could do it on Nero's watch.

"Shit.. This is starting to get to me. Waiting." One of the blondes said with a dramatic sigh raking her inch long nails through her fried hair.

Her friend nodded in agreement looking towards the door. "Oh wait. Here comes one. A cute one." She started to stand when I looked over.

Juice was walking through the lounge with an easy stride. The baggy hoodie was gone leaving him in a tight white shirt with his kutte over it. And he was looking straight at me. I reached over giving the blonde a gentle push back down as I stood up. "No. This ones mine." I said with so much possession it was shocked me. "You take Mr. Evans at 9."

Erin gave me a grin of encouragement with a whispered "Hook him in!"

Hook him in was exactly what I was planning on doing. I walked towards Juice with my half smoked cigarette between my light pink lipstick until I reached him at his place at the Goddess Bar where the girl behind the counter was sliding him the normal beer. He turned to the side just as I made it to him with a little smirk on his face. "This is different." he observed eyeing me up and down.

It was all I could do not to shiver when his eyes clung to just the right spots. "So is this." I motioned at my face in reference to his own fading bruises.

He just shrugged it off like having a face that looked like hamburger was normal. He reached into his pocket sliding out his own smokes. Once he had one between his fingers he raised it at me leaning towards me for a light from my own. He stood back again still eyeing me. "So how about that next time?"

"You sure you're up for it tonight? Should I ask if you've taken any medication?" I smirked at Juice pretending to fiddle around with the bow of my corset strings.

Juice didn't even finish half of his cigarette. He smashed it out into the ashtray nearby then reached over plucking mine away to do the same. When he turned back around to face me, I actually did shiver when he leaned down to talk into my ear. "If you're not available tonight go put a different skirt on before I do something I might regret later."

My body tingled to life. "How about you show me what that is in room 5 hon?" I whispered back wondering where in the hell this newfound bravery was coming from. "I'll get Lyla to book you in. Put the robe on if you want a massage first."

"The only thing I'm interested in you touching I don't need the robe for." Juice grinned standing back up straight. "Don't take forever."

He grabbed his beer from the counter walking off to find the said room with a smugness about him. It wasn't until he was out of my sight that I started to feel a little bit nervous. _What in the hell had I just done? _I was still staring at the open hallway when I made it over to Lyla's stand. "Book room 5. Juice."

Lyla glanced up at me with a sly grin. "I knew it as soon as he walked through the door."

"I'm glad one of us did." I was starting to rethink this idea. Maybe I should get some practice in first. "I swear Lyla, if he passes out, I'm never having sex again."

She burst out laughing trying to stifle it with her hand. "It'll be great. I promise. Go see for yourself."

_I really should have thought this through_.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Juice had on a towel when I slipped into the room. He had his back turned to the door folding up his kutte in a careful little square that he slid on top of the dresser. "Took you long enough."

"Sorry O Bossy one. Some of us had to change into something more… suitable." I walked up behind him to slide my arms around him.

I rubbed up and down his sides with slow circles kissing the soft as butter skin being careful not to mess with the jagged ugly scar midways down on his right side. "I thought you were gonna try to back down on me Fingers."

_Fingers_. I tried not to grimace at the sound of that name leaving his mouth. "Call me Lindsey baby." I toyed with the top of his white towel that was keeping him from being completely naked.

Juice pushed my hands away to grab a hold of my wrist jerking me around to his front with such power I didn't even think twice about following where he was pulling me. "Okay Lindsey… you know, you don't look like most hookers."

"You don't look like most bikers." I tossed back tensing when he started running an index finger along the bone structure of my face.

"You're a pretty girl." It was more of an observation than a statement the way he said it. "You sure you're up for doing this?"

He knew I was still nervous of being alone with him. I stared back at him looking into the bruised face. The cuts were almost healed completely; the band aids gone. "Hey, I have nothing to back down from. I told you I could handle you, you were the one that couldn't handle me if I remember right."

"You got lucky that night." He whispered into my ear, pushing my hair out of the way. His lips touched the skin lightly. "I'm completely sober and ready to go now."

I reached down, slipping a hand under his towel, knocking it off in the process, to feel his cock. "Don't seem ready to go to me."

"Oh don't worry about that. That's not a problem, trust me." Juice smirked before pushing his mouth on mine boldly.

_Hot damn _he could kiss. My knees were getting weak just with his mouth working my own lips over. I could taste the cigarette he'd smoked before coming inside along with a breath mint. _Mentos_. His tongue pushed against my lips parting them then darted against mine, rolling slightly before leaving just as fast as it'd entered.

I let out a little sigh when he trailed kisses over to my neck, nipping slightly then kissing along my collarbone. "What are you looking for tonight Juice?" I breathed through kisses.

"Everything." Juice grinned sexily pulling away. "You have a lot to live up to with those magic fingers of yours, you know."

Then his mouth was back on mine. His hands were shoving the short robe I'd put on off of my body. "Lose the robe babe." He whispered against my lips then kissed me again as the robe hit the floor. "Let me see what I'm getting here."

I felt on display when he stepped back with his dark eyes looking over my thin frame. They looked over my breasts, him biting down on his lip slightly then continued down to where I was thankful for the Brazilian wax I'd gotten. He had no shame whatsoever in his own nakedness and dropped down on the end of the bed. "C'mere."

He meant business this time. We were back to kissing each other heatedly, hands tangled up in hair and bodies pressing against each others. A pure wanting was aching between my legs in an agonizing way. When he sucked on my earlobe and I moaned, he paused for just a moment looking at me as I trembled in his hold.

It was amazing. Knowing that I was in this room with the man I'd been checking out for weeks. It was mind blowing that I was about to have him in the way I wanted. I'd never went after someone like this before. I had a leg over his side letting him pretty much grab and squeeze what the hell he wanted to. I didn't care. If the kissing was this great I could only imagine the sex I was about to have.

He made the first move of taking it further, sliding a hand over my mound cupping it at first then teasing me by circling my clit with a light touch. It'd been so long since anyone had done anything to me that I whined a little bit, forgetting that I was supposed to be a sex goddess right now not someone who hadn't had sex in a year or more. Still, I couldn't help the way I tensed up grabbing onto his shoulders. I could feel his mouth curling into a grin. "Relax."

Juice dipped his hand down further slipping a finger inside of me then pulling it back out spreading the wetness up and down my slit then withdrew it completely to tug the thin panties down all the way. I tried to kick them to the side quickly, anticipating the sex so much that I was tangled up in them kicking over and over until I thought I'd die of embarrassment. More so when he pushed my hands off of him to lean up and grab them.

Juice knotted his fingers through my hair pulling me back up into a sitting position. He kissed me hard before turning one handful loose to take my hand in his pressing it on his hardness. "You know what to do?" He asked in a low husky voice.

I nodded kissing his jaw right where the cut was then his neck. The Son tat was next until I reached his nipple swirling my tongue around it before continuing my exploration of his body. _His body_. I loved it. I'd never touched another one like his His tan stomach was rock hard when my lips brushed against it. I dropped to my knees on the carpet at the foot of the bed nervously. I kissed his thighs, liking that he shaved everything. Hair was a major turn off.

I licked at his balls next going up to lick on the base of his cock then trailed my tongue up to the head. I stared up at him as I spit on it then went down taking him in little by little gagging. "Go slow.. don't rush. I'll tell you what I want." Juice said quietly touching my forehead with his knuckles.

And he did. Juice grasped the side of my face moving me up and down on his cock how he wanted me to. He wasn't shy about muttering for me to use my tongue or squeeze his balls. It was almost like he was teaching me something Lyla hadn't. "You swallow?" He asked brushing my hair out of my eyes.

"Mmmhmm." I mumbled getting the reaction I knew I would from the vibration.

I could feel him hitting the back of my throat and sucked in, my cheeks going hallow. I went over the moves I'd learned in motion with him. Play with the balls, suck him like the best damn lollipop you've ever tasted in your life, and hum a little bit. I knew without a doubt if I couldn't do anything else in bed, I could give a good blowjob.

It was working. His hands were in my hair again, tugging at the roots slightly. I bobbed my head up and down as he groaned rolling his hips back and forth in a motion that gave me an idea of how he'd move once he was inside me. I ran my fingernails up and down his thighs for added effect, letting him full on fuck my mouth before he started yanking harder on my hair.

"Get up here." He ordered me in a deeper tone than usual. "Now unless you want me to cum in your mouth."

I crawled up his body pausing over his cock but pressing myself down against it. "Am I doing okay?" I asked touching at the bruises on his chest again while he unsnapped my bra throwing it to the side. I leaned down, pressing my breasts against him while I reached for the bedside table for a condom. Nero's number one rule; wrap it up.

I sat back again, liking the way it felt when he took a breast in each hand sucking on them in turns. No one had ever paid me this much attention in bed before. _Ever_. "Yes… I like that. I sighed cupping the back of his head while he tongue twirled my nipple then bit at it.

Juice's fingers were the magic fingers here in this room. I shut my eyes tightly, reveling in the spots he was rubbing against with his pumping motion. I was dripping onto his hand but he didn't care. He kept going as I gasped and bucked onto his fingers, getting closer to a release I knew would feel amazing. _Holy shit_…my head dipped back with an 'awed' sound.

"Lindsey…You want on top?" He asked me quietly with his mouth pressed against my ear.

My eyes flew open. "I… I'm not…whatever you want." I got out, bracing myself by putting my hands on his shoulders. He was still fingering me like there was no tomorrow. My legs were feeling shaky.

"That's not what I asked." He pointed out slowly starting to move us together with me still on him to lay me on my back while he hovered over me. "You scared?" He sounded like he was amused by the way I was sitting up on my elbows watching his moves.

"Kind of." I admitted without regret. Lyla had been right, Juice would be sweet to me once we were in bed together. He wasn't… mean.

Juice pulled the condom from my grip with his free hand, biting it open. He stopped pumping his hand away inside me long enough to sheath himself. "Lay back and enjoy the ride pretty girl."

He didn't even have to push my legs apart, I spread them open for him dying with want when he shoved into me out of nowhere. I felt.. _Full_. Too full. But not full at the same time. I wanted more. And more. I held onto the back of his neck, crying out from the sheer pleasure of how he felt. "Yes…" I sighed softly.

"Yes what?" Juice whispered pulling out then slamming into me again.

"Yes…it feels amazing. Keep going like that." I was pleading with him for more. I pushed my hips up towards his trying to get him to give me what I my body was wanting so damn bad.

"Be careful what you wish for."

My hands flew to my face, trying to hide the expressions I was making as our bodies pressed together finding a hard rhythm. His cock was big enough he was rubbing against my clit every time he thrust roughly. _Don't cum… don't cum _I reminded myself_… make sure he's taken care_ _of… make sure…. Holy shit…. _My eyes rolled back into my head as he swiveled his hips around in a circle making my toes curl and hands try to muffle the screams of "Juice! Yes… Juice! _Oh my god_!" That were so loud I knew they'd be able to hear me in the hallway.

"God… god… Jesus." I panted followed with a loud whine as I came again. His hands went to my hips, holding my lower body still for him to drill into like a jackhammer. I could hear his balls hitting against my skin and was turned on even more. I was pulling at my own hair now, fighting like hell not to break another rule and leave scratches down his back from needing to hold onto something to deal with this…. Ecstasy.

Then he was pulling my hips in an offset motion against his pulling himself even deeper inside of me. "Keep moving like that." He let go bracing himself on his hands again.. Sweat was starting to roll down his forehead.

I rolled my hips digging my fingers into the sheets with a whine that sounded inhuman. After a moment of trying to stay like that my left leg was bending instinctively to wrap around his lower back. The power that was illuminating off of him above was amazing. He was a mass of muscle and dominance.

"Roll over." Juice groaned before pulling out of me much to my disappointment. "C'mon… I'll tell you what to do."

I didn't even question him. I flipped over, gripping at the sheets as he entered me from behind. "God… you're so good… I don't want you to stop." I moaned into the mattress. It was something I'd been taught to say but I meant it right now. As long as Juice was inside of me, everything was good. I had no worries except that he'd finish.

Juice rested one hand on the back of my neck using it as the leverage to bring me back and forth against him. "Just like that…" He instructed his free hand was starting to grope around my ass.

It seemed impossible that this was even happening. Juice was fucking me. And it was damn good. I buried my face into the mattress trying to choke down my gasps. I felt awkward pushing back against him and paused for just a split second when he grabbed my hips yanking me back. "You gotta work it."

After a few minutes He was pushing my knees further apart with one of his so that I was laying down more than hunching over. "What do I do now?" I managed to choke out trying to look over my shoulder at him.

He didn't answer me. His forehead was wrinkled in concentration as he pushed my head back around. He was practically laying on top of me, held up only on one elbow. I felt him kiss the back of my neck a couple of times.

Juice reached a hand between us, rubbing my clit furiously as he pounded away with quiet sighs and moans of his own. I thought I heard him mumbling something just before he dug his fingers into me hard enough I squealed and thrust even rougher than before coming to still behind me.

He didn't move away while we both tried to catch our breath. I wasn't sure I could have moved even if he had wanted me to. Juice kissed my temple while his chest heaved. "Holy shit… was that even legal?"

I couldn't help but start laughing at how serious he was. I turned so that my laughs were muffled into the pillow beside us. "Shouldn't you ask that before you corrupt an innocent minor?." I teased in a serious enough voice that he'd paled slightly when I looked back at him. "I'm kidding! Geez!"

Juice grinned lazily in a way that I hadn't saw before. I liked it. It was like I was looking at a completely different man when he had this type of expression. It was warm and inviting, not cold and empty.

"Why in the hell are you working as a hooker Lindsey? That.. No offense here… but that wasn't exactly what most hookers do in bed." He rolled off of me onto his back beside me on the sweat soaked sheets. Sex was hanging heavily in the air.

My eyes narrowed into little slits, bristling at the idea of him doing what we'd just done with Erin just a couple of days ago. "Next time I'll get Erin for you then."

"Shit.. that's not what I meant. I'm not in the habit of pickin up hookers, but usually they're.. older. And they're telling _me_ what to do. Not the other way around."

"You tryin to say I suck in bed?" I leaned up on my elbow giving him a dirty look. I'd thought I did a halfway decent job. I'd been compliant if anything.

Juice gave me an exasperated look. "I didn't say that either. You just seem.. Innocent. Like you've never been _fucked_ really good."

It was all I could do not to roll away from him and avoid all eye contact. "You offering to take on the job then?" I replied coyly running a finger along his 'Son' tat.

"Maybe." Juice was watching my hand closely, like he was on edge again. "Private lessons huh?"

"Sure, if that's what you want to call it. I could go for that. Maybe you can teach me a few things." I smirked at him touching his "shine" next. "Free of charge of course."

"How 'bout you tell me how old you are, and how you ended up in a brothel first? And if.. For some god awful reason I just took your virginity?" He bargained with a raised eyebrow. He grabbed my wrist when I started to touch the reaper on his arm. "Not that one."

I tugged my wrist out of his grip with a little sigh. "Not supposed to get personal with the clients you know."

Juice sat up again rolling to grab his jeans from the floor for his cigarettes. I frowned a little noticing that his injuries went all the way around to his back. What in the hell had happened to him?

"So I'm right then. You are young. And you'd never been with anyone over 17 before a few minutes ago." Juice blew his lungful of smoke out settling back into the pillows again beside me.

"I'm young. I work here because it's a job, I needed one pretty bad and Jax hired me." I pulled the sheet up to cover the tops of my boobs careful not to get too close to him underneath the sheets. He didn't seem like the cuddle type with the exception of the grin I'd just saw.

He studied me some more making me squirm under his gaze. "Stop staring at me." I ordered rolling onto my side. "Now I get to ask you a question. Why are you picking up hookers? You're a good lookin guy."

That grin again. Hot damn, if my panties were still on they'd be dropping. "Do you not want me to pick up hookers? I thought you'd like that. You seemed to anyways when you were screaming my name."

"Just wondering…" I frowned at him noticing how he suddenly went wide eyed. "Hey, are you okay?"

Juice didn't answer me. He rolled off of the bed grabbing his boxers on the way to the bathroom. The door shut abruptly when I started to sit up. What in the hell?

I sat there wrapped in the sheet for a couple of minutes, waiting. Was he sick again? I wondered. I stood up slowly dragging the mass of silk with me towards the bathroom, pausing outside with my hand poised to knock. I listened carefully for any sign he was sick and felt my pulse jump when I realized he was mumbling to himself.

"Fuck you, there's nothing wrong with it."

"I didn't hurt her. Not like the other one." A pause and then a sigh. "I have seriously got to get a grip on this shit." Juice was saying in an undertone.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek wondering if I should just scurry back to the bed and pretend I hadn't just heard him arguing with himself. This was strange even for Juice. Then he spoke again "Just leave me alone. Please." It was the voice of a desperate man.

I knocked softly, deciding it would be wrong to stand there listening any longer. "Hey Juice? Baby? You okay?"

There was a pause. The door opened up slowly, Juice with one of his easy going grins. "I'm good pretty girl. So.. About those lessons…"


	11. Chapter 11

**I really appreciate all of the reviews I've gotten for this story, keep 'em coming and let me know the good or the bad opinions. I can take constructive criticism lol. **

**Thanks goesTeamBlaus for all of her input and help with this story. It gets better as it goes along, I swear. **

**I'll apologize now for the length of this chapter, I just couldn't see a good place to split it up into two separate postings though. Its taken me a while to get it just right, and I want to take a moment to remind you all…. Lindsey is what she is, and Juice isn't being sweet Juice like he was in earlier seasons. He's a little messed up. With that being said, this is far by my smuttiest fic so please, expect a ton of that. **

**Next time, we'll get further into the club stuff, Tara's death etc, for now…. Enjoy :D **

Chapter 11

_Pretty little monster, isn't she?_

Jose, Jack, Jim, and Johnny were my best buds nowadays. As long as I had them for entertainment I didn't need anyone else. To hell with the club once I was holed up inside of my house for the night. Or rather what was left of it when I made my way home from the parlor.

I loved my club. More than anything I loved the sense of family I had around me after I'd became a patched member. What I didn't love was always second guessing myself around them lately. Every move I made I felt like they were waiting for a screw up. A reason to send Mr. Mayhem to my door. A reason to strip my patches away.

I touched the kutte I had draped across my knees, my legs propped up on the coffee table. Redwood Original. That one was something to be proud of. Not only was I a member, but I belonged to the mother charter. My fingers brushed against 'Men of Mayhem' next, sighing a little to no one but myself.

That one would always haunt me. Most guys were ecstatic when they'd earned that one. I'd felt like a fraud and liar the day Clay handed it to me. Called me 'son'. It was always a memory trigger of anything Clay when I let myself delve too much into it. This leather was worn, dirty, and near impossible to destroy. It was almost like I was.

I reached into the inner pocket, feeling for the lighter I knew I had stashed away in one of the pockets somewhere. I had a joint already rolled and ready for enjoyment as soon as I could light it up. I stuffed my hand in, frowning then grinning like an idiot when I pulled out something I'd almost forgotten about. Lindsey's panties.

They were small. Really small. Lacey little things. I'd snatched them off of the floor when I was pulling on my own clothes. She'd watched wide eyed when I stuffed them into my kutte with a wink in her direction. I hadn't done that in a while, taken panties to add to the collection. Hell, I hadn't even looked at the collection at that.

I fingered them, my cock twitching as my mind went to where they'd been. Lindsey's pussy. It'd felt amazing to finally fuck her. She'd been tight as hell just like I'd known she would be. And so willing…. I crumpled the fabric into my palm bringing it to my face while my other hand jerked my jeans undone.

Rock hard and horny as hell now that I was going over the details of my hook up, I had no shame in grasping myself and rolling my fist up, then down again stroking. She'd been no virgin, but she had an innocence about her that I liked. I liked how she'd looked up at me through those long lashes for approval with my cock in between her pretty lips. The way she'd let her robe fall when I told her I wanted to look at her. She was so trusting. And no one trusted me anymore.

"_What do you want me to do now?" _She'd asked me breathlessly bent over letting me take her from the back. That had done it for me; I'd came right after she said that. The knowledge that she'd do whatever I asked had been a head rush literally. _I_ was in charge. She was letting me overpower the entire thing unlike her hooker friend had done.

Pretty girl that she was, it was mind blowing that she hadn't been more experienced. I stroked myself quicker, letting my mind rove over to her little gasps and whines. Those creamy white thighs locked around my waist. The feel of her wetness warm against my own legs from the way she'd started to spasm orgasm after orgasm until she shook and just looked at me like I was in a no mans land with her.

The thing that set me off now, bringing myself to my own release, was remembering the way she said my name. No one had said it that way before. It wasn't a pleading, or a curse, it was a sin when she'd whimpered it over and over. She'd wanted me. Wanted to please me.

I grabbed my shirt from beside me where I'd taken it off, wiping my jizz away. I'd seriously stooped to the level of jacking off. What in the hell was wrong with me? Was I thirteen again? _Fuck. _

_What's wrong? You're losing it bro. That's what's wrong. You lost it when you fucked her, remember?_

"Not tonight…" I groaned lighting the said joint from earlier, inhaling hard hoping to smoke the voices away. "Can't I have one completely normal day for once?"

_Not a chance in hell of that happening. Not until you fix things. You lost it. Remember? Remember?_

I did remember. I'd been completely cool and soaking in post coital relaxation until I'd saw the little telltale marks of where I'd been holding onto her. I'd toed the line of being too rough. Being too rough wasn't an option. I didn't want to hurt anyone again. No one. Not even a hooker.

_Is she just a hooker? Or a pretty girl that has a thing for you? She stares at you like she can see you for what you are. A monster. _

"If I'm a monster she wouldn't stare like that." I reasoned leaning back into the couch cushions staring up at the white ceiling. I should really clean, I noticed spotting a small cobweb.

_Do nice guys come home and relax after burning a dead body in the woods with their brothers? No. _

Rubbing my Mohawk, I thought that over. "I can be good. I know I can be one of the good guys. I have to be."

_Or what? You'll try to off yourself again? Pills ? Chain? Speeding car? Motorcycle stunts? Or maybe try for alcohol poisoning this time?_

"Why am I even talking to you? I'm alone. No one's here. Its just me. I'm alone." I was always alone. And that was the increasing problem. Anytime I was alone, this started. "You don't exist. Only me."

_And me. I'm here inside you. _

"I need a dog." I sighed looking down at my bare chest at the Son skull, the place I knew the voice was coming from. "A dog and another round with Lindsey."

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You were supposed to love all your brothers. That didn't mean you had to love them equally.

I'd never had any beef with Ratboy. He'd been a quiet, twitchy prospect, a willing participant in anything that went down. We'd made the long trip to Reno together not too long ago, bonding time some might say. We'd gotten along great. We weren't especially close. Never had been. And now, never would be.

I had a growling dislike for the little bastard. He was on my bad side, and I didn't know exactly when a bad side had even formed. That was new too. Before I'd gotten along with everyone. Now…. I didn't like him. It'd started with the first punch that'd been thrown that night in the warehouse. Getting beat down by someone that wasn't even a longtime member was low in my book. He was still a club newbie.

But this new full blown dislike was coming from the realization that the pretty girl I liked to fuck was also _his_ pretty girl.

Now I was stuck in the van with him, glaring out of the tinted windows at the warehouse across the street. A Mayan warehouse. It was crawling with them, carrying shit out, taking shit in, Alvarez supervising them from a loading dock. So far, nothing seemed out of the ordinary but Jax's orders had been to see exactly what they were up to since we'd picked up on some trouble between them and the Grim Bastards.

Rat was still a twitchy little fucker. He'd tugged on his greasy bangs at least ten times in the past five minutes, irritating the fuck out of me. "What you think is in those boxes?"

"H." I replied with a loud sigh reclining the seat back. "They move it to the prisons around here, and use the front for the other distributions too. Always have. Nothings goin on around here." Not yet anyways. I was sure that whatever Alvarez and Nero were up to, they were doing at night and most likely out of Byz Lat territory.

"I'll text Jax. Let him know. Maybe I can get some sleep in." Rat pulled his burner out typing with fast, hard strokes of the keys.

I frowned, sitting up a little bit straighter when I saw the dark haired hooker from Diosa getting out of the bright red Scion that had just pulled up by the dock. Erin. She waved over at Alvarez, a smile on her pretty face as she went to the backseat of her car. Alvarez jumped down from the dock, walking towards her, a grin held in place.

"I didn't know Nero's girls were this acquainted with the Mayans." I said watching every move they were making. "What about your little friend? She say anything?"

It was a way to dig out some info on just how close they were, and see if she really did know anything useful. Kill two birds with one stone.

Erin leaned down, standing back up with a puppy that couldn't have been more than 6 weeks old in her arms. She held him out to Alvarez who took him, rubbing his ears enthusiastically as he dug out his wallet, paying her for the mutt. It was a cute puppy. A pit bull, a blue pit at that. Now _this_ was interesting…..

"My little friend has a name ya know. And no, she hasn't said anything. Why would she?" Rat looked annoyed that I'd brought her up. A sure sign that he wasn't getting any.

"Just wondering bro. So, how's the hooker sex?"

His fist clocked me in the chest with a glare that made my lips curl into a smile. "Fuck you Juice. What's your problem?"

_Lots of things _I thought to myself wryly. Nothing I wanted to share however. "No problem. Just wanted to offer some older brother advice and tell you make sure you wrap that shit up."

"I think I know how it all works." His phone buzzed breaking apart our little tiff when he flipped it open. "Jax said come back in."

Good. I was sick of being the lookout. I had more important things to do. Like get that dog I'd been thinking on.

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Lindsey's POV

I'd spent the night on one of the uncomfortable red couches in the lounge, my body was screaming at me in protest now when I rolled myself into a sitting position wincing. Talk about sore.

I rubbed the corners of my eyes sleepily, frowning a little at Nero's form walking into the kitchen. He'd been distant and a little grumpy at times since breaking it off with Gemma not too long ago. More importantly, he'd been sleeping more at Diosa putting me out of a bed. I refused to stoop to the level of Janine or Charlotte and 'party' with him.

It was only 11 when I made it out of the shower, walking around straightening up the lounge feeling pretty damn hot in my boots, shorts, and tank top. Hair was freshly dyed thanks to Ellie's help the night before and hanging down in loose waves with my sunglasses holding it out of my eyes. I was thinking about looking for Emelie later, wondering where she'd even be at this time of the day. I'd missed our breakfast for three days in a row already.

I was vaguely aware of Fiasco and Gomes watching me from the open door of Nero's room, with curious eyes. Gomes was the creepier of the two that was for sure. Fiasco…. Was grinning at me. I gave him a small smile in return standing back up from wiping one of the vases down with a cleaning rag.

Lyla was off today, leaving Janet to do the booking and hooking since I was taking the night off too. She was a bright blonde that resembled Lyla, but was more showy with her style of dress. Right now she was thumbing through the schedule to make up the cards of who was there tonight to pass out to the clients. "Would you mind grabbing me a sleeve of paper out of the office?" She asked me glancing up.

"Sure. Why not?" I sighed trudging off into Nero's room with the two 'gangstas' nodding at me when I entered the room.

Nero himself was on the phone, motioning for me to get whatever it was I was after. I bent down beside him digging through his mess of papers, books, and file folders for a fresh sleeve when I heard the commotion out front.

"Where the hell is she? I know she's here." Came a very familiar voice that made my face turn blood red instantly.

This couldn't be happening.

Janet was trying to stay business like, talking in a friendly tone. "You'll have to come back during regular business hours, I'm sorry. Lindsey's a busy girl before opening."

"I don't give a damn about your business hours or how busy the little slut is. She'll see me now." My mother snapped.

I stood up quickly, face flaming to a whole new level when I smacked the back of my head on the underside of the desk. "I am so sorry." I whispered to Nero rushing out to the front.

My mom was standing there in her old, worn Levis and a non descript plaid shirt. No curlers at least. She still had the eyesight of an eagle, spotting me the second I appeared. "Took you long enough."

"What do you want?" I said quietly trying to motion for her to quiet down. "I'm working."

She gave me a smirk, looking over my clothes. "If you're whoring, I'd say you look the part."

I put a hand over my mouth, trying to hide the way my mouth was starting to tremble. "I can't really have… visitors. Make it quick."

"Don't you tell me what to do." She growled with a shake of her head in a defiant manner. "Can't I come by to see how my daughter is doing?"

"No you really can't. You threw me out." I was speaking just above a whisper. "Can we talk outside?"

Mom held a hand up, stopping me from taking her arm. "No need to put on airs. Just give me what I want and I'll leave."

I knew she hadn't came by for a social call. "I don't have any money."

"Yes you do!" She near shrieked causing Fiasco and Gomes to both stand in the office, coming out slowly to stand a few feet away.

"Everything good Linds?" Fiasco called over to me, arms across his chest with a look that said he clearly didn't like my mother.

I nodded over my shoulder. "She was just leaving." I glanced back at her. "I don't have any money. I don't even have a place to live."

Mom put on her 'woe is me' look I'd come to know over the years. "If you don't help me I'm going to jail." Her lower lip trembled. "I wrote a few checks, to pay some bills you know….."

"And now you can't pay them." I finished for her with a sigh. I wanted her out of here as fast as I could get her gone without Gomes shoving her out forcibly. "I can't help you."

She glared at Fiasco behind me, he'd moved closer with a hard look in his dark eyes. "I know when you're lying." Her eyes darted back to my face.

"Mom, please leave." I said softly willing her to listen to me for once in her life. "I'd help you if I could, I swear."

Her manner turned sour towards me in a breaths notice. "To hell with you then." She spat down at my feet. "Lying little cunt won't even help her own flesh and blood."

She whirled around leaving just as Fiasco made a move towards her, with me pushing on his stomach lightly. "She's leaving." I told him even more embarrassed now that he'd came to my rescue. "Thanks though."

He nodded taking a step back, watching the door close. "Just doing my job chica. Watching out for the girls."

Nero appeared in the door sliding his phone into his shirt pocket. "Everything okay out here?"

"Perfect." I told him with a grimace. "Fucking perfect."

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My past seemed to be catching up with me with no mercy I decided as I walked down main street keeping an eye out for Emelie. I'd lied to my mom, I did have money. I had a decent little bit stashed away for my ultimate goal of getting a place to live but nowhere near the amount I knew it'd taken. Still, I could afford to eat some lunch while I was out. It just so happened that the sidewalk that took me to Nikki's diner was also the same one my ex boyfriend was skulking around on.

He spotted me before I could turn and go the opposite direction. His dark hair was still on the longish side, blue eyes just as cold as ever when he zeroed in on me with a mocking grin. "Well, well well.. I'd heard you were turning tricks but I didn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes."

I felt filthy when Eric made a show of looking me up and down, eyes hugging my thighs in the boots I was wearing. "What do you want Darby? I've had a bad day and seeing you is like rubbing salt into the wound."

Eric's grin broadened circling around me. "Let me guess, your old bag of a mother wanted to borrow some cash?"

"Are you serious?" I snapped rubbing my temples with my fingers, feeling the stress already pounding my head.

"Hell yes I'm serious. They owe me a boat load of cash, ran up a big ass debt for their daily fix of crank. Promised to pay by the 6th when your old man's check comes. Then it was the 8th. Then it was yesterday. Now, she's out of time." Eric leaned down so close I could smell the body wash he used, the same one he'd always used. It made my stomach churn.

He ran a finger down my side making my skin prickle like I'd been set on fire in the places he touched. "Don't touch me." I ordered him through clenched teeth.

Eric's hand palmed at my ass, not caring that we were standing on an open street with plenty of onlookers. "Why not? Not like I haven't already saw what's under those little scraps. Or apparently most of Charming if they're willing to pay for it."

"That's the difference. They're paying. You're not. So get your hands off of me." I snapped jerking away from him while he laughed loudly.

"You know, if I didn't already know what a sorry lay you were I'd say we could take out your parents debt in trade." Eric's knowing look made me want to claw his eyes out. "Tell me, how much do you get paid to lay there while someone-"

I socked him as hard as I could, the memories proving to be too much for my state of my mind. "Don't you dare bring that up."

His laugh was loud and annoying. "Fine then. Doesn't change the fact that it happened. Now lets talk real babe…. I want my damn money." His eyes had changed to ice and steel.

"Talk to my mom about it then." I tossed my hair haughtily. "Its not my problem."

"That's where you're wrong. It is your problem. No money means no mom. Got it?" His meaning was loud and clear.

"You wouldn't." I said narrowing my eyes at him. "They treated you good Eric."

Eric shrugged carelessly lighting a cigarette. "Doesn't change that I need my money. If I let them slip by, then others will think that they can too. Might need to make an example out of them."

I knew him well enough to know he was being serious now. "How.. How much money?" I asked quietly fighting off the nagging that had already started in my mind. I couldn't afford to part with my stash. But I couldn't let him off my parents either.

He smiled, it was _too_ friendly. "I knew you'd see things my way."

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I was back to square one of eating fruit and chips at work. It'd taken every bit of my stash to pay their debt leaving me with exactly $5 in change until I got paid again. I was in the kitchen before my shift started a couple days later, munching on a bag of Nero's beloved popcorn while he was out. It'd be easy to blame on one of the other girls with no witnesses.

The kitchen door swung open as Erin topped in laughing at something over her shoulder. "Oh hey. I didn't know you were in here."

I watched her rummaging around for a pack of straws to take back to the bar no doubt. "Yeah. I start my shift in a few. Wanted to eat while I could. I'm hopin for a busy night."

"Saw Romeo last night." Erin teased me with a grin leaning over the counter on her elbows. "He came by around 8 to check out that new woman of his."

Juice. She'd saw Juice. At her house no less. I swallowed my popcorn down with difficulty; my throat had gone dry at the mention of a 'new woman'. "Oh? I didn't know he had a girl." I tried to keep up a front.

She winked at me standing back up straight tugging her necklace around her neck. "He does now. She's exactly 6 weeks old and gives him plenty of tongue. He seemed to like that she was the runt of the litter too. Must like the weaker ones."

I rolled my eyes, understanding her meaning now. "You sold him a damn dog?" I shook my head picturing the tough looking biker with one of the many puppies Erin had been trying to pawn off on everyone at work lately. So far only Gomes, Janet, and one of the Mayans that came by to see Nero had actually taken her up on her offer of a puppy.

"Apparently he wanted some company over at his place. Said he was looking for someone to keep the bed warm for him." Erin laughed again finally getting me to break into a grin with her. "He mentioned you too."

A little bulb of hope bloomed in my chest underneath my leopard print top. "Really?! What'd he say?" I asked excitedly then caught myself. "I mean… that's cool."

"He said that the pretty girl told Rat I had puppies." She walked back to the door pausing with her hand on it. "I didn't know you'd been out with Rat again."

I hadn't been. For whatever reason though, Juice had lied. But I was okay with that, he'd called me 'pretty girl' again. "Oh yeah… earlier… I'm going to try tracking him down again tomorrow."

And that wasn't a lie, I really was going to try finding my almost brother and hope he'd take pity on me and buy me dinner. I didn't like to take charity but I was starving. Breakfast at the soup kitchen wasn't much to hold me over the entire day. Rat was a sure thing if we went somewhere, he was every bit a gentleman. It was the tracking him down that was rough.

I glanced up at the clock. "shit, I have a potential client in 5." I wiped my mouth the back of my hand hoping I still had lipstick left before following her out to the lounge. Time to hustle some food money.

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The hustle went good for me the night before I decided counting the bills that were in my envelope Nero had tossed to me when I stepped into his room. I wasn't scrounging anymore off of minimum wage that was for sure. Last night had consisted of unfulfilling sex with two men that I wasn't even the least bit attracted to, a blowjob that had made me grimace every time the guy jerked on my hair, and a massage ending with the gray headed man requesting I do it topless and rub syrup into his hairy back. So much for stress relief.

As good as the pay out was though, I knew I had to put some of it back again. And then I needed to get my nails done. And my hair. So that left me… not much. I sighed separating the money into its baggies, each with its own purpose, before stuffing them into my backpack again. I slid the straps over my shoulders, my back up plan for any reason I didn't make it back to Diosa again before closing or that if I did and there were still people milling around so I couldn't sleep there. It'd happened a couple of times, leaving me to search for a place to sleep.

I shut the door to the storage closet behind me walking back out to the front where Lyla was swinging her car keys around on a finger talking with Nero. "Hey." I flashed a smile at them going to grab myself a bottle of water from the bar.

"I just haven't had the time to run it over yet." Lyla was saying looking tired as Nero nodded handing her a large manila envelope.

He rubbed his goatee glancing over at me looking thoughtful. "What's your plans for the day Fingers?"

I shrugged going closer as I sipped on the bottle I'd twisted open. "Nothin too major. Walk to the diner for some food, maybe go look at cameras I can't afford. What's up?"

Nero pulled the folders back out of Lyla's arms. "How about running these over to the ice cream parlor for me? I gotta run to Stockton and Ly needs to be here. Just make sure they go to Jax or Bobby."

"Sure , why not? Visiting a bunch of dirty greasy bikers sounds like a good time to me."

"Must not be hanging out with the bikers if they don't appeal to you." Alvarez's voice said as he came through the doorway with one of his guys in tow. "Thought we could chat a minute." He said to Nero with a nod.

"Mr. Alvarez." I smiled at him taking the folders from Nero. "I'll be back in later." I said to Nero before tailing after Lyla.

I waited until we were out of ear shot to look down at the folders I was carrying. "Am I carrying anything illegal?"

Lyla laughed shaking her blonde mane around. "Noo… just some business licenses, payroll stuff, an audit of the earnings to show what kind of money we're making here. Jax will sign what needs to be signed."

"What if he's not there?"

"I guess you get to enjoy the eye candy?" She joked tossing her car keys at me. "Don't act like you haven't been thinking about him."

I had been. It was Juice's body I kept imagining on top of mine, Juice's mouth sucking on my bottom lip. I'd gotten a taste and now I was addicted. "I might be." I caught the keys with ease. "Ooo wow, I get to drive today?"

"Don't scratch my car." She warned pointing at me as if it were a threat. "I know someone that can hide your cold dead body for me in the blink of an eye if you even think about cruising around over 60."

"What kind of friends do you have exactly?" I asked aloud stuffing the folders into my already packed backpack.

"The ones you want." She smirked watching me with her arms crossed over herself. "Or a certain one you want anyway. I don't know, last time Juicy came by you weren't right the next day."

I glared at her then grinned remembering the teasing I'd endured over how in awe I was over Juice's bedroom skills. Truth was, I was dying for a release that hadn't been met in the few days since our hook up. I'd came close a couple of times, only to be disappointed. I needed to get laid. "I'll be back."

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There was a row if Harleys parked along the sidewalk, one after another. I had no idea whose was whose with the exception of Rat's, and that was only because I recognized the Reaper he had stitched on the seat. I parked next to them making a mental note to be careful as hell when I left, I was more worried about knocking over one of the bikes than Lyla's car.

I grabbed the envelope out of my backpack before I slid across the leather seats heading into the parlor where they were already staring at me. I pushed my sunglasses up, holding my hair out of my face. "I'm lookin for Jax or Bobby." I scanned the few guys milling around.

"Over here sweetheart." The curly headed biker waved to me from his perch on a red stool at the end of the counter. "Not everyday a pretty girl comes askin for me."

I flashed him a dazzling grin passing over the envelope. "Nero sent me, Lyla got slammed at Diosa, said to get some signatures on this stuff."

"I thought maybe you were lookin for me." Rat spoke coming to rest beside me on the counter with a shy grin.

"You were next on the list." I assured him turning up the charm when I saw Juice crouched down in the corner, Tig and Happy squatting too.

Juice's eyes swept my face, his jaw was held tense, eyes hollow once more. A little blue furball was at his feet, tail wagging like crazy. He showed no sign of speaking to me, just looked away like I was a nobody. The sting of being brushed off like that hurt my ego. I glanced back at Rat, not wanting to keep gawking like an idiot. "So I was thinking maybe I could get an ice cream cone for my services."

"What services you offering darlin?" Jax said coming down the stairs with the huge biker I'd saw a few times. He gave me an easy going grin taking the envelope Bobby offered him.

"Not the ones I'm sure you guys are hoping for." I laughed getting a chuckle from him. "I mean my carrier service."

I turned to lean over the counter, stomach pressed into the slab. "Maybe a chocolate waffle cone?"

Bobby motioned at Chuckie, the hands man that I couldn't help but stare at again. "Get the lady her payment." He joked standing up. "We'll get your papers back to you in a bit."

"Take your time." I shrugged, Rat settling down on Bobby's abandoned stool. "Rat can keep me company."

I knew what I was doing. If Juice didn't want to acknowledge me, fine. Rat would. I watched Chuckie dipping the ice cream out, listening to Rat go over our fun at the bowling alley when I felt a sharp pain in my ankle even through the hooker boots I was wearing. "What the hell" I glanced down.

The fur ball was at my feet yipping up at me. I smiled down at her leaning down to scratch the puppy behind her ears. She _was_ pretty cute I decided, rubbing her small body up and down getting a few appreciative licks on the wrist in return. "Aren't you sweet?" I cooed down to the puppy.

"Watch out. That thing bites if she thinks you're going to get too close to her owner. Little monster." Rat said shaking his head down at the dog.

"She's sweet." I argued back letting my eyes travel back over to where Juice had stood back up, watching me pet his puppy. "Unlike her owner." I said under my breath.

"Here you go m'lady." Chuckie said with a creepy little grin when I straightened up to take the ice cream from him.

"Thanks." I gave him a grin then settled down on the floor near Rat, where the puppy was jumping around with little growls that seemed ironic for something so small.

I licked down the two scoops of ice cream, knowing he was still watching me. I swirled my tongue in circles, pretending to lick where it was dripping at. See how he liked that. The puppy climbed onto my lap, sharp nails digging into my thighs and settled down, head resting on my shorts. I held the cone with one hand, rubbed the puppy with the other.

"You know, you guys aren't very entertaining for a biker club at 9 on a Thursday night." I teased Rat leaning against his legs.

Rat flicked the top of my head playfully. "What are we supposed to be doing? The only female around here is Juice's girl and she's a little young and hairy for my taste."

"What is your taste then?" I threw back getting a few whistles and laughs from the guys that were in earshot.

"Skinny blondes. Lots of ass." He tossed out with a sly look.

I swatted his legs, leaning off of him, scooting further away. "Skinny brunettes are nice too ya know."

"Too whiny."

I pretended to scoff at him, then cracked a smile as Juice's puppy lifted its little head and took a long lick off of my ice cream cone. "I don't think you're supposed to eat that."

"She's not." Juice's deep low tone spoke, he was coming over to me. He bent over watching me pet her. "Here, let me grab her."

"She's fine." I argued but felt the goosebumps along my thighs as he fingers brushed against them, scooping up his dog. If I didn't know better I would have thought he meant to tugged on the hem of my shorts. "She's cute."

"Not cute. Badass. Pretty little monster though." Juice corrected me holding the puppy in a cradle hold. "And her names Whisper."

I raised an eyebrow at him in curiosity. "Whisper? That's… different."

Whisper was fighting with him, not wanting to go back to him. "Stop it. You're bothering her." Juice said in a soft voice. "Time to take you home."

I saw the opportunity, the way he looked ready to crack literally he was so tense, and leaned closer to him. "Why don't you drop her off and meet me at Charming Inn?"

Rat was distracted, talking to Tig. No one was paying us any attention at all. Juice's lips curled into a grin, a predatory type. "You gonna make it worth my while?"

"Baby, I'll make it more than worth your time. Meet me at 11. Key at the desk. And Be ready to pet me instead of her." I whispered back shifting to rest of my knees from my cross legged position. "You still have a few things to show me hon."

It worked. He stood straight with a slight nod, dog in one arm, and said loudly he was heading home for the night. Now I just had to get the hell out of here as discretely as possible and get Lyla to drop me off at the motel that I was willing to pay for with some of my supposed hideaway cash. It was going to be worth every penny.

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Juice's POV

The desk clerk knew, I could tell by the way his hairy upper lip curled into a smirk when I told him a friend had left a key for me at the desk with him. It was obvious from how we both looked that I was meeting a prostitute for a fuck in a cheap motel. Me, just from the biker attire, Lindsey from the high boots and tight shirt with a lot of damn make up.

I was anxious to get down to it, walking with a jump to my step that hadn't been there earlier. My wallet chain bounced against my baggy jeans with a clink as I went down the walkway to room 111. Showtime.

I had just started to slide my plastic key card into the slot when the door opened up abruptly, Lindsey staring at me in surprise. "Oh! I didn't know…." She started biting down on her bottom lip.

"Whatsa matter? You chickenin out on me pretty girl?" I raised an eyebrow at her questioningly. To hell she was. I was too hyped up and too undone for her to back out.

"N-noooo. I just… Oh!" She exclaimed when I pushed her back into the room roughly out of nowhere silencing her words.

I didn't feel like talking. I felt like fucking. She'd taken off the hooker boots and was about chest level to my own body when I shoved her against the wall letting the door click shut on its own. I leaned down sucking hard on the nape of her neck, noting the way her skin tasted sweet. Lindsey's head tilted to the side giving me more access, bucking her hips against me with a sigh.

I bit down hard, then licked the flesh to sooth the hurt from the already dark red mark I'd left behind. If she cared, she wasn't saying so. From the way she was reaching down to push her shorts off, she didn't. My mouth pressed against hers with a hard kiss, urgent when I let my tongue entangle with hers while my hands worked my jeans undone enough to free my already rigid cock. I wanted this.

I wanted her so god damn bad. I wasn't even sure if it was necessarily her, or because she'd offered at this point. One thing I was sure of though, was that she wanted me just as damn bad. Lindsey's lips smacked against mine feverishly, we were making out like air wasn't even an option when I grabbed a handful of her ass yanking her up against the wall to brace us.

My other hand went beside us, holding us steady when I pushed her thighs apart without any hesitation slamming into her with a sound I couldn't hide if I'd wanted to. The tightness was overwhelming, she gripped me like a glove. I thrust upwards hurriedly with a sharp inhale when she started to move with me in a rolling motion together.

Her tiny hands were planted on either side of my head on a tan shoulder holding herself up, trusting me completely that she wasn't going to end up on the floor. "Yes, yes… yeah.." She murmured over and over squeezing tight around my cock when she came with a shiver down her spine. The rippling of her walls was enough to make me lose it a few seconds after with a groan.

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Lindsey's POV

Mind blowing was the only way to describe the fast, hard, wall sex we'd just had. It'd been the best sex I'd had and it'd taken only 3 minutes to achieve. Hot damn.

Juice pulled out of me to push me along as he walked towards the bed covered in a hideous flower print spread. His mouth went to my ear taking the lobe between his teeth to tug on it then flick the tip of his tongue against it making me shiver. The back of my knees hit t he mattress tumbling me over. Juice hovered over me pulling his shirt kutte off tossing it to the side instead of folding it up carefully like he'd done before, then leaned back to pull his dark grey shirt over his head.

I leaned back on my elbows watching him intently, glazing over his chest feeling the heat start up in my body again. Juice was stille very bit as gorgeous as I remembered him being. His eyes held mine as he lifted my tank top off, then slid the straps of my bra down before reaching behind me to unhook it. "Hurry up." I urged him with a prod of my knee into his ribs.

Juice gave me a lopsided smirk throwing my plain white bra beside us on the bed. He didn't say anything back, leaning down to take a nipple in his mouth sucking hard. I cupped the back of his head my breathing kicking up a notch. He grasped the other one in one of his large hands, squeezing before releasing the little pink rosebud with a 'pop' then repeated the action to other side.

"You want me to fuck you pretty girl?" Juice asked lowly settling between my legs with a hand trailing down my ribcage.

"I wouldn't have asked you here if I didn't hon." I answered honestly titling my head to the side.

His mouth caught mine; a mixture of tongue and teeth that had me breathless and groping his pecs for something to hold onto. His hand grabbed my hip holding me still just before I felt the burst of pleasure surge through my lower half with a cry. "So tight, I'm so scared I'm going to hurt you."

"You won't." I half spoke, half moaned rolling my pelvis in motion with his. ?"Just.. Ah.. Just…yes… _yes_.." I gripped his wrists tightly when he started to really drive into me like he hadn't before. He'd been holding out on me.

Juice was driving me into the already worn out mattress with a fast, furious pounding that had me moaning things I couldn't even say coherently except for the "Juice" that kept betraying my lips every time he withdrew, then dove back inside of me. Our time at Diosa was nothing compared to what was going down here.

My orgasm had me clutching at his wrists until he paused for a split second to tug them away, placing one hand on his back as a sign to grab there instead. I did. I dug in with all my might as the second wave hit me making my toes curl in a pleasure I hadn't ever felt before. Whatever Juice had done at Diosa was completely different from this random, dirty sex we engaging in complete with him sucking at the skin behind my ear whispering "Cum for me baby."

That sent me over the edge again, this time I squeezed my legs tighter around his waist gripping him with my thighs still rolling my hips in a motion that shattered whatever self control Juice had had. "So god damned good." He muttered into my hair spilling into me with his own orgasm. "You want on top?"

Oh wow… he was ready to go again I realized as he rolled off of me onto his back. I sat up halfway taking deep panting breaths to steady myself. "Oh? You gonna let me work you over this time?" I teased fanning myself with a palm uselessly. My dark hair was soaked underneath at the roots.

"Fuck yes… this isn't a one and done kinda night pretty girl." Juice grinned at me with a flash of bright white teeth. As wound up as he'd been earlier, he was definitely in a different state of mind now laying naked on the bed sweaty and reeking of sex. "C'mon."

He was hard again without me even touching him. I flipped over crawling on top of his lean, tattooed body watching him closely. "Someone's eager."

I slid myself down his length with a little sigh twitching around in a circular motion that had him pressed against every place inside of me. I rested my hands down on his chest to brace myself still watching his facial expressions for any sign that I wasn't doing something right for him. "This okay?"

"Uh huh…" His chocolate chip eyes closed with slow steady breathing, hands coming to rest on my sides.

It felt amazing on top on him. A whole new penetration that had me whimpering after just 5 or so minutes until he squeezed my ribs, stilling me. "Go slow… don't just jump on and go at it hard right off." He instructed taking on the role of teacher again. "Like this." He moved me up, bringing me back down.

I let him guide me into a rythymn that was working for him, following any hiss to "squeeze around me, go faster… like that." Until I felt his right hand slide lower down palming at my ass.

It didn't bother me at first until his fingers pushed themselves into a very off limits area that made my eyes fly back open in surprise. "Juice.." I started.

"Shh… just relax. Enjoy it baby." He slipped his middle finger in further. "I know what I'm doin here. You just keep doin what you're doing."

I didn't last too much longer, the double penetration actually feeling amazing when I came with a strangled "Juice please!" that had him grinning like he'd won the lottery when I froze on top of him unable to do anything else.

"Lets switch it up." Juice said in a soft suggestive voice that I didn't quite trust with him. He rolled me off of him with so much ease it unnerved me slightly hearing Rat's words echoing in my mind "Juice? He's crazy."

"We've already switched it up." I reminded him with a knowing grin but complied when he started pulling me back up to get on my knees.

Juice kissed the back of my neck in a spot that made me tingle, lean into him and sigh. His fingers were rubbing around the slickness that was the result of going at it three times and counting. He circled my clit teasingly just a little brush every so often before dipping down further and then running back up to the next place I had a feeling he wanted access to.

He was shifting around behind me resting over my body with his hovered close when I felt the little slip of pain that was him starting to press into the taboo territory. "Wait! I don't…I'm not okay with that."

Juice stopped but his head was still wedged in the same spot. "You don't trust me not to hurt you baby?"

"Its not that." I said quickly trying to save face. "I just, don't want to.."

"I won't hurt you I swear. Just see if you like it before you say no. C'mon baby… trust me." He was using the same soft, pleading tone. "You say stop and I will. Just try it first."

Hearing him call me baby was playing tricks with my mind. My heart warmed up hearing the little endearment. It was more intimate than being called pretty girl or Lindsey. "I say stop, you stop. Got it?" I tilted my head to look him in his face.

He nodded with his little grin coming back to play. "Got it baby."

It wasn't bad. It wasn't excruciating like I'd thought it'd be. It made me feel like we were doing kinky, and dirty. The dirty part being literal since I was covered in sweat, cum, and any other possible mix of body fluids that had been swapped. My thighs were sticky and Juice was sweating enough after our latest tryst that he hadn't even grabbed me for round 5 yet while he laid back on the pillows taking the opportunity to twirl a lock of my hair around his fingers.

"Never thought a hooker would be the one picking me up for a get off." He spoke with a low chuckle.

I had enough energy to stick my tongue out at him, laying with my head against his chest. The closest he'd really let me get to him all night despite our constant fucking since he walked through the door. "Never thought you'd take me up on it."

Juice tugged on the ends of my hair. "You have a tight pussy, why wouldn't I?"

That stung. Really fuckin stung. It wasn't because of me exactly, just my body. He seemed to sense my discomfort and gave my hair a harder pull. "Lets go get cleaned up pretty girl."

The invitation to slip into the shower with him helped my hurt feelings a teeny bit. I slipped off of the bed without even trying to cover up anything. He'd seen every inch of me now, it seemed point and he seemed to share the thought walking to the tiny motel bathroom to kick the shower on. Angry red claw marks maimed the flesh on his back, down his arms and he had a small hickey on the underside of his chin.

My appearance wasn't much better off from his. My hair was a wild mess frizzy and tangled where Juice had been grabbing handfuls. Hickeys all over my neck and chest. My ass stung. My female parts were almost swollen feeling when I stepped into the hot water with him taking the motel travel size soap with me.

Juice rubbed the small body wash over himself leaning against the yellowed tiles. "I don't bite you know."

I had no idea it was still possible to do in front of him, but I flushed stepping closer into the spray of water. "I'm pretty sure you do actually." I lathered myself up then froze when I got between my legs, a realization dawning on me. I swallowed hard doing my best to hide that anything was up.

"What? You okay? I didn't… hurt something did I?" He asked without even glancing back at me again rinsing the soap off of himself.

"No." I moved to rinse, our bodies almost flush to each others now. I could feel the beginning of yet another hard on for him.

Juice finally glanced down at me, the corners of his mouth were turning up into a little grin. "Turn around."

I gave him my best 'what the hell' look. "You think you're in charge here or something?" I asked him with a straight face with faltered when I squealed as he grabbed ahold of me, moving me in the slippery shower.

"Yeah I do." He spoke into my ear through my wet hair knocking my legs further apart. "You got a problem with it? You seem to like me telling you what to do."

The head of his cock pushed against my opening. I started to lean back in anticipation, wanting when I stopped reaching a hand back to push him away. "Wait… do you.." I licked my lips hoping I didn't sound as stupid as I thought I did. "Do you have a condom?"

Juice paused raising an eyebrow at me with a smirk. "Seriously? You're worried about that after I've fucked you four different ways in the past 3 hours?"

He had a good point. If I was going to catch some horrible std from him, it was too late to worry about it now. "Sorry…" I let my hand drop and he thrust into me from behind. I placed my palms on the tiles for a brace, my knees were starting to feel weak.

He thrust in hard, going as deep inside of me as he could before retreating, then in again. His hands cupped each ass cheek confirming my suspicion he had a thing for that certain body part. Every bit of tension and stress I'd had built up inside of me was long gone. I'd known asking him to meet me had been a great idea. I shut my eyes letting myself pretend for just a moment.

When it wasn't Juice behind me buried to the hilt, or Juice whispering how he liked it into my ear, it was someone I didn't want. Someone I wouldn't choose to be with like this if I didn't have to in order to survive. Right now, it was him though. And I was letting myself imagine exactly what this would be like if I was his.

This would be what sex was like anytime I did it. It would mean more to him than just getting off on a tight piece of pussy. Juice would be sweet, gentle, and slow if I wanted him to be if he were mine. There could be a crow tattoo same as the ones Lyla or Gemma sported, on my hip bone. We wouldn't be a crummy motel fucking in the shower with loud moans and the sound of wet skin slapping against each other.

I kept my charade up even after he'd finished, following him back into the bedroom wrapped in a thin cheap towel. I watched him drying himself off but not really doing a thorough job of it until I pulled the towel from him. I gave him a small smile rubbing his shaven scalp gently, then his back. I crawled onto the bed crouched behind him surprised that he was letting me touch him without it being sexual.

"Will you, I mean, are you staying? With me?" I finally dared to ask what I'd been thinking in the very back of my mind all night. I liked the idea of waking up next to him, a smile for each other after sleeping cuddled up underneath the blankets.

Juice moved away from me. "I don't think I can handle staying the night with you pretty girl."

I let a wicked grin spread across my face, freshly washed free of its heavy make up. Only my eyelashes remained on from the mask I wore day to day. "What's wrong? Can't get it up again sweetheart?" I crossed my legs watching him reach for his clothes.

He chuckled, a deep sound that came from his throat, not forced at all. "Actually, no I don't think I can. 5 times back to back might be my limit. I can't keep up with you, pretty girl."

"We don't have to have sex." I suggested watching him zip up his jeans. "You could-"

"I gotta get home. Check on Whisper." He broke through my words, stopping my plea for him to stay with me. "You gonna miss me or something babe?"

The shine in my eyes from the way he was talking to me had me feeling like I had stars for eyes. "Maybe. Or maybe I can find some other older man to come take advantage of me."

Juice shrugged his kutte on, and I noticed then that he was checking the safety of a gun that was tucked into the inside of it. It made the hair on my arms stand up. "C'mere."

I rose from the bed, towel tucked underneath my arms and went to him barefooted. He cupped my chin tilting my head back looking down at me. His thumb brushed against my bottom lip softly right before he gave me just as gentle of a kiss, the softest gesture he'd made all night. "I'll be seeing you soon pretty girl."

**And now… we move on to club business…**


	12. Chapter 12

**Big thanks for all of the faithful reviews I got, hope to see a few more of you guys pop up this chapter :D just a hint lol. **

**Credits to OctoberMarieDavis for betaing this chapter for me as well. **

**Next chapter… we go further in…**

Chapter 12

_Monster strength… monster mind.. Monster voices…_

Pain. White hot, blinding, burning pain was shooting through my body as it shook and trembled like a leaf.

I could feel the heavy sticky blood pouring out of my body, soaking through my black shirt, onto my kutte. It was dripping down onto my Dickies, my boxers, everything was clinging to my body with the warm stickiness. So much of it. Too much of it.

My body was rolling with tremor after tremor in the hustle and bustle of being carried like a limp rag doll by Quinn and Tig, Chibs rushing ahead of them talking quickly. I couldn't even make it out what they were saying, or even where we were at. My arms were hanging down limply beside me, useless as a wet spaghetti noodle. Blood was dripping from there too.

Light was hitting me in the face now, a bright overhead light. A clanging sound registered to my ears. "Wh….where…" I started to stammer out but couldn't form the words through the pain.

"Shh its okay baby. We're gonna get you fixed up." Gemma's cool hand went to my forehead.

I blinked slowly, then repeated the action. I was lying on Gemma's dining room table with Chibs ripping my clothes off, someone had pulled the kutte off of my body. "This is gonna hurt like hell Juicy boy."

"Its 'kay." I swallowed through the next stab of pain grimacing.

"Gem, I need some tweezers. Alcohol. Betadine if you got it, some clean towels." Chibs was speaking softly to her, his hands still ripping at my Dickies. "Jesus, was it a woman or a mountain lion that got a hold of ya?"

If I could have smiled, I would have. I had long scratches going down my arms, some on my chest, and hickeys all over my stomach where Chibs was trying to get to. Tig snorted loudly holding down pressure on my arm shot. "Crazy bastards losing his goddamn mind and he's still getting pussy."

I cocked my head to t he side, watching Gemma move around the head of the table, Jax was standing a few feet down, watching in silence. He had a hand over his mouth, hiding whatever he was thinking. He was staring me down when I met his eyes, not looking away from his hold until Gemma stepped between our line of vision.

"You've got a lot of nerve Jackson." Gemma snapped at her son with an anger bubbling to the surface of her voice.

Jax shifted his head, rolling his neck. "Its not your place to tell me a damn thing."

Gemma held a hand up, stopping him from going further. "How much more blood does he have to spill? More of his own? Someone else's? she was speaking quietly but I could hear her.

The pain hit me then, loud and clear. "Motherfucker." I hissed through clenched teeth unable to do anything else.

Chibs pressed at my stomach again, gentler this time. "Its still in there."

"This one's just a scrape. No bullet hole." Wendy spoke up to my left surprising me. I hadn't even realized she was in the room.

"Can you get it?" Tig asked giving me a pat on the head as his act of comfort.

I closed my eyes, shaking again too much to care what they did with me at this point. With any luck, I'd bleed out. I was starting to feel a little sleepy…..

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"Juice?"

" 'Ey idiot, wake up!"

The voices. They were surrounding me. "Leave me alone. I can't deal with you right now." I muttered, not opening my eyes.

My body hurt so bad. I was so sore everywhere, and I felt a tightness just underneath my ribcage, and another on my bicep. Those hurt the worst.

"You need to open your eyes up, I have to make sure you're okay sweetheart."

I didn't want to open my eyes. Or move anything. "No. I'm sick of hearing you all the time. Just go away. I'm tired. So tired."

"Juice? Its me, I brought you something. But you gotta wake up." This voice threw me off. It was sweet, girly, vaguely familiar."

"Why are _you_ inside of my head?" I sighed the darkness spinning around beneath my eyelids. "Go away Lyla. You're not who I want."

There was a sharp snicker and a couple of chuckles. "Idiot. She brought you some nice-"

"Nice. You were right. She was someone nice, wasn't she?" I said lazily starting to flicker my eyelids around in a tease of being able to actually lift them open. "I just want.. Someone nice. Not you."

A sharp slap hit the right side of my face making my eyes flap wide open. _"Gemma!" _I heard Chibs laughing.

"What? Someone had to do it." She reasoned within eyeshot when I could finally focus instead of seeing color swirls floating around. "How you feeling baby?"

"Like I got shot. Twice."

Gem gave me a maternal smile patting the cheek she'd just slapped. "How bad is it?"

I started to sit up, I was laying on a bed in one of Gemma's guest rooms, all stiff and back to being in pain. It was just barely bearable so that I didn't want to beg for another bullet to be put in my head. Not so good I could grin and say "Sure, I feel great. When's the next run guys?"

"I'll live." I assured her letting Chibs stop me from sitting up completely when I started to feel the hurt in my side.

"Easy. Those stitches aren't the best. don't trust them not to bust open if you're not careful." He warned me. "Arms not s'bad. Just nicked you. Left a nasty spot."

There was a fumbling sound, Bobby appearing in the doorway with Rat close at his heels. "Found something. Three leftover Oxy from-"

"NO!" Gemma and Lyla shouted at the same time.

I scowled at them both, like I was an addict that had to be watched round the clock for his next overdose. To Bobby, I nodded at him. "Bring it here."

"I brought you something else." Lyla cut in with a look, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. "I left work to go get it, I brought some leftover antibiotics from Kenny's last cold too."

"Times like t his makes me miss Tara even more." Bobby said with a sigh that the others nodded in agreement with.

I met Gemma's eyes, an understanding that only we would ever comprehend passed through. Some secrets would always come back to bite you in the ass.

"Alright, let's clear out. Let him get some rest. He ain't goin anywhere anytime soon like that." Tig stood waving at the others, nodding down at me. "Jax said he'd be by later."

Perfect. Just what I needed, another talk with Jax, alone. Where in the hell was that third bullet at?

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It felt like I'd been in the deepest, hardest sleep of me entire life when I cracked my eyes open. It was daylight outside, the rays were peeping in through the bright white blinds in the room I was in. I had no idea what time it was, or how long I'd been out. I had to piss, I knew that for a fact.

Slowly, I started to move from my propped up position in the bed, noting that someone had stuffed towels underneath my body. "Holy shit." I rasped out the second I started to pull myself from the mattress.

Blood rushed to my head, making me even dizzier than I felt when my feet had touched the floor. I sank back down quickly knocking over some sort of potpourri pot on the nightstand that fell over and cracked into a million pieces. Gemma was going to be pissed. I raised my good arm to my temples, holding the one side that I could willing the room to stop spinning around me. I was going to piss myself if I get up soon.

"Where in the hell do you think you're going?" Chibs' asked me coming into the room with a scowl that I opened my eyes in time to see.

"I'm high."

He smirked down at me, reaching a hand down to help lift me from the bed. I staggered leaning onto him more than I wanted to. "I see that."

My legs were weighed down reminding me of the last time I'd been high like this. At least I wasn't puking all over Gemma now. I took a slow step, shaking a little bit. "I can't."

"Tigger!" Chibs bellowed out pausing in our journey to the bathroom wherever that was at. "C'mere!"

Tig's unruly black hair popped through the doorway that seemed miles away from the bed. "You awake princess?" he smirked coming to take my other arm that wasn't around Chibs neck.

He didn't baby me in the way he grabbed a hold of the injured arm, throwing over his shoulders. I clenched my teeth , focusing on the bigger picture here. Bathroom. "Gem said she's getting you some liquids together."

"I like Jack." I said automatically. "Bring the whole bottle."

"Don't think that's what she has in mind Juicy boy." Chibs smirked as the bathroom finally came into sight with them mostly dragging me there.

They waited until they hauled me back into the bedroom to start in on me. Gemma was in there pulling the bloody towels from the bed with a frown at me. Wendy and Lyla milling around, trying to look like they weren't staring at me, when they really were. I was very aware of wearing nothing but someone's shorts since they sure as hell weren't mine. And they weren't leaving much to the imagination.

I lowered myself into the bed as Gemma motioned she was finished cleaning up after me. "I broke your pot. I'll get some more. I have a shop." I assured her letting her pull the blankets over my battle scarred body.

She raised an eyebrow at me, feeling my forehead like she'd done earlier when they brought me in. "I think you're high enough baby."

"Not too much. Maybe… one more?" I suggested eyeing the foil pack of Oxy beside me on the stand. I was still hurting even if my mind was a little fuzzy. I glanced at Lyla, staring back at her. "You're not supposed to be here. I want _her_."

Lyla crossed her arms over herself, giving me a shitty look. "Who the hell do you think brought you the pain meds asshole?"

"Not the one he wanted." Tig chimed in settling in on the bed beside me with a wicked look on his face. "He wants _her_."

"Aye. His mountain lion. Or rather, the lioness of a woman that clawed the lads back up." Chibs grinned from his lean in the doorway.

"not a woman. _Girl_. A pretty one." I corrected him my head swirling around again. I laid it back onto the pillow to steady myself.

Tig laughed beside me elbowing me right in the rib cage that had the shitty stitches in it. "You dippin into some illegal pussy?"

I shrugged a little bit, staring awkwardly at Wendy now. She glared back. "I donno. Maybe. But she's pretty." my voice was thick with the haze of narcotics. "she wants me. Meets me places. I don't even have to pay her."

They were all laughing around me now. Saying something, but it was distant. It was time to go back to sleep….

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This time when I woke up it was pitch black outside with only the glow from underneath the door coming in to light up the room. I knew instinctively that I wasn't alone. I felt the presence of another person with me without even scanning my surroundings. "What time is it?"

"Late." Jax's tired voice replied from the chair that had been drug into the room the night before. "How you feeling?"

"Like a million pesos." I quipped biting on through the pain. With any luck, I'd be going to a place where pain didn't exist soon. "You here to finish the job brother?"

He moved into my sight running a ringed hand over his dark blonde hair. He had on the same clothes from the other night, only my blood was on them in splotches. "What makes you think that?"

I smiled to myself, rolling around so that I was facing him. "I fucked up. Like I always do."

"You didn't know they had a lookout in that warehouse." Jax shrugged but his eyes were hard as an artic glacier. "You didn't know you were going to live when you shoved me down and jumped in the way either."

I glanced back down at the comforter that was wrapped around my mangled body. "You're right, I didn't know that. But I did."

"Yeah you did. So, what do I do with you now?" Jax said walking in a slow circle around the room. "Do I try to even figure out if that shit was another death wish? Saving a brother? Or just instinct?"

I knew which of the three it'd been. I touched the gauze and tape bandage that covered my arm. It was swollen. "You tell me what you need me to do." My voice was hollow, the voice of a man who knew Mayhem approaching soon.

Jax was silent a while. We stayed in the dark, quiet room until he finally spoke again. "You keep doing what I need you to do. And assure me that the little stunt was just you protecting me when those Mayans came out with that hellfire."

Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I nodded solemnly at him. "If someone had to go down, it needed to be me brother. You have kids and….." _And I have no one. No kids. No mother. I was an accomplice to killing your wife. I deserved to be shot saving you_ I finished off in my mind. Those were words I would never be able to utter in front of him. I had to save Gemma. Make this right.

"Heal up while you can." Jax moved towards the door. "Next time… we'll be ready for them."

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Healing up is exactly what I did with long naps and Gemma coming in and out of my room like I was an invalid. Poor Whisper was over at Tig's place with that beast of his until I could get myself up and down to take care of her again. I was moving decently, not quite up to riding for another day or two or anything that required a lot of walking. But I felt good enough I was ready to go to my own house.

Gemma wasn't having it. She was fixing me with one of her glares, hands on her hips and a snarl on her lips. "No way are you laying there in your own dried up blood another day."

"I'm fine. Bring me some wipes." I grumbled at her sulking like Abel had earlier when Gemma had told him 'Bath time'.

"You smell like rotting flesh and man stink. Get your ass out of that bed. Now." She snapped with her eyes flashing as she reached over grabbing at the comforter that was draped over me.

I was standing my ground on this one. "if I get out of this bed, I give myself my own sponge bath. Not you."

She gave the spread a hard jerk ripping it from my body with a vengence. "You can't even make it to the damn shower. How the hell you planning on taking care of yourself?"

"She's got a point Juice." Wendy observed bringing in my nightly dose of pills for the infection that had started on my side.

"Whose side are you on?" I snapped at Wendy getting the finger in return. "Its bad enough I'm…. mostly naked."

Gemma and Wendy exchanged little grins, too comical for my taste. "Is that what this is? You worried about me seeing little Juan?" She raised an eyebrow at me. "I hate to tell you this but I've already saw everything you have to offer a woman and I haven't jumped you yet."

God… this was like… like.. Having a mother. Was this what helping Gemma got me? Her seeing me naked on the regular every time I was incapacitated? I didn't want anyone seeing my shit, with the exception of the one person I was dying to have touch me. Feel those little fingers touching my wounds with her forehead wrinkled up in worry all over again like it'd been when we first met.

"Is Lyla comin back?" I asked suddenly an idea popping into my mind.

Wendy laughed a little bit popping open my pill pack for me. "Why? You want her to do it instead? Something you want to own up to?"

I scowled at her, Lyla was a gorgeous woman. But she had one thing going for her that I didn't like other than the obvious that she'd been married to Ope: She was a blonde. I hated the thought of screwing a blonde anymore. Blonde hair was a trigger for me ever since…. "I want her to call someone for me."

"Ohh… this is about her. That girl." She held a hand out to me, an offer to help me stand that I ignored. I'd be damned if a female had to haul me to my feet to go get sponge bathed by Gemma.

"What girl?" Gemma's eyes narrowed walking ahead of me into the small bathroom. "Sit down on the edge. I'll wipe you down. You're a lefty aren't you?"

I waited until we were alone, just her going about the careful work of cleaning the blood off of me, suddenly grateful that I wasn't twisting to do this myself. I touched her wrist when she raised her wet cloth to my shoulder. "Thanks."

Gemma gave me a small smile, wiping at my skin carefully. "Hey, you treat me alright, I'll treat you alright." The understanding was obvious. I was helping her, she was going to help me.

"I couldn't let Jax.. Not after.." I trailed off talking just above a whisper watching the water turning red with the dried blood she was scrubbing away.

"I know baby. I know." She touched the side of my face, resting her hand on my cheek with a nod. "You're a good man."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about that."

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Lindsey's POV

If I could snag at least 10 clients a week, I might be able to move in somewhere. It would take a month or two of saving up. It was what I was focusing on when I saw Fiasco and Gomes coming in laughing with Nero. Nero motioned at Lyla who was reapplying her blood red lipstick. "Hey Ly? Find these two a couple girls."

Maybe I wasn't ready after all. I studied the two gang bangers in their semi matching attire. Plaid shirts, baggy pants, sneakers, beanie hats. And the unforgetful platinum teeth. They probably did have to come here for a hook up I decided in my mind watching Gomes motion over at Janine on the couch on the far side of the lounge.

"Lindsey? Hey.. You there?" Lyla was touching my arm with a little frown that wrinkled her forehead.

"What? Oh.. Yeah.. Of course. What's up?" I asked putting a smile on my face snapping out of my space off.

Lyla gestured towards Fiasco who was staring at me too. "Room 6 work for you?"

Me? He wanted me?! My eyes grew wide suddenly. I couldn't do that. I couldn't sleep with him. He was… not Juice. The motel hook up was still vivid in my imagination, it'd only been a couple of days since. "I uhh.. Ummm…" I licked my lips nervously feeling Nero's eyes on me now as well. "Sure..right this way baby."

My little black dress felt too little walking down the hallway in front of Fiasco. I wished now that I hadn't put on 4 inch tall stripper heels. I wished I didn't have a push up bra on. I paused in front of the door giving him a small smile. "Right in here sugar."

Fiasco nodded. He didn't talk much. Never had. I led him into the darkened room already dreading this. My stomach felt like I had swallowed a pound of lead. I moved around the room going to grab him a robe from the bathroom. "Massage?"

"Nah. Not today." His inky black eyes were hugging my body. "Just you."

"I'm flattered." I tried to tease to hide my hesitance. "An entire room full of women and choose the inexperienced kid."

Fiasco just shrugged with a little bit of a grin. His hands went up to his snug fitting beanie hat. "I don't bite ya know."

His accent wasn't too heavy. It was almost kinda cute, calming even. I stepped down from my heels slowly. Holy shit, there was hair underneath that hat. Very closely cropped hair that almost counted as shaved, but still.. I'd always thought he was bald. Like Mr. Clean bald. I helped him unbutton his plaid shirt with light fingers, not a bad body. He was built stocky, thick, and muscled. His tats were everywhere, most of them in Spanish that I didn't understand.

My hands didn't start to tremble until I felt him pushing the straps of my dress down with warm hands. "Hey.. Relax. I ain't gonna hurt you chica. Swear it."

And Fiasco held up that promise the entire time.

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"That Son, one with the mustache, he your Old Man?" Fiasco asked as we redressed in a peaceful sort of silence.

I paused in shimmying into my dress. "Ratboy? No.. we're friends." It sounded cliché right after the words left my mouth. "I mean_.. really _just friends."

Fiasco nodded letting his eyes creep back over me again sliding his Glock back into the waist of his jeans. Was I ever going to get a customer that didn't feel the need to carry? _Geez. _I went to the mirror to fix my hair back into place where it was flattened down in the back. That hadn't been bad at all. It was even enjoyable if I let myself call it that.

It wasn't rough. It wasn't hot as hell like it'd been with Juice. It wasn't a series of motions while I cringed like it'd been with my ex either. Sex with Fiasco was just that.. Sex. _Good sex_. I slid my feet into the shiny black stripper shoes watching him toe on his sneakers again. His back was turned to me when he spoke again. "You wanna book me in again for Thursday?"

I couldn't help it. I smiled a little bit. I had a regular. I was officially a hooker.

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With a proud little grin on my face, I walked Fiasco out to the lounge where he gave me a somewhat smile before heading off to Nero's office. Lyla was perched on one of the bar stools, legs crossed at the ankles daintily sipping on what looked like a regular old Coke. "Do I get details again?" She asked with a grin.

"Nope. Not this time." I threw back getting my own bottle of water out of the cooler. No way was I about to describe what had just happened to anyone, not even Lyla. It'd been.. Something.

Lyla was watching me closely, biting down on her bottom lip with two brightly white teeth. "You seen Juice lately?"

I paused in my sip, gazing down at her. I swallowed, taking my time answering her. "Nope. Or Rat. Its like they've…disappeared or something."

She cut her eyes towards the office where I could see Gomes foot through the crack of the door that was just barely opened. She reached into the front of her dress pulling a little slip of paper out. "Here. I didn't give you this, and you don't have it. Do not, I repeat, do not let Nero know about this." She slid the scrap across the counter towards me, retreating her red nailed hand just as quickly.

I covered it with my palm, sliding it down discretely. "Why are we whispering?" I whispered back wondering what I was missing out on.

Her eyes went back to the office door again. "Shits goin down around here. Juice is… sick. He won't be able to come back here. He wanted you to be able to get in touch with him. You should give him a call, I'm sure he's feeling pretty shitty still."

"I can't. I don't have a phone." I whispered back but was slipping the paper into my bra regardless. My heart was starting to race, Juice had wanted to contact me. He wanted to see me. "How did you…?"

"I was there when.. Well never mind. I saw him a night ago and he was asking for the pretty girl. I kinda assumed he meant you judging from the way the two of you were covered in hickeys at the same time." Lyla said softly with a sly turn of her mouth.

I blushed, my hand over my breast where the paper was resting at. "Its something with Nero isn't it?" I asked suddenly remembering Fiasco asking me about Rat. "Fiasco… he asked about Rat."

Lyla's eyes widened. "Don't tell him anything about either of them. Its just a matter of time before Nero says something to both of us."

I was lost. What were we doing wrong exactly? Was I a part of something without knowing it? Lyla stood up from her stool holding her cell out towards me. "Go call him while you're on break. Go outside."

"Thanks." my fingers curled around the phone walking hurriedly outside to the familiar spot by the dumpster. I'd have privacy there.

My hands were shaky as I pulled the paper out with his number scrawled on top of it in Lyla's neat print. Something was up around here, I just didn't know what. Lyla said Juice was sick but hadn't acted like he was, or mentioned he'd been asking for me until a few minutes ago. I hit the call button before I could chicken out, letting the phone ring on and on.

This had to mean something if he wanted to talk to me of all people. We didn't even know each other that well. Granted, I wouldn't mind knowing him outside of the bedroom but I hadn't been too sure that he'd shared the feeling after his comments at the motel. I was about to hang up when the line clicked. "Juice?" I said without waiting for him to say hello first.

There was a pause. "No, Juice is… in the shower." A female answered, I could hear kids in the background. "If you -" I hung up.

Juice had a woman with kids at his house. I really was a whore.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you all for the reviews last chapter! I tried to hurry and get this chapter done for you, I got a little bit behind after surgery, then the flu last week. **

**Things are starting to fall into place now in the story, all of them subtle hints at what's to come… .. Next chapter, we see Juice's POV again. **

Chapter 13

_Monster in disguise…_

I reached down rubbing Mr. Lin's shoulders through the thick, expensive dress shirt he had on. I was doing my best to pretend like I wasn't listening to the conversation at the ornate wood table he was seated at with about 10 other men getting the same treatment.

I put on my best, dazed, spaced out look and focused on the huge blue China serving dish that held a heap of fried rice inside of it. I was so hungry…. I hadn't eaten in a day or two. I'd missed breakfast at the soup kitchen twice, barely catching Emelie in time after she'd eaten. My money had went to nails, eyelashes, a few new clothing items, and then I'd splurged on a couple of meals I was regretting along with a throw away camera I was feeling really guilty about buying to curb my want for a nicer one.

"Byz Lats can be a good service to us. Alvarez assured us that they'd divide the streets up again, as long as we're all working towards the common enemy." Mr. Lin was saying tilting his neck for me to rub it with soft motions.

Somewhere in the corner, Janet was giving one of the Chinamen head, there were only a few of us here. We'd been handpicked and packed away into Charlotte's SUV to come 'entertain' these men. They'd requested young, pretty, willing girls and they got 'em.

"We have confirmation it was the Sons in the warehouse that night. Fiasco told me that one of the Sons has been laid up for a couple of days now with a couple of shots. He found out through Nero, things are getting sticky for our new friends." Another man said pulling Erin around to sit in his lap.

"He's sworn to me that he will not take their side on this. They wronged him too. No consideration for anyone but themselves. Too bad Alvarez's guy missed and the Son lived." Lin smirked moving a hand to tap on the glass in front of him.

I moved around him, reaching for the bottle that was resting on a bed of ice to refill it for him. I felt his hands squeeze at my ass appreciatively, then palmed at it. The second I'd walked through the door in my short leather skirt, heels, and semi classy top, he'd snapped his fingers in my direction. Mr. Lin wanted the youngest one for himself.

The man sitting across from us lit a cigar, blowing smoke rings across the table. "We can wipe them out. Unless they give us reason to keep them around."

My mind was turning this conversation around over and over again. A son that had been shot, and Juice was supposedly 'sick' from what Lyla had told me the night before. I hadn't spoken to her again once I went back inside and slipped her phone back to her. I was too pissed. She'd lied to me about Juice's being single. I might've been a hooker but I wasn't a home wrecker and that motel hook up wasn't a client type relationship. It'd been pure lust that should have been directed at whoever Juice had answering his phone at home.

That didn't mean I wanted him to get shot and die though.

I slid the glass to Mr. Lin with a little smile dipping back behind him again. With any luck this would be all he wanted out of me. I wasn't too much into Asians, especially not these guys. There was a certain air of tension in the room that had me trembling on the inside underneath my brave front, and saccharine smiles for them.

It wasn't until minutes later that I realized the business talk was over, when Fiasco and one of the crew slipped into the room from the elaborate double doors, leaning against the wall. I glanced over at Janet who was hitting her knees in front of the older Chinese men, a camera held in his hand as the music was suddenly cranked up.

_Oh hell no _was my first thought when I saw the camera whip out. Mr. Lin had went to get his own drink, laughing with a couple of the others while the party started. No one had mentioned cameras to me. I wasn't into that. I bit down on the inside of my cheek, holding my mouth as steady as I could as I fought away the demons of my past that seemed so determined to break their way into my new life. This wasn't happening.

"Come here sweetheart. Join in." A younger one approached me with a shit eating grin on his face, a drink in one hand. "Don't just stand and watch. That's why we're taping it." He gave me a wink that made my stomach turn.

"I…" I swallowed hard looking around searching for an excuse to get me out of this room.

"C'mon." He was reaching my arm just as another hand clamped down on my elbow.

A very heavily tattooed hand with a tan. "Nah. Not this one mano. She's still learning the ropes." Fiasco's deep voice boomed up pulling me closer to him. "She only came to keep Mr. Lin company for a while. She's with us now."

I'd never felt so much gratitude towards him as I did now. The Asian scoffed at him but backed away scowling. "Thanks." I said softly following him to his perch with Jorge on the far side of the room where they could observe the girls at work.

"Didn't look like you were ready for that." He shrugged, dark eyes already scoping the others out again. "Don't worry about it guapa"

I studied him as I sat down, really looking at Fiasco in a different light. So far he'd shown me kindness he had no reason to several times, he'd been my only regular client, which if I admitted it, wasn't so bad. He didn't speak a whole lot to me, but every now his eyes would fall on me then cut away just as fast.

If I had a camera, I decided, he'd make an interesting subject. Especially if I could catch him with his hat off.

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I was still wary of Lyla when she came into Diosa on her off day with too toothy of a grin for me, a bounce in her step. I pulled on the ends of my brown hair, watching her closely. Something was up.

"Hey! Glad I caught you before you left for the day." She greeted me, keys jangling between her fingers.

Now I was really intrigued. "What do you want?" I asked her in a flat tone, suspicious and still angry at her.

She looked taken back, frowning at me. "Well I wanted to ask you a favor, but now I'm wondering what I did to deserve that tone." Her own voice sounded hurt.

"You lied to me." I told her getting straight to the point. I didn't have much experience with having girl friends, but I figured honestly and being straight would be appreciated.

"Lied? About what?" Lyla looked confused, placing her hands on her bony hips where her jeans were threatening to fall down.

I pushed my hair over my shoulder, zipping up my backpack loudly. "You said Juice was single. And that he was sick." I hoisted the bag onto my shoulders. "He's got a woman with kids and got shot."

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed an 'O' before she looked around us grabbing my arm. "Shh… don't talk about that! C'mon. Lets go outside." She jerked my arm hard trying to get me to follow her out.

"I don't want to talk to you." I hissed pulling my arm from her grip. "I thought we were friends."

"We are friends. Just.. Let me explain. C'mon."

Sighing loudly, I followed her into the parking lot to stand beside her white Prius. "Explain."

"Juice _is _single. He doesn't have a girl, and he sure as hell doesn't have any kids. He _is_ a fuckin kid. Jesus, he's the only grown man I know that still plays video games and eats cocoa puffs for dinner." Lyla explained hurriedly crossing her arms over herself. "I couldn't tell you he got shot, its… complicated. I don't know how you know but I wouldn't mention it to anyone."

"Then who was the lady that answered when I called him?" I asked her curious now about Juice's home life.

Lyla chewed her upper lip, thinking for a moment. "I'm betting it was Wendy. He would have still been at Gemma's house when you called. The kids aren't his. They're Jax and Wendy's. Gemma's grandkids. They stay with her a lot."

"Whose Wendy? I thought Jax was married to Tara?" I was confused as hell suddenly remembering the dark haired woman I'd saw at FunTown.

"Tara's… she passed away not too long ago. I thought you knew." She said looking a little sad. "Wendy was his first wife. But look, the important thing is, Juice has absolutely nothing going on with Wendy. Or anyone for that matter. He's not.. He's.. " She searched for the right word. "Juice is a little different lately. I'm surprised he even talks to you honestly."

Now I was offended. "Excuse me?"

Lyla smiled a little bit at me, eyes bright again. "I didn't mean it like that. I meant him. He's not himself anymore, he was so different before everything. But really, I think you're good for him. At least he's getting laid now."

I blushed, eyes hitting the pavement. "Maybe it'll turn into more than a lay."

"I don't know." She looked like she wanted to say something else. "I just.. Don't push him on it."

Suddenly, I was wanting away from the subject of Juice. "What'd you need?"

Now, Lyla was the one blushing. "I was wondering if you'd baby sit for me. Ellie's fine home alone but I don't want to leave her with the boys, but I can't call Mary either. Not for this."

"Got a date?" I asked her curiously, I hadn't known Lyla to date since I'd met her.

"Not exactly, no. If you're free I could give you a ride over, you can hang for the rest of the day until I leave? I'll pay you?"

Rolling my eyes I opened the passenger door to the Prius, tossing my backpack in the backseat. "Just feed me."

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I twirled a lock of my hair as I leaned against the marble topped kitchen counter watching the three kids finish off their pizza. Babysitting for Lyla's bunch was a pretty easy gig. She'd ordered the pizza, prepaid for it, made sure everyone had a shower early, and rented them movies. I hadn't had to do anything except make sure the house was still standing.

Observing them a moment longer I battled inside my head on whether or not to make the phone call that had been on my mind all day. I still didn't have a cell phone so this was my only real chance to make the call. Did I dare do it? Did I want to? _Hell yes _I wanted to… but what would I say? This wasn't some idiot from high school I was calling to flirt mindlessly with… this was HIM…

I chewed on the ends of my dyed brown hair before grabbing the cordless phone from the stand and reaching into my front pocket where the worn piece of scrap paper was at. I'd folded and unfolded it so many times that the writing was barely visible. I glanced over at the kids again before dialing the number before I could chicken out.

It rang three times and I was about to hang up when I heard the deep yet somehow still low voice answer "Hello?"

I felt my heart jump in my chest. "Umm… H-I… I mean hey… hello." I reached up and clamped my hand over my mouth after my fumble.

"Hello…."Juice said slowly like he wasn't sure if I was a prank phone call. "Who is this?"

"Me… I mean… Lindsey.. Lindsey from Diosa… you um… gave me your number.." I closed my eyes, this was so not going as planned. In my mind, I'd thought I'd call him and throw out some good lines like I did when we saw each other face to face and eye fucked.

He let out a soft laugh that relaxed me. "Yeah I did Lindsey from Diosa… I thought you would have called by now though. Thought I'd made an impression after our last little date ."

Our little date… Ugh.. It was excruciating to actually talk about us having sex even though it had been amazing. "I umm… didn't… I'm at Lyla's. This is her house line." I said explaining but not saying exactly that I didn't have a phone.

"Lyla's huh?" I could hear music in the background playing and a clinking sound like he was knocking bottles against each other. "Why don't you leave Lyla's and come to where I'm at?"

The invitation was there. And I hadn't even had to work up to it. "I can't.. I'm babysitting." I sighed. "Lyla said she had a date or something. I'm not sure really. I know she's meeting someone though, she left in her hooker heels and a dress that would fit Barbie."

Juice laughed again, the sound was genuine. "How late are you babysitting then?"

"I think all night" I said glancing over at the kids again, Ellie was eyeing me with a look that said she knew I was talking to a guy. Man actually if I wanted to be technical about it. "How far from here are you?"

"Samcro clubhouse. You know where that is Linds?"

I knew where it was. "Yeah but just one problem… I don't have a car."

He fell silent then said "How long are you there for?"

"Until 3 I think…. Lyla said she'd be back by 4 at the absolute latest. I'm supposed to sleep on the couch if I need to crash."

"Mmmmhmmmm…." I could practically hear the wheels turning in his tattooed head. "Do you want to see me?" his voice was low and husky.

I felt my face grow warm, remembering the last time I'd saw him. "A little… even if you didn't back up all the game you talked."

"Oh I didn't? I remember you being pretty damn happy with what you got." I heard something that sounded like a door slam shut. "Usually if a wom-_girl_" he corrected himself to my dismay. "Girl took so long to call me I'd be a little put off about it. But I might be willing to make an exception for you, pretty girl."

"Oh gee, really? Would you pretty please do me the pleasure of your company?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'll be over at Lyla's around 11. Put the monsters to bed early." He was talking low again like someone else was in the room with him and he was trying not to be overheard. "I'll see you then." The line cut off abruptly without a goodbye.

I hung up slipping the phone back into the cradle. My heart was still pounding away inside my chest without any sign of slowing down. Had I lost my damn mind? Was I seriously about to have Juice inside of Lyla's place? Was I getting that desperate? I bit down on my thumb nail, yeah I was getting that desperate. Juice had done something to my mind that day we'd slept together. Now I was starting to think I might actually stand a chance.

At exactly 9 I sent the boys to their room with their DVD, and attempted to send Ellie to hers. She was proving to be my difficult charge insisting on us painting each others toes and letting her play with my hair. I had to draw the line at my make up. I looked halfway decent and I didn't want Juice to come over and see me looking like someone's mannequin from beauty school with blue eye shadow smeared everywhere.

"So… who's comin over?" Ellie asked as smooth as butter while she curled a piece of my hair around her curling iron.

"Who said anyone was comin over?" I challenged her, not having any intention of admitting to having anyone over. I was pretty sure Lyla would kill me.

Ellie snorted untwirling my hair from the barrel. "I have ears you know. You were talkin to someone about comin over. They knew my step mom too. So who is it?"

"Alright.. Bedtime." I told her standing up from my spot on the soft carpet in front of the couch. "Its time to watch some movies and give the babysitter a break to drink some of the wine coolers in the fridge. Alone."

Ellie smirked at me, gathering her arsenal of beauty supplies up. "You mean give the babysitter a break to neck on the couch."

"Ellie!" I shook my head trying and failing not to laugh at her as she cracked up, taking off down the hallway. She was way more easy going than I'd been at 14.

10 came, then 10:30, and by 10:45 I was getting antsy. Would he ring the doorbell? Knock? I didn't have to wonder for much longer because Juice was punctual. I heard a soft knock on the side door in the kitchen and took off to open it before the kids could hear.

Juice was standing there with his hands shoved into the pockets of his kutte, a hoodie thrown on over it with the hood hanging down low over his eyebrows. His jeans were tight yet saggy at the same time. "I'm early."

"I see that.. couldn't wait to see me huh?" I stepped back to let him in, noticing how those dark vacant eyes swept over me stopping briefly on my chest before snapping back to my face.

"Something like that." He smirked taking the beer I held out to him. "The gremlins passed out?"

"I think so. I checked a while ago on the boys. I don't dare peek at Ellie. She's suspicious." I rolled my eyes trying to keep my calm act in front of him. Inside I was shaking like a leaf at being this close to him again. "I can't believe you didn't have plans for a Saturday night."

He shrugged, pulling on the beer before sitting it down on the counter. "Nothing too major… party at the clubhouse."

I felt a little twinge of jealousy. He'd been out living it up. I was his pit stop for a piece of ass. "Oh really? Guess my invite got lost then."

"Don't think its your kinda thing… bunch of dirty old bikers… crow eaters."

"What in the hell is a crow eater?" I wrinkled my nose a little at the term. It didn't sound very flattering of whoever it was talking about.

Juice just gave me a small smile and shrugged, leaning so that the middle of his back was against the counter now, his legs spread out wide and his body leaned slightly. "I thought you wanted to see me… you called me remember?"

I gave him a look tossing my hair over my shoulder. "I could have just been calling to say hi.." I took a step towards him, swinging my hips out suggestively. I could play this role…..

"Hi… hello… and hey." He kicked his feet a bit further apart, a beckon for me to step between them. "I don't bite….."

"That's too bad." I breathed into his ear sliding up to him with a smoothness that surprised myself. "So you ditched a party to come say hi to me hmm?"

"Somethin like that." He said softly back into my ear through my hair. "You gonna do anything to keep my attention here or should I go back to the said party?"

I closed my eyes leaning in closer to him. He smelled like some sort of liquor and cigarettes. I kissed his neck, almost afraid to touch him, I wasn't even sure where he was hurt at. It was still like a dream that I was doing this with him after forever of dreaming what it'd be like to kiss this smooth caramel skin that my lips were dancing across. I nibbled at his earlobe, pressing myself up against him in a way I knew he could feel the flat of my stomach against his own hard abs.

"Keep going.." Juice said huskily his hands going to rest on my hips where just above where the worn jeans I wore were resting. "I like that."

I sucked on the skin under his chin, but not quite his neck making him hiss slightly, his fingers tightening on my flesh. "You want me to do all the work?" I teased kissing his chin then brushing my lips on his too briefly to even call it a kiss.

Juice's hands cupped the back of my head suddenly, holding my head in a tight grip as he pushed his lips against mine kissing me roughly. It was knee weakening, the force behind his mouth. "Give some to get some." he smirked before shoving his mouth back down on mine again.

My body was leaning more and more onto his for support as we kissed like two lovesick hungry for touching teenagers. I'd never made out with someone this… intimately before in my life. I shoved my fingers through his belt loops, pulling him closer against my own lower body. He was getting hard, I could definitely feel it through his jeans. As for me…. I'd jump him if we kept this up.

His mouth found its way down my jawbone, leaving a little trail to my collarbone where he sucked hard making me writhe and whimper loudly. "So…good." I sighed tilting my head to the back, my hair falling over my shoulder blades in a cascade.

Juice's tongue moved in a little swirl on my skin while his hands were exploring. Right now he was cupping my ass in his palms, rubbing then squeezing. "You gonna let me bend you over the counter? Let me see this again?" he whispered so quietly I could barely hear him.

"Yessss…" I breathed pushing against him again dying for something more than this. I'd never been big into 'dirty' talk before but if Juice liked it, I liked it.

"Good… you'll do whatever I want, won't you? You want it bad?" He bit down on my earlobe hard; the pain feeling so good that I jerked on his belt loops. "I know you will.. I saw you eyeing me…"

Now I was embarrassed. "I wasn't eyeing you.." I lied through my teeth letting him lift me up onto the edge of the counter instead of him leaning against it. Now my legs were wrapped around him, locking him on me in a tight grip

"I was eyeing you. Actually mostly just these." He leaned down kissing each of my boobs pushing my tank top down a little to pull one over the top of my bra. His tongue darted around my nipple with a warm, wet motion that made me sigh again. I was going to lose it if he kept going at this pace.

"Keep going." I smirked stealing his line from earlier. "Show me what you got Juice…" I leaned back on the counter using my palms to hold myself up.

"More than you can handle girl." He threw back at me giving my nipple a tug with his teeth while his hands started to work on my jeans finally jerking them loose.

He didn't try to take them off but he did shove them around until they were just low enough for him to slide his hand in. He rubbed along my panty line, feeling the lace of my thong that I was grateful I'd worn now, before pushing it to the side. One long, thick finger rubbed at my clit in a slow circle making my breathing hitch up a notch. "You have a strip." he noted in an amused tone. "That's new."

"Its supposed to be s-s-sexy." I managed to get out right when he pressed down a little harder on my nub. "Ughh…. Hurry up…"

"Someone's greedy." Juice pulled his hand out suddenly pressing his mouth back down on mine again.

I kept my legs around him, moving against him in a weak attempt to get off. He'd teasead me and left me hanging. "Take your pants off… pull them down… something… please." I pleaded with him between our loud smacking kisses.

"In a minute…" Juice replied guiding my mouth back to his neck. My hands were feeling underneath his kutte and hoodie covered body, roaming the soft skin and hard muscles like they were the greatest thing since peanut butter. I felt the bandage covering a spot just underneath his ribcage a moment too late when he cursed and pulled away from me. "I'm sorry!"

"Motherfucker…" He was holding the place I'd unknowingly groped at. "I thought I'd be okay…Not your fault."

That didn't change that I felt bad about it. "Are you sure we should be doing this?" I asked worried now that I would hurt him again. I started to slide off of the counter, watching him taking a couple more slow shaky breaths.

"Where can we go?" Juice asked ignoring the fact that he had a gunshot wound hurting him. "So no one can see this going down?"

"Oh." I was surprised, but I nodded at the laundry room to the left of us. "In there."

Seconds later we were in the small space with the dim light bulb dangling above us, barely lighting the room up. I was put on top of the dryer with Juice between my thighs kissing on my neck. "Hey Juice?" I asked tilting my head back to try and look at him but he kept going, mauling at my throat. "Juice?"

"What?" He sighed through his kisses shrugging his hoodie off to fall onto the linoleum.

"I was thinking.. We could talk?" I tried again trying to ignore his fingers tweaking my right nipple making me throb between my legs.

Juice paused, an annoyed expression coming across his features then disappearing so quickly that I would have missed it if I'd blinked. "About?"

"Getting to know each other beyond our favorite position and how whether I spit or swallow." This was a failure. He clearly had one thing only on his mind tonight, and I wasn't even sure if he could do that.

"What do you want to know?" He dipped his mouth down sucking on the left nipple hard, then tugging on it between his brightly white teeth.

"My god…." I sighed squirming around starting to lose sight of having a conversation with this man. "I don't want to hurt you if we do anything."

Juice raised his head back up, looking me in the eyes. "You want to cum, don't you?" it was a straight question.

I glanced down, staring at his boots. "Well yeah, I mean… but its okay. You don't have to…Wait!" I squealed when he started tugging at my jeans all the way down, taking my panties off along with them.

"Hey, a girl calls me for a fuck, I'm gonna deliver one way or another even if I'm incapacitated." He smirked going to his knees as he pulled the jeans completely off, tossing them to the door.

Was he about to…..? _Oh wow_… was my first thought when he licked his way up my right thigh, already turned on and making a mental note to wipe the dryer off when we were finished. "You don't have to"

Juice didn't say a word in reply, he went face first between my legs licking me with a flattened tongue, up and down. _Holy shit_…. No one had done this to me in forever, and it sure as hell hadn't been like this. I gripped the sides of his head where his tattoos were bracing myself for what I knew was about to be the best pleasure I'd ever felt in my entire life.

His tongue was slippery and warm, making me cry out when he swirled it around my clit. "Oh my god." I stuffed one fist into my mouth in an attempt to keep quiet.

"Tell me what you like." Juice whispered withdrawing his mouth for a brief second. His nibbled at me gently, being careful about it.

"Umm… maybe you could… use your fingers too?" I suggested finding my voice somehow despite feeling weak.

Juice slipped two fingers inside of me, swirling my clit again. "Put your legs up more. I've seen it all before babe."

He had. But that didn't make me any less self conscious when I pulled my legs up higher, almost on either side of the dryer now, spread wide open in front of him. Juice was damn good with his mouth, alternating the licks, to swirls, to sucks over and over for the next few minutes until I wasn't sure I could keep from pulling out the one strip of hair he had on his head. "I'm cumming… Yesyesyesyesyes… There… I like that. _That_. Yes_. Yes_…"

I had my eyes shut, lost in what was happening when Lyla's amused voice broke out through the sounds of my whimpers and Juice's heavy breathing. "You want some tips while you're down there?."

My eyes flew open in horror at being caught like this, everything exposed. To shock me even more, Juice stood, no shame at all and said "So we both saw each other tongue deep in someone's pussy. I think we're even now."

Lyla snorted, glancing away as I crawled down grabbing for my jeans and panties. "Aren't you old enough to have your own laundry room to eat pussy in Juice?"

"Yeah but yours was free." He threw back grabbing up his hoodie. "Could you.. Give us a minute?"

"Sure. Why not? I'll check on my children that are hopefully sleeping and not listening to the babysitter moaning." Lyla rolled her eyes shutting the door behind her as she left.

"I think she's pissed." I groaned shimmying into the jeans, still tingling from Juice's handiwork.

Juice just shrugged, zipping up his hoodie again, watching me fix myself. "She's seen plenty of them before. Nothin to be upset about."

But somehow, her seeing mine was mortifying. Especially with Juice going down on me and being in an ongoing orgasm when she'd walked in. He opened the door letting us back into the kitchen where the trail of beer bottles had led to the laundry room. Juice threw Lyla a look, on his way around the counter. "I'm going home before I give myself blue balls."

"Wait a sec. I'll drive you." Lyla told him dangling his keys in the air with a motherly expression.

Juice frowned at her, looking at his keys. "I think I can manage walking myself a street over since I'm being treated like a drunk."

"I know you were already pretty buzzed when you left the party earlier, and I see that you had more here. Just lookin out for you honey." Lyla gave him a sympathetic smile.

He headed to the door, not even sparing me a second glance or a goodbye kiss this time. "I'll see you later." he said in such a way that he could have been talking to either of us before slipping out of the back door.

My heart was wrenching inside of my chest achingly at this new information. "He lives a block away?" I asked her feeling another pang at the realization of what had just happened.

"Yeah. Just a couple houses over." She said emptying his already mostly gone beer out.

"Motherfucker." I muttered underneath my breath.

He'd known I was at Lyla's before he came over. We'd been in the middle of something when she came home. Both of those were what I'd consider reasons to invite me over since it was so close by. But he hadn't. Because I was a fuck, not someone you took home with you. I'd been so stupid, trying to talk to him tonight, make a conversation. It was becoming clearer that I was either going to have be okay with that, or work hard to make it into more.

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One thing I was definitely working hard was the escort business. Out of 30 girls, I was ranking 17 as far as earnings went, and I honestly felt a little proud of that fact. Sure, no one really wanted to be popular for fucking for cash, but at least I was apparently getting good at it. Now if I could just save up enough from it, I'd be doing alright.

I'd cashed out a pretty good amount on payday, and hoarded it away into my backpack stash gleefully while Nero and Lyla laughed at me. Nero was being as polite as he could, but I knew he was starting to wonder if I was going to ever find a place of my own. The problem was, I couldn't find a roommate. None of the girls were looking for one, and I was scared I couldn't afford expenses month to month on my own.

Money stress, added into my hurt feelings over the Juice situation were enough to have me feeling stressed and ready to snap. Lyla had tried to comb my wounded ego for me after he'd left, assuring me that it wasn't me. It was just him. That didn't make it hurt any less.

I stood by Lyla's desk watching her add up how much I'd brought in for the night so far when the double doors opened up, Nero and Fiasco coming in laughing together loudly. I spared them a frown before my eyes went back to Lyla's click clacking of fingernails tapping on the calculator in front of her. "Am I getting rich or paying Nero to whore myself?"

"Hopefully getting rich. I could use a wealthy hook up. Someone to buy me nice things." Fiasco's baritone boomed out beside me.

A white Styrofoam container hit the desk in front of me, a delicious spicy aroma wafting up to my nose. "Bring me your scraps?" I joked flashing him a grin.

He grinned back to my surprise, nodding down at it. "Thought you could use some dinner. Lookin a little skeletal lately."

Part of me was grateful for the food, he was right, I was losing weight in my frugal living. There was another part of my brain that had warning sirens going off loudly. Why would Fiasco be so nice to me suddenly? And why was he choosing me out of all of the available women in this brothel? And finally… as ashamed as I was to think of it this way, was I stupid to turn down any advances he made towards me?

"Thanks honey." I reached for the box, sniffing at it again. "Mexican?"

"You know it." Fiasco replied, crossing his arms over his bulky chest. "You like it?"

Lyla smiled wickedly, pausing in her work. "Oh Lindsey loves the more… exotic things."

I shot her a glare opening up the box to peek inside. "I'm going to eat my plain old quesadilla and rice in the kitchen." I looked back to Fiasco as Nero walked back from his office carrying his laptop under one arm. "I really appreciate this."

"Maybe.. If you like it, I could take you there sometime." He suggested so smoothly that I almost didn't catch what he'd said. "One night when the boss man gives you a day off."

Nero was with our little group now rubbing at his chin. "I could arrange that. I gotta approve all dates for this one though mano."

"Gee _Dad, _I think I can handle my own personal life." I quipped rolling my eyes at him, stalling for time. "I don't think he was askin me on _that _type of date."

Fiasco chuckled a little stuffing his hands into his pockets while Lyla watched me for my reply. Did I want to go out with Fiasco? I wasn't even sure I liked him that much. I knew who I wanted to ask me out, but I didn't see that one happening anytime soon. I was a survivor, I knew what I needed to do here to make my life easier.

I looked at Fiasco, the coy smile returning again. "I'd love that."


	14. Chapter 14

**I'll apologize now if there's any mistakes, I tried to edit it myself, so well… I might have missed something lol. Thanks to TeamBlaus for staying on me until I finally got this chapter done for you guys, I had to rework what I already had, thus taking longer than I'd meant to with an update. Anddddd…. Its SONSDAY! FINALLY!**

**I loved receiving all of your reviews for the last chapter, I promise you, there's a reason for the madness that seems to be taking place through this story. There is a plot I promise lol. The interest in Fiasco kinda threw me, but hey, I'm glad you guys are liking him. I know I said we'd see Juice this chapter but he's been pushed to the next one. **

Chapter 14

_We danced with monsters all through the night….._

It was here. The night. Date night. I grimaced at my reflection in the bathroom mirror in Nero's room, wishing for the hundredth time today that I had somewhere more private to get dressed at. I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep up living in a brothel. Here it was my day off and I was still stuck here.

I wrapped a section of my hair around the blazing hot curling iron, holding it in place for a couple of seconds before unwinding it. "I look horrible." I muttered sourly trying to tease it up some.

I knew I didn't actually look horrible but it seemed to fit my mood if I went along with that assumption. In reality, I looked pretty damn good. Cracked black leggings with my boots, and a long sleeve tunic over that. Not hookerish in the least. I looked like… me. The 20 year old girl, not the 20 year old escort.

"Who in the hell would have ever saw this one coming?" I asked my reflection checking my make up one more time.

The truth was, I'd never saw this happening. It was one thing for Fiasco to come by every Thursday afternoon for a hook up, and taking me out in public was something else. It changed my entire perspective of the dark haired, brooding man. It also made me realize how little I really knew about him.

A quick knock sounded on the door before it opened, Lyla was leaning in the frame smiling at me like a proud mama. "Your dates here."

"Oh shit. He's early." I frowned hurrying to gather my things, stuffing my clothes into the ragged backpack.

The backpack couldn't hold everything I owned any longer, I'd acquired so many clothing items from Lyla's hand me downs and things I'd found on sale that I had a huge shopping bag stowed away in the closet in the empty room the maids service used. I kept the important stuff in the backpack; hygiene stuff, underwear, my money stash, and photography books. The throw away cameras were in my purse, where I could easily grab them to snap a picture of something that caught my eye.

Lyla bent down, tugging the backpack away from my hands. "Nice girls don't take their hobo bags on dates Linds."

I scowled at her jerking it back possessively. "I can't leave it here. What if I don't make it back before closing?"

She sighed back but reluctantly let go of the backpack, defeated. "Fine. Promise me you'll leave it in the car when you guys get to the restaurant at least."

I zipped it up noisily, holding it by the handle on top. It weighed as much as a ton of bricks. "At least if this completely blows, I get a free meal out of it right?" I was trying to keep it light, not show how nervous I was to be going out.

"What makes you so sure its going to blow? Fiasco's a decent guy. He hasn't ever been arrested for a felon unlike certain other dark skinned men you're banging." Lyla grinned at me, clearly amused.

Juice was a felon. Somehow, that didn't shock me. He didn't exactly look like a criminal, but it explained the shady things I'd been hearing at Mr. Lin's place, or from eavesdropping on Nero. "Ugh. I don't want to talk about him."

She sucked in her bottom lip, her eyes thoughtful before she spoke to me softly. "He called a few minutes ago. Asked if you were working tonight."

My heart flip flopped. "What'd you tell him?"

"I told him you were off the next couple of days, and you were gone home. He asked for your number, but I told him I couldn't give out employee info even if it was just him. I didn't think you'd want me to tell him…" she trailed off.

I stopped at the doorway, I could see Fiasco waiting by the bar for me. "Just tell him I'm gone." my voice sounded flat. "I just… I don't know."

She nodded sympathetically, following me out into the lobby. "Try to have fun." She gave my free hand a squeeze before brushing passed me to get back to her desk.

Fiasco gave me a silver tooth smile when his inky eyes saw me standing there. "Hey. You ready babe?" He reached out taking the backpack from me with ease, I didn't even fight him on holding it myself.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

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"You look good tonight." Fiasco told me as we sat down at a table in the same little place he'd brought me takeout from.

It was a genuine compliment, a rare thing for me to get. I'd been told I was pretty or attractive in some form a lot since I started escorting, but only from two of them that said it, did I actually believe they thought so. One of them was sitting across from me, leaning back in his chair with an easygoing grin on his features.

"Thanks, I thought maybe you'd want to take out Lindsey the normal girl tonight, and not Lindsey the hooker." I joked lifting up the sweating glass of coke in front of me to take a small sip of.

Fiasco chuckled nudging the menu towards me subtly, not opening his own. "I like either. As long as its 'Lindsey' in there somewhere."

I thumbed the plastic covered menu open, gazing down at the list of possibilites. I was starving. I must have been staring harder than I realized because Fiasco said "Get what you want. They got a sampler thing that's pretty good. You get a couple different things at once if you're up for that."

Blushing, I snapped the menu closed going for the Coke again. My mouth always got dry when I was nervous. "I might just get that."

"So, what do you do off of work? You're always at Diosa." He observed pulling on his own drink, a Corona of course. "I know you stay there sometimes, I just didn't know you were so dedicated to us."

To us. I smiled sweetly, trying like hell to be myself and not the trained version of me. "Mmm.. Lets see.. I don't really do much. You obviously know I'm not exactly on many peoples guest lists to hang out, so I'm normally alone. I thumb around the bookstore, the photography shop, sometimes I get Nero to drop me off places while he's out. What about you?"

Fiasco studied me, there was something going on in that shaved head of his. "Normal stuff. Usually go to the club at the weekends, thought we'd go to a friend's party after this though."

"Oh yeah? Gomes is throwing a kegger?" I smirked toying with the hem of my shirt out of nerves.

"Nah. You know who Alvarez is right? Kind of a get together for everyone." He explained like going to hang out with Mayan bikers was no big deal.

The same Mayans that had apparently shot Juice and were helping Nero backstab the Sons from what info I could gather. I didn't say any of that to him however. "Sounds fun sweetheart. Whatever you want to do is good with me. It feels good to be out with someone."

"Not many dates huh?"

"Not really." I admitted pausing while he gave our food order to the waiter, then continued. "I wasn't popular in high school, then after the white trash rep kinda followed me around town. I think you're the first man to honestly ask."

"That good or bad?" He asked raising one dark, thick eyebrow at me.

I caught his eyes, liking the warmth that was already inside of them. "Good. Really good I think."

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The bass of the rap music I couldn't understand a word of was high enough to rattle the windows of Fiasco's car when we pulled up to the spot the party was at. Bikes were parked in a long row along with cars with the same garish appearance as his. I was about to stick out like a sore thumb in this crowd I knew instantly, frowning for a split second.

Fiasco glanced at me, sliding a hand to touch my knee softly. "You okay with bein here? We don't have to go."

But he wanted to, I could tell he did. "Its cool. Just don't leave me for some chola." I grinned slinging my purse over my shoulder as we got out, walking towards the crowd.

Already people were calling out greetings to Fiasco, waving or nodding when they recognized him. The realization that the Byz Lats were in bigger with the Mayans than I was aware of made the hair on the back of my neck stand out. I spotted out a couple of the other guys that I'd saw around Diosa before and wondered for a moment whether or not Fiasco would be embarrassed now to be seen with me.

He wasn't.

Fiasco's arm slid easily around my waist, tucking me into his side once he'd settled us in a spot with a group of laughing Mayans speaking in Spanish that I didn't know with them. I let my eyes drift away, lingering on the crowd nearest the wide, bright floodlights that lit the place up. It was a huge lot, spread with tables here and there, a bonfire in one spot, chairs scattered around. And there was dancing.

I stared at the way they moved with the music, so in sync and rolling their bodies smoothly. I felt Fiasco squeezed my side with his palm, trying to bring my attention back to him. I cut my eyes at him, not wanting to interrupt his conversation. He nodded towards the dance crowd to my surprise. "Want to?"

"I can't." I sheepishly admitted getting a laugh from the guys standing with us. One of them had a pretty girl with long flowing jet black hair and a pair of legs to kill for with him now. She pretended to scowl at Fiasco, saying something in Spanish then smiled at me kindly.

"He should teach you." She said to me keeping the smile on her tan face with the too thick eyeliner hiding her pretty eyes. "Fiasco's not a complete idiot at how to move."

Fiasco scoffed at her, this was the most laid back I'd ever saw him, and winked at me. "C'mon, its not that hard."

I wanted to, I wanted to look like they did though. "There's a reason I'm a hooker not a stripper." I warned him getting a round of laughs from everyone. "I'm serious."

"Come on guapa, trust me." He tugged on my waist nudging me towards the dancers while the others cheered us on.

I started to turn my back to him, the way the others were doing when he stopped me pulling the purse from my shoulder. "Wait.. I can't just leave it." I protested when he dropped it into a shrub near us.

"Its good there. Relax." Fiasco took my hands, both of them free now, and held them pulling me to him.

His large rough hands went to my hips showing me how to move my body with the music. The girl hadn't been lying, Fiasco was way better than I had expected. "See, you're doing good." He complimented me ignoring the fact that I'd already stepped on his perfectly white sneakers three times in the past twenty minutes.

I was having a blast. One song, two songs, four songs, I lost track of how long we were there grinding and rubbing against each other feeling way more intimate than any time we'd ever slept together. I was breathless when Fiasco wrapped me into his chest, pressing his mouth against my ear to be heard over the music. "You ready to go?"

Now that we were here, I didn't want to leave. I glanced down at his watch, eyes widening at the time. "Yeah! I have to be back at Diosa before close!" I yelled back over the slow, sweet Juanes song that had came on. I knew it was Juanes from the cheer that the females made at the opening beats.

He nodded releasing me to go grab the purse back from its hiding spot, he held it towards me jerking a thumb over at the group of bikers. "I gotta go say bye, meet me at the bar babe!"

I watched his brawny back disappear with a little twinge in my chest. I liked him. A lot. He wasn't what I'd been chasing after that was for sure, but still… there was something about him. I walked towards his maroon car, boots making a clacking sound until I slid into the passenger seat. Only then did I really look at my purse and realize something was wrong.

Practically ripping it open, I dumped everything out onto the floorboard frantically. It was gone. I shook the purse harder willing for a miracle to happen and my overstuffed coin purse fall out. It was gone. My money was gone.

A combined emotion of despair and panic weighed down on my shoulders as I let it sink in. Everything I'd been saving since I paid Eric off, gone. Every penny was gone. I let the tears slide down my thickly mascarad lashes onto my cheeks freely. I'd been whoring myself for nothing. I'd went without eating for nothing. Without that money, I was done for.

I sat there in a state of shock until I felt Fiasco shake me gently. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked concerned leaning down beside me.

"Someone stole my wallet." I answered in an emotionless voice staring up at him wishing the ground would swallow me up whole.

"Shit." He cursed tugging on the beanie cap he'd put on when we got here. "I'll ask around, see who grabbed it. They probably didn't know…"

I shook my head sadly. "No one's going to own up to that. You know they won't. Its just, gone. Everything."

Fiasco sighed squatting down in front of me on the pavement. "Its fine, it was just money. At least you didn't get it snatched while you were carrying it."

How could he say it like that? He made it seem so easy, like everyone had money and afford for it to be stolen, no big deal.

"You don't understand!" I cried out covering my face with my hands on the foot prop of the passenger side of the car, sitting back before I collapsed from grief. "It wasn't just a few bucks!"

It wasn't Fiasco's fault, I knew that. It was nobody's but my own for being so stupid not to open a damn bank account. But I didn't have an address for that. I let the tears fall freely in front of him, not even strong enough to try to pull it together and hide my emotions. This was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

Fiasco crouched down in front of me, pulling my hands away from my face that I knew had glob of black eye makeup running down the cheeks along with raccoon eyes. "Calm down. I'll make this right for you, stop crying guapa."

I blinked hard, more tears hitting my cheeks with a flutter. "I can't calm down. That money was everything. I…. I.." I choked up crying again as I tried to pull my hands away from his to cover my eyes.

"I know what that money was." He stated settling for rubbing my thigh to comfort me. "I know more than you think Lindsey."

"You know I'm homeless? That I can't even afford to eat?" I threw out bitterly then instantly felt bad for snapping at him. "You know why I do what I do?"

Fiasco shifted, sitting down instead of crouching on the pavement. "Yeah I do know that. I know why you're hookin it at Nero's place instead of workin at Burger King like most kids. I know that you can handle it too."

I shook my head, the curls shaking loose of its pins. "I _can't _handle it anymore. I can't. Every time I start to get ahead something happens. I don't even know what I'm gonna do now. I don't have money , I don't have anything."

"You could calm down for one thing. Listen to what I have to say, let me make it better." His voice was warm and inviting, it almost made me want me to lean over and cry onto his shoulder. "I can loan you some cash until you get back on your feet. I don't mind bringin you some dinner by when I swing by at night anyways either."

"I don't take charity." I wiped at my eyes, trying to repair the damage done despite knowing it was useless. "I'll figure this out."

"Let me help you." He urged touching my leg in a comfort move. "I want to."

A new thought hit me. I was royally fucked tonight. "Diosa's closed."

Fiasco shrugged rubbing his way up to my thigh, squeezing it. "And?"

"And that was home tonight." I snapped throwing my hands up in the air in complete despair.

"So I got a place too you know. You don't think we're both homeless do you?" Fiasco laughed trying to make me smile I knew. "You can crash with me. I don't bite."

I couldn't help it. I did smile back at him. "I don't put out on the first date you know."

Fiasco stood slowly, taking his time to stretch his legs out. "Good. Neither do I. So don't even think about comin on to me tonight."

That got a giggle out of me that I didn't know was possible while he walked around to get into the drivers seat. Fiasco really wasn't so bad I reminded myself yet again. So far.

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Fiasco lived in the hood. I could see that right off the bat when we turned onto his block, him navigating aloud for me. The house itself wasn't so bad. It was a single story white house that needed paint and the yard to be cleaned but considering the dump I grew up looked like a rat nest on the outside, I wasn't too judgy.

"It ain't much, but its home." He spoke leading me to the back door of the house, around a few children's toys that littered the carport.

"I'm sure its fine." I assured him crossing my arms over my stomach hugging myself. He was carrying my 'hobo' bag with him.

He paused unlocking the door, a series of roughly 5 locks before pushing it open. "Gomes lives here too. Not here tonight though."

The kitchen we entered was… well…. It was a scene off of 'Hoarders' completely with what I was pretty sure was old pizza boxes in the corner on the floor beside the trash can. But he'd brought me to his house without me even asking, or without it being for sex specifically. The last man that I'd wanted to extend the invitation hadn't and I was still hurt from it. This was helping repair it, even if it wasn't classy. The point was that someone had thought I was worth the effort.

Fiasco tossed his keys onto the kitchen table, pulling his hat off. "I know its its kinda messy but…. I'm not big on cleanin and neither is he."

"I've seen worse." I tried to cover my shock, not wanting him to feel embarrassed at all about his house. Hell, at least he had a place to lay his head down at night that was his own.

"So umm, you cool with sleepin in the same bed or should I get familiar with the couch tonight?"

Was I? I'd never honestly spent the entire night in bed with someone. "I'm not putting you out of your own bed." I bit down on my bottom lip watching his reaction. "I could take the couch, you know since you said I couldn't make any moves tonight anyways."

Fiasco smirked motioning for me to follow him down the very short hall that had a bathroom judging from what I could see in the dark, and two bedrooms. He pushed the door open to one of them, letting me into his personal space.

It was cleaner in here, the bed made up with dark blue sheets and a plain brown comforter. He had laundry piled on the floor by the closet, otherwise it was picked up. "Want a shirt or something?" he offered kicking his sneakers off as I sat down on the edge to remove my boots from my aching feet.

"I think I'm good." I cut my eyes over to him as he undressed pulling his white beater off, showing off that torso of tats. The pants dropped next leaving him in a pair of black boxers.

"You're staring at me." He stated lifting his chin up in question. "Like you ain't ever seen this before."

I wasn't sure what came over me, but I crawled onto the bed going towards him with a heat flowing in my veins. "Maybe I see something I want is all."

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I'd been stripped down to nothing but bare skin that glowed in the moonlight coming in from the blinds on the lone window in the room. Fiasco was underneath me, running his hands along my body, feelings its shape with murmurs of approval every so often.

I straddled his hips, letting him palm at my breasts one by one before he gave each a gentle suck. My hands were rubbing at his stomach liking the thick band of muscles beneath my fingers. They were so different from other ones I'd admired. I traced his tattoo of the name "Dominic", leaning down to kiss him.

The grill made this a little bit different, but once I got used to it, I didn't even hesitate. So what if he had platinum teeth? That was a good thing right? That meant he had to have had money at some point. Jesus, now I sounded all wrong. I rolled my tongue with his sighing into his mouth. "We don't have to do this you know Linds."

"I know that. I want to." I stared into his eyes, sitting back up straight. "Unless…. You don't want me." I teased in a sad voice starting to get off of him when he grabbed me quickly in a way that made me squeal. "Ok ok! I'll stay!"

"I wasn't planning on letting you leave."

He raised up, his arm stretching over to his nightstand grabbing the little foil packet with one hand, the other slipping between my legs pushing two fingers inside of me. My eyes shut, letting him explore the wetness, urging him to keep going when he tried another digit with the other two. Fiasco wasn't a big talker in bed, but that was okay. I could deal with that.

"Now." I whispered raising up for him to slip the condom on.

Then he was pressing into me, going slowly like he always did. "Hurting you?"

I couldn't help it, I laughed. "Definitely doesn't hurt baby. More like a pleasurable pain that… oh god…" I felt the head of his cock inside of me, brushing my cervix .

Fiasco's endowment matched the rest of his body, thick and unforgiving. There wasn't ever much foreplay, but this… this was always good. I rolled my hips in a circle letting myself adjust with a little whimper. Up, and down, up… and his hands were on my sides lifting me up at the pace he wanted me to go.

The house was dead quiet, the only sounds were my gasps and Fiasco's deep breaths. He could work it, I threw my head back going along with the way he was moving me on top of him. Plain old sex. "So good." I whispered to him in the dark. "Go deeper. Deeper. Like that…" it was the first time I'd ever asked him to do anything in bed for me. We weren't at Diosa, and he wasn't a customer right now, so I didn't see why not.

"Sit back, put your hands on my knees and lean back." He instructed me pausing for me to reposition.

_Motherfucker_. This was amazing. He was so deep it was borderline too much and I'd had more sex in the past week than the year before. I was suddenly wishing I'd spoken up for more oral action when I felt the hard pace slamming into me. My left hand left his knee, going to my clit rubbing it in a slow circle, barely any pressure on the little nub. "I want you to do this." I spoke up again.

He didn't. He kept holding my sides, rocking me down hard. "Fiasco." I near whined, pleaded, and begged. "I'll c-c-…." He went for it while I was mid sentence and then I was pulling at my own hair getting off more on the knowledge he was doing what I wanted than what he wanted to.

The position though. I was tucking that one away for a later use, liking the way his eyes kept going to where the action was, watching himself slide into me. Good manners, good personality, decent looking, the grill I could handle, good job, his own place…. And importantly, not embarrassed to take me home or want something besides this.


	15. Chapter 15

**You guys totally made my day when I had a flood of reviews for the last chapter! I think I got back to everyone but I wanted to tell my guest reviews that I appreciate them too! I hope you guys leave me more for this chapter :D **

**Next chapter…. Things start to finally materialize for you guys…. Until then… enjoy naked Juice unless you've had enough of that this week…. **

Chapter 15

_Things only a monster would do…._

_Slap!_

My ass was on fire with the sting of a hand slapping the shit out of the bare flesh. I groaned rolling over onto my side, one hand going to caress the reddening skin. "What the fuck?"

"Get up. We thought you were finally dead." Tig said with a little too much cheerfulness for my taste.

I rolled myself into a sitting position, slumping against the arm of the dark leather couch, rubbing my eyes. "What day is it?" I asked him pulling my leg in closer for him to flop down beside me.

Tig was eyeing me a little too curiously, a glint in his eyes crazy ass blue eyes. "Two days since we saw you last time. Been callin you for hours, Gem said she swung by but you wouldn't open the door, it was locked."

_Holy shit_. _I'd been out for a while _I realized taking a cigarette from the pack he held out towards me. I'd left the half finished clubhouse party drunk off my ass and kept it up until I couldn't even stand to open my eyes. When I'd woken up however long after, I'd showered to sober up then realized how shitty I felt and started drinking again. Guess I hadn't made it to the clothes part yet when I passed out.

"Shit. I'm sorry, Jax is he..-" Tig waved a hand at me cutting me off with a smirk, dragging on his cigarette.

"Jax is pissed but he ain't gonna kill ya just yet." He said casually like it was the most common thing to say. "You look hammered dog shit man."

"I feel like hammered dog shit." I replied letting my head drop back onto the couch cushion. It seemed like I spent more time on the couch lately than in my own bed. "Speakin of dog…. Whisper!" I whistled sharply feeling a pang of regret for passing out like this. My poor baby had to be starving.

The puppy came bouncing out of the kitchen, tail wagging excitedly at me coming to claw her way up the leather. I almost didn't even care that my couch was being ruined by her claws until I felt the sharp talons dig into my own skin in her attempt to climb. Tig leaned down scooping her up in one hand, bringing her to sit in his lap.

He rubbed her head gently, petting her while he talked. "I'm guessin the party kept goin once you drove your drunk ass home."

"Somethin like that." I shrugged stabbing the cigarette out in the ashtray on the coffee table. "What's going on anyways?"

"Sheriffs think they found new evidence. Brought Jax in for more questioning." He said casually like it was nothing.

That was big news. I felt my stomach coil up like a snake ready to strike. "What.. What kind of evidence?"

Tig shrugged propping his muddy boots up on the table in front of him. "Dunno man. Guess he'll tell us when he gets back. Chibs is up there waitin on him. I volunteered to come drag your ass outta this hideaway you keep stowin away in."

I nodded, understanding and grateful that it was him. I didn't feel like seeing Bobby, Rat, or Happy. I didn't want them in my personal space either. Home was the one little sanctuary I had where everything unraveled away from them, my safe place. "Can I ask you something?"

Tig raised an eyebrow then shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah sure. Ask away princess. If it's the birds and bees thing, I thought you had that covered."

I scowled at him, but didn't snap back. I'd been thinking on this for a few days now. If anyone could understand what was going on in my mind right now, it would be him. Tig had killed Donna without even meaning to, but she'd still been an innocent woman. A woman we all knew at that. He'd kept his secrets a lot like I was doing now, until he couldn't deal with it anymore and confessed. It was the confession that was weighing on my shoulders heavily.

"Does it get better?" I asked openly, hoping I didn't have to elaborate anymore.

I didn't. Tig knew exactly what I was talking about, I saw the recognition in his eyes. "No it doesn't get better. You just… keep on as normal. Ignore the shit."

I couldn't do that. I'd tried doing that already and it was driving me insane, the voices were getting worse than before. "I don't.. I can't.. I mean.. shit Tig." I rubbed my temples trying to ease the pounding in my skull.

"You got anything outside the club?" He asked suddenly motioning at the puppy who was licking his fingers down. "Besides the dog?"

"Nah. Its just me. Its always been just me, you know that. Never had much interest in anything but the Sons." it sounded almost sad to say it aloud, how pathetic my existence really was in the eyes of someone else.

"What about that mountain lion you were fuckin? Your piece of jailbait?" Tig said in such a calm voice it was eerie.

Lindsey, the pretty girl. The pretty girl who hadn't returned my phone calls since I'd started calling Diosa two weeks ago looking for her. I gave Tig a look, telling him that was off limits and he looked away instantly. "Keep her away. It ruins everything. The women."

He was right. The club ruined all of its women. Donna was dead. Tara was dead. Wendy a recovering junkie. Lyla a widow. Gemma twice widowed and going just as mental as I was. Precious was a bitter viper. Collene had fled Tig. Shit.. Women and this club just didn't go hand in hand.

Tig leaned over putting Whisper down to stand up. "I gotta get goin. Just wanted to make sure you weren't rottin away or some shit."

I stood, walking with him to the door. "Yeah, I'll be by in a bit. Gonna take care of a few things around here."

"You look like you need your dick sucked." It was a statement from nowhere, and I frowned at him. I knew he was a little different, but really?

"No thanks. I'm gonna pass." I smirked at him but he smirked right back at me, a sneer.

"I'd hug you but I'm not really big on Puerto Rican cock."

The smirk dropped from my face, I grabbed the throw pillow holding it in front of myself. "Thanks for droppin by." I reached over opening the door quickly. "Next time we'll have to do it clothed."

He chuckled but was halfway out when he said "Just a suggestion"

But a suggestion that had me thinking again…..

A quick search of the house once I'd let the dog out found my phone in the pocket of the jeans I'd had on last. A million missed calls and texts, but none from a number I didn't recognize. She hadn't called me back.

It wasn't even necessarily her that I was needing. I didn't think so anyways. I didn't have any sort of feelings for her besides the type that proved Tig's words true, I needed a release of some type that alcohol wasn't dulling. It'd been forever since I saw the pretty girl and id' noticed a change in the volume of the voices entering my mind. Just a theory I had formed while I was drunk…..

A theory that I wanted to test. I scrolled through my recently dialed calls until I found Diosa on the log and hit the green button, listening to it ring while I walked around gathering myself clean stuff to throw on which was a task considering I hadn't done shit around my house in a while. Maybe I'd clean it up once I got this shit under control. I glanced down at my stomach at the angry red skin surrounding the stitches that still hadn't healed. They were yellow crusted and starting to hurt. I should probably add that to the list of things to clean.

"Diosa Nuerte" Lyla's chipper voice answered. "How can I help you today?"

I leaned over the kitchen counter, propping myself on my elbows. "Hey umm, is Lindsey in today?" I asked not revealing who I was even though Lyla could probably pick out my voice.

She paused a pregnant moment before answering me. "She's not in Juice. She's out for the day."

"What about tomorrow?" I tried knowing just how desperate I was starting to sound.

"Look, we have other girls available. I could book-"

"No." I snapped harshly into the phone. "I'm not interested. Just… tell her I called. Again."

Pretty girl was avoiding me. Maybe it was safer for her that way.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Lindsey's POV

"I think it could use one more coat of paint." I studied the salmon colored wall in front of us. "Maybe tell the guys to pick up one more gallon."

Becky nodded beside me, holding her own paint roller in her splattered hand. "Want to grab a break? Rat said he'd bring us some sandwiches by in a few."

I couldn't help but smile a little at the girl beside me. She'd spoken of nothing but Rat since I'd arrived at the crack of dawn to help the 'croweaters' as I'd learned they were called, and a few other volunteers help piece together the run down warehouse the Sons were using as a porn studio as soon as it was ready.

Rat had been there at first, unloading bags from Lowe's and other do it yourself stores for us along with a couple of guys I learned were Montez and West. I'd been more than happy to see him, it'd been forever since we'd ran into each other. Then, after he'd left, Becky had shyly asked how we knew each other and the crush came tumbling out of her mouth in no time.

Fiasco had dropped me off on his way through to Oakland, with a promise to swing back by for me later on. A little peck on the lips and a grin was all he'd needed before I slipped into the horror house of a studio to clean.

I followed the younger girl over to the only table we had free of odd and ends, where a couple of the other girls were already sitting down. "I'm dying for a drink more than anything." The drywall dust was gathering in my mouth, making it pasty feeling.

I'd almost regretted telling Nero that I'd love to help, I'd been so eager when he said the club had asked if he had anyone willing to come make a few extra bucks that I hadn't even asked exactly what I'd be doing. Or why he was suddenly back in with the Sons after buddying up to Alvarez. Money was money in my book, and I needed it.

"Here." She offered me a bottle of water from a cooler on the floor beside us. "Looks like Lyla's here now too."

The leggy blonde was walking through, inspecting everything with a critical eye pointing out what had been looked over to the hired men, pausing to wrinkle her nose at something every so often. If anyone was in charge in this place, it was her. Her studio, she called it with a huge bright eyed grin. Because Jax had promised her a producers chair once it was all ready to go.

It made me sad to think that she'd be leaving Diosa as madam, but I understood. The hours would be better here, more money, and not as shady. Trashy still, but not shady. I'd grown closer to her than I had anyone else in my entire life, it was going to be hell not seeing her for a laugh or advice.

Lyla neared us, smile still in place. "Its looking pretty good. I think we'll be ready for the party tomorrow night."

I made a little face at the reminder of the party. We were basically cleaning just for everyone to trash the place again. I'd be a party favor tomorrow night instead of the cleaning lady, in one of my hooker outfits instead of the ripped shorts and tank top I had on now. I'd started off with one of Fiasco's soft, old worn plaid shirts as an overshirt to keep the paint off of myself but I'd tossed it aside once I found the AC wasn't ready in here.

"Gee I can't wait." I mused watching Chuckie walk around picking up the trash in a huge clear bag. "I guess its better than sitting around Diosa though." Or Fiasco's I finished in my head.

I'd been spending a lot of time over there since our date. If I was off from work, he'd come to Diosa to pick me up and take me to his place for the two days. Granted, it'd only been two weeks, but I was thinking it was headed in the right direction.

"Speaking of Diosa." Lyla raised her eyebrows at me trying to tell me something.

Becky looked between us, then smiled a little bit. "I'll come back in a few." she offered standing back up. "I'll go keep a lookout for Rat."

We waited until she rounded the corner to elaborate anymore. Lyla spoke in a low tone "He called again right before I headed over here. He's.. wanting you. I offered to set him up with someone else."

Juice. I refused to look at Lyla now, my eyes on everything but her face. "I can't. I just can't." I told her softly.

I couldn't see him. Not until I knew what I was doing with Fiasco. For Juice it was just sex, I was something he could use to please himself, for me… it was more. He'd stung my feelings more than he even cared to notice. I'd been convincing myself Juice was just a thing, a little crush. I didn't need him. I needed to focus on Fiasco. I needed to want Fiasco not Juice.

If I saw him, it'd undo everything I was building up to within myself.

Part of me felt bad knowing t hat I was having to work so hard to be with the sweet talking, tough looking man that had me on a pedestal. Two weeks wasn't that long though, the feelings could still come I reminded myself. I didn't not like him after all.

"I don't like it." She said flatly a hand going to one bony hip haughtily. "If you don't want to see him, you should just tell him. I don't know what happened exactly, or why, but you can't just ignore him Lindsey."

"Yes I can." I snapped crossing my arms over my tank top covered chest. "He didn't care to talk to me that night at your house, he can wait until I decide to talk this time."

A look crossed her face that I'd never had directed at me. It was an angry, nasty eyed face. "He doesn't know what he's doing. Juice is… desperate. I can't take listening to him every time he calls, its pathetic. If you don't want to fuck him on the side, tell him. He can't handle being played with right now."

"Glad you're such a crusader of his." I threw back irritated with her. I was sick of hearing about poor Juice. What about poor Lindsey, the idiot who was fucking her dream man thinking it was getting her something real?

"I help the people who need me in case you've forgotten." She said frostily snatching her clipboard up from the table. "And the ungrateful ones can go to hell."

It was the first time we'd really ever fought. I hadn't thought Lyla could get so ugly so quick. I glared at her then sighed, kicking at the plastic covered floor. "I don't want to argue with you over Juice Ly. I just don't know what I'm doing. How to survive right now."

"Its easy. You do what you have to do but remember its not worth it if you're not happy." She scratched at a spot on the board beside her. "I don't want to argue with you either. But Juice is still family."

"I'm sorry I snapped." I whispered hugging her tightly, her arm squeezed my shoulders in return.

"Its fine. I did too." She apologized with a sigh. "You better decide what you want to say to him though."

I frowned letting her go from our hug. "Why's that?"

"He's here."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Juice's POV

I swung my leg down, kicking the stand down on my bike before climbing off. To my right Gemma was pulling in, her SUV windows rolled down letting the noises of Abel and Thomas giggling flow out. I nodded at her, pulling my sunglasses off to check out my surroundings.

I hadn't been here before now. The guys had took this place on while I was in Nevada with Bobby a while back, helping him settle in. It was a pretty shitty place for a porn studio, but it might hold some potential if the inside was in decent condition.

"Got your shit in the back." Gemma called over to me getting out of the driver's side while two of the girls came out, unbuckling the kids and tickling them.

Who woulda ever thought croweaters were damn good babysitters? I thought to myself laughing inwardly as I walked over to her SUV. "Thanks. I didn't feel like messin with the van too much. Rat's been haulin warehouse shit around in it."

She waited until the girls walked away, holding the boys on their hips before she said quietly " They found new evidence Juice. I thought you fixed this ."

I inhaled sharply, giving her a look that could kill. "I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything."

Gemma studied me, her scrutiny made me feel twitchy, a reminder that I hadn't taken my meds in days. I let her stare me down for a good minute before sighing, a hand going to rub the back of my neck where a knot of tension was building up. "I took care of it Gem. I told you that. I swear to God, its all gone."

"And what about you? You takin care of you?" She asked raising an eyebrow at me in question, her hip jutting out to emphasize her concern.

"I'm fine." I replied, eyes going downcast to look at the stained gravel beneath my feet.

"That's what worries me. You're always 'fine' lately." Gemma's hand reached over jerking up my Reaper Crew shirt without any hesitation. "You're going to get gangrene if you don't clean that shit. You know how to clean a fuckin bullet hole Juice."

I just didn't care enough to. That would require me to be awake long enough to do it, and that meant hearing that god damned voice talking to me the entire time. "Its good. Almost healed." I jerked my shirt from her claws with a scowl. "Not like anyone would miss me anyways if I kill over."

Gemma rolled her eyes, turning to open the hatch of the SUV pulling out one of the smaller boxes of equipment while I went for the heavier stuff. "That's bullshit and you know it sweetheart."

"Must be my good looks they'll miss." I tried to lighten the mood just as we stepped through the wornout doors into the warehouse.

Abel was chasing a ball around with the dark haired crow eater, Nina, and Thomas was snoozing in Becky's arms in one of the smaller rooms that still needed a door of its own put up. Lyla was walking around on stilettos, directing people on what to do, a few other women I didn't recognize were either wrapping up the plastic or wiping up the drywall dust that was leftover. Except for one with long dark hair, and an ass I loved to palm whenever it was within my reach. Pretty Girl was standing 10 feet away from me, pulling painters tape down from the ugly ass pink walls.

She was here.

"Juice?" Gemma touched my arm, breaking my stare. "Where do you want this? I'll get the girls to get the rest so you can jump on it."

I cleared my throat, making Lindsey glance towards me with her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. "The office. I'll uh, I'll be right there." I told Gemma willing her to give me the third degree as I headed towards the dark haired girl.

Lindsey kept on pulling the tape down, stepping up onto a ladder to stretch towards a piece that ran along the ceiling molding, ignoring my presence. I stood there looking up at her taking in just the sight of her. Lyla hadn't been lying when I'd called and she said she wasn't there, she'd been here right under my nose.

She looked even better than the last time I'd saw her. Her body had filled out some, not as bony now but still too skinny, the small weight difference showed in her breasts that were just barely visible at the top of her tank top.

"You're a hard girl to get in touch with, pretty girl." I spoke quietly not wanting anyone else to jump in on our conversation.

She barely spared me a look, keeping herself busy. "I've been working a lot."

She was lying. She hadn't been at work much really, I'd called. "I thought you might be avoiding me for some crazy reason."

Lindsey stepped back down, ignoring the hand I put out to help her. She wiped her palms on her ripped up shorts, little beads of moisture were on her neck. "What gives you that idea?"

I was getting irritated now. I hadn't had to work for a female in a long time, and I didn't like having to start today when I was already feeling shitty. "I called you at Diosa a few times. Left messages with Lyla."

"I know." She said softly pushing her hair away from her face, her jaw held tight like she was keeping something back. "She told me."

So why didn't you call? I wanted to ask, but didn't. "So I…"

"Hey Lindsey! Fiasco's here!" One of the girls I didn't know called out interrupting us. I gave her a murderous glare that she flinched away from, stepping away quickly.

Lindsey was scrambling to grab a shirt that had tossed to the side, the backpack I'd always saw her toting around, and stuffing it inside of it. "I gotta go Juice."

She started to flit past me without another word when I grabbed her hand. "Hey wait.. I just.." want to fuck you. Want you to get rid of my crazy ass split personality for a while.

"I have to go." She pulled her hand away just as Fiasco appeared in the room, nodding at me then his eyes fell on Lindsey, a warmth springing to them that I didn't like. I really didn't like it.

"You ready guapa?" He asked her already taking the backpack from her, a hand dipping into the back pocket of her tiny shorts.

Lindsey nodded, eyes darting back to me. "I'll see you Juice." she said quietly letting Fiasco tug her away.

I sure as hell hadn't been expecting that.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

The absolute last night place I wanted to be at tonight was a raging party with strippers, porn stars, hookers, and every known criminal organization from Charming to Oakland.

I was tired. Really fuckin tired. I hadn't slept the night before after I'd finished wiring up the porn studio's sound system for tonight. Sleep was starting to become impossible.

_Because of us. _

"Not tonight." I sighed twisting the cap off a beer I'd just snagged from a passing crow eater. "Not in front of people."

_Why not? Embarrassed of us? Think they'll throw you in the nuthouse?_

"Maybe I belong there." I scanned the crowd, seeing where everyone was at for the moment.

Bobby was in the small office on the phone, talking to someone, Jax, Chibs, Tig, and Hap were all in a pack talking to Henry Lin who had a very familiar brunette hanging off of his arm. She had on one of her tight, barely there hooker outfits tonight, with heels that looked like she belonged on the pole not the arm of a crew leader.

But she was still pretty. Even with the too much make up and teased hair, she was pretty standing there staring off into space while the men around her talked. I frowned a little, a surge of anger rippling my already emotional mind when I saw Lin's hand snake up her skirt grabbing a handful of her ass not caring who saw him do it.

She was fucking Fiasco, I knew that without a doubt. Those guys weren't nice to the escorts just for kicks. But I'd had no idea her escort job had taken her as far as the Chinese clientele.

_Jealous of the hooker's day job Juice? How low have you stooped on the hook up line?_

Annoyed with myself, I downed half of my Bud scowling. "I need her. She's the only thing that makes you shut up."

_Why are you so dead set on getting rid of me? I'm the only one that's always with you. _

"Because you make me feel even shittier." I spoke aloud again, grateful that the music was so loud no one could hear me talking to myself like this.

_You could always try another one. What about her?_

The woman to my left wasn't ugly, but she was a blonde with short hair that reminded me entirely too much of someone else every time I saw it. I started a slow walk around the building, scoping out everything. Maybe I would find someone else since it obviously wasn't happening with the person I knew would help things. It wouldn't hurt to give someone else a try. Test out my theory that I just needed someone in general.

Gemma was with Nero, whispering away together. I knew that would happen. They were just too damn stubborn to get back together without being forced into the same space. Lyla was working the bar, pushing drinks across to the partiers. Rat was sloppy ass drunk, falling down every time he tried to stand which made me feel a tiny bit gleeful seeing that it was somebody else being pegged as the club drunk tonight.

I was making my way past Jax when I felt his hand clap onto my shoulder heavily, stopping me. "What's up brother?" I shouted in his ear over the metal song that was on.

Jax's eyes cut at me, studying me. "You good? You been drinking?"

I pulled away wondering where this conversation was headed. I held my beer bottle up, showing him that it was only halfway gone. "Not much. Not feelin it. I'm getting ready to head out. Was seein what I could take with me."

He motioned at someone behind us beckoning them forwards. ""Give her a ride home if you don't mind. Rat's too busted to take her and I promised her old man I'd make sure she got back in one piece if she came."

Becky. She didn't look too thrilled at the thought of being in a vehicle with me, just like I wasn't too thrilled about being with her. This was killing my plans for the night. "Yeah sure. Anything." I told Jax deciding not to argue on this one. I was treading on thin ice and knew when to pick my fights. Driving a little girl home wasn't worth it.

"Take the van." Jax shoved the keys into my hand backing away. "See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." I echoed him then darted my eyes at the girl beside me. "Ready?"

She nodded silently following me out of the warehouse closely so we didn't get separated. She didn't speak to me until I'd started the van up. "I'm sorry you had to leave because of me."

"Nah I was leavin anyway." I assured her backing out slowly. "You didn't want to stay?"

"Not really. Rat was supposed to be my ride and once he was done for the night I didn't see the point in hanging around." Becky replied pulling her legs up into the seat with her.

"Ohhh. You guys like.. Whatever?" I asked not really caring but making conversation for the hell of it. The longer I talked to her, the longer I'd be at peace in my own mind.

Becky shook her head shaking her hair loose from its ponytail. A flowery shampoo scent hit my nose. "No. Just friends for now."

I smirked over at her turning onto the main highway that would lead us into Charming. "Story of my life."

She didn't say anything back until we made it into town, and directed me towards her house on the edge of town. I'd been here before with the guys after she'd busted our window at the parlor. I didn't mention that to her though. I parked just down the block from her house, other cars blocking me from getting any closer.

When she didn't instantly get out, I let my eyes drift over to her. Becky too, was a brunette with long hair. Dark eyes. Really skinny. Young. Way too young. They almost looked alike. I blinked when she did move, leaning towards me. Was she about to….?

I turned my head catching her mouth with mine working my lips into a warm wet kiss against hers. My hand slithered up catching her cheek holding her still while we kissed. She tasted like beer and bubblegum. "Thanks for the ride home Juice." She said softly breaking the kiss.

I saw my window of opportunity. I could make this work. Lindsey, Becky, what was the difference? I pressed my mouth back over hers a little more roughly pressing against her until her mouth widened letting my tongue slip in to tangle with hers.

_Do it. Just do it. She'll let you, you know. _

"Yeah?" I whispered against her lips, my right hand squeezing at her thigh suggestively.

"Yeah." Becky whispered back coming closer. "Its okay. I swear."

I cupped her through her tight jeans kissing her bottom lip one last time. "C'mon. Lets move this in the back."

She crawled between the seats easier than I did, already pulling her jeans down when I finally squeezed my way through. "Do you have a condom?" she asked shakily when I pulled her back towards me slipping a hand into her panties.

"Mmmhmmm." I muttered going down her neck wildly stopping to suck just a little not enough to leave a mark. I always had condoms. It was a man thing.

Did I really want to use it with her though? Becky was so young… I wasn't. This was wrong on so many levels. But oh, oh… she was grabbing me through my Dickies bringing me to a full on hardness. I parted her lips open, slipping two fingers inside of her with a hesitance. This was the same as any girl. I could fuck Becky, and it not be Becky.

She moaned pressing her hips up urging me to keep going. I formed a 'come hither' motion inside of her, closing my eyes. "You're a pretty girl you know." I said before I could stop myself.

Becky laughed softly. "I'm already in the back of a van, half naked for you. You don't have to talk me up now."

"I'm not. You're a pretty girl." I repeated giving her clit a little pinch that made her gasp. God, I was getting hard. I couldn't back out. Not now. I wanted her.

I reached my free hand into my back pocket fumbling for the condom I knew was in there. I ripped it open with my teeth, her staring up at me as I thumbed my pants undone freeing my raging hard on. I rolled it on hurriedly pulling her flower covered panties to the side to align us.

"Uh!" She cried out when I pushed into her frantically getting desperate as the first hint of something not being right entered my mind.

Its not her. You're fooling yourself.

God, she was tight. Too tight. I should have fingered her more. It was too late for that now. Her skinny legs wrapped around my waist urging me on. "Go harder. Please. Harder." she was just above a whisper.

Lindsey always liked it hard.

I leaned down, tucking my face into her neck as I pumped into her, then back out groaning. I wasn't gonna last long. I was too worked up. Lindsey always got me like this. She felt amazing. I kissed the dark hair that was against my nose, breathing in its heavy flower scent. "So long." I breathed into her ear. "Its been so long." So long since I'd had the pretty girl.

_Its not Lindsey. Its Becky. Becky is underneath you. Becky. Becky. Becky. _

"Shut up." I snapped angrily jerking my head up. "Just shut up."

Becky's hand slapped me with force on the chest. "You shut up. I thought you wanted to."

_Oh shit_. I grabbed at her hip, sighing. "I do. I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to me. I don't…" I sounded nuts.

It didn't distract her from what was obviously happening though. Becky clutched at my shirt whimpering when I moved myself in a circle to change it up. I reached between us, pressing against her clit willing her to cum before I did.

She did. Digging her nails into the back of my neck as she froze up letting me slam into her with an animal like need, she came just before I did. Then the realization set in.

"Shit. I.." I rolled off of her feeling a cross between low and euphoric. "I shouldn't have done this."

"I told you, I wanted to." Becky sat up tugging her panties back into place reaching out for her jeans. "

I laid still a moment before pulling the condom off, zipping up my pants. "I didn't mean that. I meant.. Rat and…." I stopped before I said her name. "This was a really bad idea."

Becky curled up on her knees once she was dressed, staring at me. "Maybe it was." she reluctantly agreed. "Maybe we should keep this between us."

"I don't know what I was thinking. I don't. its not personal but I knew better." I sighed a gnawing started on my mind, fresh to the lists of guilt trips. "Rat's my friend."

"And you have a girlfriend." She stated crawling back up front trying to finger comb her hair.

"No, not a girlfriend." I definitely didn't need one of those. "Just someone."

Becky grabbed her purse from the floorboard, leaning back up slowly. The sex was hanging in the air heavily. I could still feel her juices on my own junk. Becky was a pretty decent lay even if I felt like a total complete creeper right now. "It wasn't me?"

"Not even close to that. You just belong with someone else. With Ratboy." I gave her a smile trying to ease that out of her mind. "I'm no good in case you noticed back there."

She opened the door slowly, glancing back at me over her shoulder. "I have… problems too. Not exactly like what you did. But something close."

"I guess us crazies gotta stick together."

She laughed to my surprise as she climbed out pausing before she shut the door. "Hey Juice?" I caught her eyes. "Whoever she is, she's a lucky girl."

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Fucking Becky didn't help shit. I was out of my mind the minute I stepped through the door at my house. I covered my ears with my hands willing them to just stop. "I can't take it. I need to go to sleep. To… be normal."

You're not normal though. You're a killer. They're going to know you helped soon. They found evidence.

"I got rid of everything. I didn't do anything." I argued back pacing around with Whisper following after me despite me going in circles.

You helped Gemma. Helping Gemma doesn't make up for helping the club kill Clay. Just like getting shot for Jax didn't change you shooting back and hitting that Mayan. You did it again.

"He deserved it." I snarled stopping dead in my tracks. "I'm sick of this."

Then do something about it.

"Arghh!" I clawed at my ears with a vengeance knowing it was useless anyways. I was so caught up in my self destruction that I almost didn't catch the phone ringing.

I snatched it up from the kitchen counter where I'd tossed it when I got in. A number I didn't know was flashing on the screen. Frowning, I answered it anyways. "Yeah?"

"Its me. Meet me tomorrow night. Same time. Same place. I'll see you then." Lindsey said talking fast. "I can't talk." Click.

I'd just fucked my friend's girl for no good reason.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you all for the reviews, follows, and favorites. I know this took longer than the last update, but I'm still reworking a few things and changing things around. Trust me it would have taken even longer if TeamBlaus4ever hadn't put an end to my timeline confusion for me. **

**And speaking of her… TeamBlaus4ever has a story out called "Do it like a dude" that I beta for, and I know you will all love it, so please go check it out and leave her a review :D **

**And finally…..some progress… **

Chapter 16

_Monsters all over the night, gonna grab you the second you're in sight….. _

What in the hell was I doing walking to a cheap motel at this time of the night? I wondered to myself for the twentieth time since I'd left Diosa on foot.

It wasn't a long walk really, just a few miles. But it was dark and I knew I looked like exactly what I was considering I'd just gotten off of work not long ago. I'd left early enough that I'd have time to shower, put make up on and fix my hair again before Juice showed up. If he even showed up.

I was scared he wasn't. Not after I'd avoided him for two weeks straight without an answer when he tried to talk to me at the warehouse. I'd saw the look on his face when Fiasco had staked his claim by slipping a big hand into my back pocket pushing me along ahead of him. There was still a chance that he would come though, and that was the only reason I was walking in the dark in the middle of the night in my knee boots.

I hadn't liked it one bit when I saw him at the party. I'd been hanging off to Mr. Lin's arm playing the role of brainless eye candy that would blow him later when Juice brushed by his eyes roaming on every female within his eyesight. The real blow to the gut came when I spotted him leaving with Becky, arm to arm with each other and then saw them getting into a van, driving away. He'd taken someone else home to his bed. Not me.

Did I sill want it to be me? Hell yes. I knew that for a fact now. I couldn't stay away from him, not after I'd had that image burned into my mind. Him with someone else. I wanted him. I'd never stopped even when I started trying to make something happen with Fiasco. Fiasco who I'd told I was sleeping over with a friend when he asked if I was going home with him to Oakland for the night. I was a whore and a liar these days.

Charming Inn came into sight, the neon sigh lighting up the sky all around it. It wasn't much, it was pretty dumpy looking actually, but it was within my price range. I had a little bit of cash now that I'd gotten paid, not much since I was back to hoarding it away into a new bank account I'd made with Lyla's address on it. I hadn't wanted to tell Juice to get here first, and then him see me walking or pulling things from my hobo bag to get a shower with. So I was dishing out for the digs tonight.

The sliding doors glided open as I approached them letting me into the seedy looking lobby. It had worn out, dated, dirty carpet, a few dusty fake plants, and the check in desk with the hallways that led to the rooms on either side of it. "Hi." I greeted the greasy haired man behind the counter. Same one as the last time.

Grease ball's eyes moved away from the TV towards me, falling on my boobs and the way they were just barely covered in the halter top I was wearing, they roved down to my legs that were bare and exposed in the places the boots didn't cover them. "Can I help ya babe?"

"I need a room. 111 if you got it." I told him sweetly digging my wallet out of my oversized purse. "I need to leave a key here at the desk too if that's okay."

"Sure its okay. I get off at 1." He winked at me making bile rise into the back of my throat.

"Not what I was thinking honey." I forced the vomit back down, making myself be polite until I got the key from him. "I'm expecting a friend."

Grease Ball glared at me as he typed in the info from my drivers license into his dinosaur computer. "What? I'm not good enough to take $50 for a blow from? Your loss Lindsey Jennings." He tossed the card at me carelessly. "You're just a hooker. I know what you're running down there."

I felt like cold water had been thrown onto my head. "I'm not.. Doing that here. Its just a friend. If you want that you'll have to go to Diosa. I don't take outside work."

I was trying to cover myself. One phone call would have me in handcuffs for prostitution, I'd been warned about that when I first started. Be wary of outside work. Grease Ball didn't say anything back just slid a key towards me, keeping the second one. I bent down picking up my backpack from the floor slowly. "Umm. Thanks."

"Uh huh." His eyes were back on the TV pointedly ignoring me as I walked down the dimly lit hallway to my room.

Room 111 hadn't changed much. It was the same cheaply decorated room that smelled of cigarette smoke and Lysol. I tossed my backpack onto the bed digging for a change of clothes. Something comfortable. I wouldn't be in it long anyways if Juice showed. I pulled my bath stuff out going to the bathroom for my quick shower, I had exactly 20 minutes before he'd get here unless he was early. It'd taken way longer than I'd planned to walk.

I was stepping out of the steamy bathroom when I heard the lock flip on t he door and clutched the thin white towel to my body, waiting.

Juice slipped into the room, his eyes going over everything until he spotted me in the doorway. "Got hot and wet without me huh?" he said voice all raspy like he'd smoked an entire pack of cigarettes on his way over.

I'd planned on being dolled up before he got here not wearing a towel with my hair hanging in wet clumps around my shoulders. I walked closer with my heart thumping against my chest bones, so nervous of how he was going to be. "I'm not there yet." I whispered letting the towel hit the floor in a pile at my feet.

He pounced. It was predatory, animal like, and sexy as hell when he threw me back onto the bed without even straining himself. His mouth covered mine with hot wet kisses in between his talking. "What made you change your mind?"

I was kissing him back just as skilled as he was, breathless. "I want you. _This_." I ran my fingers over the silky strip of hair on top of his head reveling in the feel of his hard body against my bare skin.

"Why? You were ignoring me. I tried doing this a few times." Juice nibbled at my ear lobe his hands running through my damp brown hair, untangling it.

"Mmm…. I saw you with Becky." I admitted craning my neck and shifting around to let him rest between my legs.

Juice pulled back searching my face with his eyes. "We didn't.. not like this." he leaned back towards me sucking on my collarbone. "What about your _boyfriend_?" he said the word like it was a poison.

I knew he knew. Did he care? I was going with no, since he was starting to move t hose hands of his lower and lower down my body. "He doesn't know about this. Its between us. Why'd you come?"

Juice rested his palm on top of my abdomen, stopping there in his search of my skin. "For this." his lips were warm on mine again, sucking at my bottom lip. "And because for some reason, I wanted to."

I went for his shirt, trying to get it off of him. There were way too many clothes between the parts of us I wanted to touch and connect. I paused not being able to help but stare at the spot on his stomach. "Juice… you're infected."

He sighed loudly rolling off of me onto his back. "So I've been told." He looked down at the place his stitches were oozing and nasty. "I washed it with Dial earlier. I haven't made it to the pharmacy for anything else yet."

I rolled onto my knees getting a closer look. "You're not supposed to get stitches wet." I chastised him with a look. Even I knew that. "Its bad. Like really bad. I'm shocked you're not running a fever or puking by now."

"I'll handle it tomorrow." Juice shrugged like having pus oozing from your stomach was no biggie.

It looked horrible. I reached a finger out to touch the skin surrounding the wound and felt his stomach jump on contact. "Why aren't you cleaning it?"

He made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat, eyes rolling. "I don't know. I haven't felt like it. I've had a lot of shit going on." His eyes went to my naked body reminding me of what we'd been about to do.

"I don't know much about gun shot wounds, but I'm going to run across the street to the gas station and see what I can find." I declared rolling off of the bed going for the clothes I'd laid out.

That same instinct to take care of him was settling into my mind like it had at Diosa when I'd watched him sleep for hours. The way he looked harmless despite knowing he was far from it. I started pulling my clothes on, feeling his chocolate eyes on me the entire time following every move I made.

"You don't have to do it you know." Juice said quietly letting his feet hit the floor from the edge of the bed, his boots making a loud clunking sound.

I shrugged pulling my wet hair up into a messy knot on top of my head hating that he was seeing me look so dowdy. Every time I'd slept over at Fiasco's I'd crawled out of the bed well before he woke and put make up on then got back in like I'd never been gone. "Someone has to." I stuffed my feet into my shoes then groaned at a realization that popped into my mind.

"What?" Juice asked curiously standing up now shrugging his kutte off. He was toeing his boots off when I turned back to face him in the dim light.

"I remembered I have to walk past Grease Ball up front. He's giving me the creeps." I complained going to get my purse from the table beside the bed when he grabbed my arm stopping me.

"What do you mean.. giving you the creeps?" he raised an eyebrow in question but didn't let go of my arm as his other hand reached into the back pocket of his low riding pants.

Sighing, I nodded my head towards the general direction of the front of the motel. "He thought I was inviting him in earlier. He thinks…" I stopped not wanting to say what he thought. Juice's eyes flickered in recognition of what I wasn't saying to him. "And this.. Obviously.. isn't like that. I just.. I don't know."

I knew what I was thinking. I'd just felt cheap and trashy to know that my appearance was screaming 'hooker' at everyone I came into contact with. Trashy, I had dealt with my entire life ever since Katie Williams picked on me for the holes in my Keds and not having any Barbies for recess. Cheap, was new to me. Even with the embarrassment of the incident with Eric Darby haunting me since the night it'd happened, I had never felt cheap. Stupid sure, but not cheap.

Juice let go of my arm to open his wallet, my eyes catching a glimpse of what was inside while he tried to pull a plastic card from one of the little slots. Cash, his drivers license that showed him with hair, and a picture of a woman that could only be his mother. No naked ladies like most men. "Here. Just… get whatever." He said lamely holding the card out towards me.

I stared at it, wondering if he realized the amount of trust he was putting in me not to charge up a couple hundred bucks or run off with it. Slowly, I reached up taking it from him. I smiled wryly as I read the front of it. "Anything besides medical supplies Juan Carlos?"

He gave me a scowl before a little smile tugged at his mouth. "Juice. Call me Juice. And maybe a Coke. I'm gonna…. Make a couple calls. Somethin."

I nodded feeling the awkward moment that came when I started for the door. If it'd been Fiasco, he would have given me a kiss and a flash of those shiny teeth of his before I left. But this was Juice and nothing was personal about this except for the slight conversation we were having that seemed strange in itself.

Trying to be quick about it, I practically ran through the lobby to get by Grease Ball who'd cut his eyes at me, hugging my body on my way out. Creepy ass.

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I'd just given a hooker my debit card. A pretty hooker though. What in the hell was the matter with me? I frowned after Lindsey had left.

I pulled my boots back on, lacing them quickly. I had to do this before she came back from the gas station, I'd almost offered to walk with her when I made this decision instead. "Seriously, got to get a fuckin grip Ortiz." I muttered standing up. "You're so damn worried someone's going to take your version of therapy away from you that you're about to go cowboy out here."

I left my kutte off, wanting to seem casual as I walked down the deserted hallway to the moldy lobby where the murmur of the TV was just barely audible. Grease Ball was stuffing chips into his liver colored lips when I approached the desk.

He gave me a nod, wiping his palms across his shirt leaving an oily trail behind. "What's up? She steal your shit or something man? Saw her tear assing outta here. Knew I should have called the cops the minute I saw those tits come through the doors."

Was she mine? Not a chance. Were the tits mine? Hell no. But the feeling of possessiveness pumping through me in a sudden rush as I reached across the rickety desk, grabbing him by the shirt collar as he paled. "I don't know exactly what you think she is, but she's not. She's a girl that came to rent a room, nothing else. You call anyone, and me and you.. Were gonna have a problem." my voice was a low growl shaking him for emphasis.

"I.. I.. I got it. I didn't mean… I just thought she.. The clothes.." I jerked him again making him gulp and shake wildly.

"You stare at her like that one more time, and I'll do more than scare you." I warned before releasing him with a toss back across the counter.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know she was… yours." He tried to apologize, backing as far away from as he could.

I cut him a look, taking off back down the hallway to get back into the room before Lindsey returned. The last thing I wanted, or needed, was her thinking I'd just done that for a different than I really had.

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"Soo… I got you a Coke, me a Sprite, peroxide, gauze, antibiotic cream, tape, and candy." I told Juice as I pulled the loot out one by one.

Juice eyed the candy before smirking a little bit. "Aren't you a little old for Sour Patch Kids and candy cigarettes?"

I motioned for him to lift his shirt off as I grabbed a washcloth out of the bathroom and padded back across the carpet in my bare feet. "How would you know how old I am?" I smirked back going to my knees between his as he sat on the edge of the bed in front of me.

"You know a lot about me. Things I haven't even told you." he pointed out staring down at me as I poured the peroxide over the wound, watching it bubble crazily. "I never told you I got shot and I know Rat didn't."

I pretended to be focused on what I was doing, ignoring what he was trying to hint around at. My hands worked carefully, pouring more peroxide on after I'd dabbed at it some. "This is horrible. Maybe I should have gotten Grease Ball to give me some swabs out of the first aid kid behind the desk."

"He say anything else to you?" Juice asked casually, leaning back on his palms letting me work away at him.

I frowned, remembering how the man had acted when I walked through the lobby. "No, he glanced at me and took off into the office. Not that I'm complaining…"

"You didn't answer what I was wanting to know." Juice touched the hand that was spreading the cream over the stitches as gently as possible. "Who told you?"

"A friend." I replied curtly trying to show him I wasn't interested in talking about it.

"You hear things, don't you? When you're playing party favor for those guys, you're listening in." it was an accusation, but not an angry one. More like curious. "What else do you know that I haven't told you?"

I looked up meeting his eyes pausing in my work. "I don't hear anything. And even if I did, I don't share my clients secrets with anyone."

"What about with Fiasco?" Juice smiled but it wasn't actually a smile. It was… something dark and ugly that made his eyes look fierce.

I pressed the bandage over the stitches holding it in place as I started to tape it down to his tan skin. "We leave business at Diosa. Why are you so chatty tonight anyways? I don't ask you things about yourself Juan Carlos."

"Good point _Lindsey_." He threw my name out like it was a lie. "Is that your real name? Lindsey what?"

I slid the last piece of tape in place and looked up again, sliding my hands onto his thighs. "Lindsey Jennings."

Juice's hands went down to his belt undoing it with one easy fluid move. "I think I like calling you pretty girl better." he touched the side of my face with one big warm hand giving me a gentle pull forward. "You remember what I taught you pretty girl?"

I smiled back tugging at his pants and boxers until he was free and in my hand. "I think I can handle it."

"The way I want." It wasn't a question, it was a request I realized as I took him in my mouth starting the night's events and ending the conversation.

We'd almost started to get somewhere for once but like always… Juice just wasn't interested.

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Juice's back was against the cheap headboard of the bed in the same exact motel room as the last time I'd decided to hook up with him. I was straddling his lap, his cock buried to the hilt inside of me so deeply that I was squirming at the fullness.

Juice himself was gazing up at me, holding my hair away from my face with it threaded through his calloused fingers. "Don't try to hold out on me again." he said in a way that could have been a tease or a warning, depending on how I wanted to take it.

"Trust me baby, I could never give this up." I smirked back at him rocking my hips back and forth slightly.

His body rocked back, abs flexing against the soft skin of my stomach. "Am I the only one doing this to you?"

I felt him tug at the roots of my hair where just a hint of blonde was showing through. "I'm a hooker Juice, you know that." I replied trying to play it as coolly as possible with him tonight. I'd be damned if I was the begging, pleading woman.

"Am I the only one actually trying to make sure its good for you?" He tried again kissing at my collarbone. "The only one that wants to see the way your eyes roll back when you cum?"

Yes. "No. I mean, I just don't want to talk about…that." I sighed letting him roll his lower half, enjoying the feel of him rubbing against a spot that I'd only recently discovered even existed inside of me.

Juice smiled, it was a dirty smile, not his normal one. "I am. I like that." he touched the roots of my hair again, making me self conscious. "You're gonna have to work it tonight babe."

I touched the bandage I'd put on him with my fingertips, nodding back. "I can do that."

He dropped one hand to grip my ass in his palm, bringing me up then down again. "Show me then."

I let him guide me up and down, closing my eyes as I learned just how he wanted me. Slow, and god…. So _deep_. Nothing like when we'd fucked in this room before. There was nothing between the two of us, just skin to skin with each other, completely trusting one another just for the next couple of hours.

Juice brought me closer, my boobs pressed into his chest as he thrust upwards making me cry out. Slow, deep, slow, so good… then he'd change it with a thrust of his own that had me reeling from the impact. So much better than the sex I'd had earlier in the day with Fiasco. So _so_ much better. He kissed the side of my neck, nipping at it a little bit making me gasp. The only sounds were us moaning and sighing every so often for the next while.

"Harder." Juice finally broke the silence now gripping my ass so hard it hurt. "C'mon pretty girl."

I slid my own hands onto his shoulders for support working myself into a quicker, rough motion that had me cursing and whimpering within a minute. "I'm cumming." I squeezed my eyes shut letting myself fall over the edge of the pleasure cliff.

Juice gripped me tighter suddenly a more notable moan than normal escaping his mouth that he was burying into my hair. "So fuckin tight…" he sighed holding me still to finish himself off once I'd seized up, unable to move with my own orgasm rocking through my body.

The second he was done, and I could definitely tell he was judging from the exchange of body fluids threatening to spill out of myself, I tried to give him a kiss on the mouth that he dipped his head from, tapping on my thigh to get off of him. _Oh hell no_…. I crawled off though, frowning at how he was acting within seconds of getting off.

"Juice?" I started but he silenced me with a dark look that he'd never used with me before.

"I can't.. I can't hear you right now." He said grabbing his boxers before making a dash to the bathroom, the door banging shut behind him.

_What in the hell? _I picked up the first item of clothing I touched, his plain white shirt and tugged it over my head going to stand at the bathroom door. I paused hearing him inside much like I had at Diosa.

"Leave it alone for tonight. Let me relax." He was saying softly, I could hear the water running. "I can't handle it right now." I heard him cough, or maybe it was a chuckle, I wasn't sure.

_Juice is crazy, he's not himself_. The phrase that kept popping up entered my mind the second my fingers touched the cool doorknob, letting myself into the bathroom with him. He was hunched over the sink, palms down bracing him in his lean. "What's wrong with you Juice?" I asked softly wrapping my arms around him from behind.

Juice visibly tensed, his shoulder blades up and standing out. "You shouldn't be alone with me pretty girl. I'm a bad person." Juice's eyes lifted up in the mirror meeting mine.

I stared back into his troubled eyes, making a decision I hoped I wouldn't regret later. "That's my choice."

We stood like that, me rubbing his back with soft, gentle movements that I hoped would calm him down. After a few minutes of silence passed us by, Juice spoke quietly. "Queens." He cleared his throat. "You wanted to know more about me the other night. I'm from Queens, New York."

I rested my chin on his shoulder, kissing the dark skin that made my own look like milk in comparison, looking back at his reflection again. Juice had been paying more attention than I'd ever given him credit for. I could only wonder what else he'd picked up on that I'd been wanting from him…


	17. Chapter 17

**116 reviews! Totally blows my mind! I love you guys for reviewing, it totally makes this all worth it!**

**I know I've said this before but always always remember Lindsey is a very young escort, just trying to survive…. **

"**Do It like a Dude" is a Juice story I beta for, and you guys should go check it out. it's a prequel type story to when Season one starts up and its pretty good. **

Chapter 17

_She'll get what she wants….._

"I feel like freakin Mary the Maid" I mumbled as I scrubbed at a spot of dried pizza sauce on the floor linoleum covered kitchen floor of Fiasco's house.

I'd been cleaning the kitchen for the past two hours, and had made little progress. The hundreds of dishes were washed, dried, and put away. A load of them were swirling around in the dishwasher that Fiasco had admitted to never using since moving into the small house in Oakland. I'd sent him out for detergent, dish soap, Lysol, bleach, and a mop after I'd surveyed the mess the night before.

What was I doing, cleaning like I lived here? I wondered to myself scrubbing over the floor again. Subconsciously, I knew why I was cleaning this disgusting house. Because I was hoping that maybe I would live here. And if I was, no way in hell could it look like this. Even my tweaked out, lazy, trashy parents did a better job at housekeeping than these two grown men did. Sure my mom would slack on things here and there, but I'd never been afraid to enter the bathroom.

Nero was back to seeing Gemma on the regular leaving his room open for me to crash in but I knew from the way her eyes cut at me that she didn't like it one bit that I was in there curled up in his bed when she came in a couple of days ago. She didn't like me and the feeling was pretty damn mutual. The woman talked to me like a dumb whore every time I tried to be nice to her. Respect and love for Nero was the only thing that kept me trying over and over to be friendly.

I heard a shuffling of feet behind me and glanced over my shoulder, straightening up into a sitting position instead of bent over like I had been when I saw Gomes venturing out of his room into the mostly clean kitchen. His eyes widened, taking in everything I'd done with an awed expression. "Damn girl, been busy huh?"

"Been up at 7 when your boy took off to check on some shop in your guys territory." I explained rubbing my sore hands against each other. This manual mopping was killing my manicure I noticed with a frown.

"He might keep you around if you keep this up." The dark haired man smirked down at me going to get himself a pop tart from the cabinet I'd already organized.

"That's my plan." I chirped standing up to empty out my bucket of filthy water.

Being alone with Gomes wasn't creepy or worrying but it had me wondering. If I did manage to snap myself an invitation to move in, would he still live here too? Or would it just be us? Hmmm… I spared him a glance when he turned away from me to grab a glass from the drain rack beside the sink. Would he even be cool with Fiasco moving me in if he actually did?

I refilled the bucket with cleaner and water before going to their little laundry area to check on the clothes I had going in the washer. I'd started on that too, swapping the loads around between my cleaning. I had no idea whose laundry was whose since they both wore beaters and ugly plaid shirts most of the time, but at least it'd be clean not in a gigantic stack that blocked the bathroom.

I paused after I poured more Tide in, reaching into the back pocket of the hand me down shorts from Lyla to pull the small touch screen phone out. Nothing. I hadn't expected it though since I hadn't heard the little chirp telling me I had a message. With a sigh, I slid it back in wishing he would just… text. Call. Something.

"_Here, take this." Juice had said slipping the phone from the inner pocket of his kutte and pressing it into my hand. _

_I stared at it, confused. "Your phone? Don't you need it?" _

"_No. I use burners. This is… my actual phone. I'm guessing you don't have one since Lyla wouldn't give me the number even after I snapped at her a few times." Juice had grinned with a real grin that was all white teeth and bright eyes. "Just… don't make a shit ton of long distance calls pretty girl."_

"_I can't take your phone Juice." I'd argued back with what I hoped was a dirty look. "I'll buy one or something." if I could find the extra money, I finished off in my mind. _

"_Take it. I don't know how long I'll have the number you already have. I switch phones a lot. I'll call you when I have time to do this again." Juice told me, letting me know that he wasn't going to be around much for the next few days. _

I hadn't heard from him since but I'd heard bits and pieces of what might be holding him up by listening in on conversations around Fiasco and Nero, and Nero and Alvarez. Things that I'd never be able to tell him I knew about of course, but I still knew them. It was an unspoken trust that I didn't repeat anything Fiasco said in front of me to any of his boys, or mention his comings and goings with anyone while I was at his house. As much as I liked Juice, and I really really did, I had to think with my head not my heart for now.

Because Juice was still standoffish after I'd made my choice to stay involved with him after the bathroom incident. Not in the physical sense of course. But in the way he'd refused my invite to stay at the motel with me. He'd fallen asleep for a couple of hours beside me, touching me in any way and then woken up with a choking sound and jerking straight up with wide panicked eyes. Nightmares. He wasn't saying anything, but he'd dreamt of something that had him freaked out enough he'd gotten dressed in a hurry saying he had to go home to check on his puppy. Like it was his child or something.

Then the next day I'd ended up here with Fiasco. My life had become one big sexed up mess with too much make up and slutty clothing.

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We were laying on the sheets that I'd washed earlier that afternoon, along with Fiasco's laundry while I did my own taking full advantage of the fact that he had a washer and dryer available to me at my own whim. I could smell the fabric softener mixed in with his Davidoff cologne while our mouths smacked against each others building up to the inevitable.

I wanted it to be good, I really did. I wanted to fall into bed with him like I did with Juice and not be able to keep my hands off of him instead of going through the motions of unbuttoning his shirt while he pushed my pajamas down. Or well, his pajamas rather. I didn't own any pajamas since I didn't have a bed.

Fiasco didn't have a bad body, it was muscled with huge bulks, he wasn't even lacking in other areas. It was the rest that wasn't fulfilling for me.

I waited until he was rolling a condom on to get to my knees, watching him with my bottom lip between my teeth. "I was thinking… maybe I could get on top?"

"I think I know what I'm doing." Was his reply before giving me a gentle push to lay back down.

Fiasco was thick, really _really_ thick and I dug my nails into his shoulders when he thrust into me with a wince he took as a moan. "You seem to like it."

I didn't answer him, I raised a leg to wrap around his waist, drawing him in. In, out, in out, he pulled his lower body in the rough hard motion that worked for him. But I wanted it to work for me. It felt good, I could get off from this…. I shut my eyes letting a few erratic moans escape my lips. "God, go faster." I begged trying to urge him on with the way I was rocking my hips back against him.

Fiasco wasn't a kisser during the deed either. Juice was. Juice's lips would be all over my neck by now. Fiasco was all about getting off and being done with this. "No." he said gruffly moving so that my head was tucked under his body.

Frustrated, I slid a hand down in between to try to rub my clit, knowing that would do it. I hadn't gotten off really really good for a couple of days. I needed it so bad. Wanted it so bad… the second I flicked my index finger over the little nub he grabbed my wrist jerking my hand back up. His eyes were looking angry. "I don't need a bitch doing it for herself while I'm fucking her."

_Wow_. My eyes widened into huge circles. He'd never spoken to me like that before. I let him hold my wrist in a tight grip, bucking my pelvic bone up sharply when he really went deep, so far I felt a little stab shudder through my cervix. "Fiasco-"

"Fuck Lindsey, at least let me get mine if you ain't gonna lay there and get yours." He snapped angrily. He let go of my wrist to slide his hands underneath my ass jerking me up into a halfway sitting position with him sitting back on his heels.

I didn't know if it was the sudden change of position, the attitude, or the fact that I could angle into just the right spot from this angle, but I was clawing at his arms within seconds struggling to keep the hardest orgasm he'd ever given me. "Yesyesyesyesyesyes." I was near chanting with an edge, not wanting it to stop anymore.

Then it did. He got his and let go of me, letting me fall back onto the wrinkled sheets sensitive and whining angrily to myself. I'd been so damn close, I could feel myself teetering on the edge of it. And then it was gone. "God dammit!"

"You got a problem with how I'm fuckin you?" Fiasco snapped already jerking his clothes back on haphazardly.

"Actually, I do." I threw back grabbing for my own clothes, not the borrowed pajamas I'd started out with. I could see that sleeping here wasn't going to be an option unless I was willing to shut up and apologize.

"Where do you think you're goin at 2am?" Fiasco asked me with a thick eyebrow raised in question watching me jerk my clothes on.

I didn't know. I had nowhere to go. Charming was one hell of a walk from Oakland. "I don't know!" I threw my hands up in despair sinking back down on the bed half dressed. "I don't know. I am… so sick of this."

Fiasco came closer, dropping down on the freshly scrubbed clean beige carpet between my too skinny legs that looked like toothpicks when one big hand cupped my thigh. "Sick of what? I didn't mean to snap at you like that girl. Just been a bad day for me." His apology seemed sincere, his eyes were soft not the hard angry look when we'd been in bed together.

"Sick of not knowing what's going to happen to me." I admitted in a scared, shaky sounding voice. "Sick of depending on other people to take care of me." I hid my face behind my palms, refusing to cry in front of him again. My tears came too easily in front of this man for my liking.

"Hey, no tears tonight." Fiasco's deep voice went soft pulling my hands away, holding them in his own while his eyes searched my face. "You wanna know what's gonna happen to you? You're gonna take your shoes off, put your pajamas back on and go to sleep. Then in the morning we're gonna go get some breakfast before I take you to work. Then I'll pick you back up and bring you back home with me. That's what gonna happen to you."

I stared back into his gaze, nodding slowly, agreeing to his statement. "I'm just.. Tired Fiasco." I sighed letting him tug my sneakers back off of my feet. The kind of tired that had nothing to do with the housework I'd accomplished, but the type of tired that only someone else with a lot of their mentally could understand.

Fiasco raised my arms tugging the shirt I'd put on backwards in my hurry to dress back off of my torso, running his fingers along my ribs that I knew were too prominent. Stress, too much sex, and skipping meals had started to cause me to lose the little bit of weight I'd gained when we'd started dating. "Go to bed Linds." He kissed my cheek before moving me back onto the sheet after he'd tugged my jeans off.

He took care of me. Not the other way around.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Juice's POV

"You seem…. Better." Rat observed in a tone that told me he really didn't think I was better at all. Little shit.

I shrugged stirring the spoon we were sharing around the coffee mug that Chucky had filled for me when I sat down at the counter in the parlor. Here we were, with a mostly finished clubhouse, and still meeting at the sweet shop because 'we liked it' here. I dumped some more sugar into the cup then frowned, realizing that was probably the last thing I needed since I hadn't been home yet to take my meds.

"I'm not doin so bad. Don't know why everyone thinks I am." I swirled the dark liquid around one more time before handing the spoon back to Rat to add more sugar into his overly strong coffee.

Rat took a gulp out of his mug, wincing at the burn of the liquid. Chucky had made it fresh. "Maybe 'cause you're not known for being okay now days." He poured another round of creamer into the cup. "Hey I wanted to say thanks for getting Becky home the other night. Really appreciate it bro. She said you were polite to her, didn't try anything."

_Becky was a liar _I thought to myself amused at this. Which I guess, Becky started it not me so I really didn't try anything. I just finished it. No way in hell was I telling him that shit. "No problem man. She's a good kid."

Calling her a kid was slightly creepy considering I'd fucked her in the back of the van so I could pretend she was Lindsey. Now that I'd had another taste of the real thing, I felt stupid for even thinking I could get a replacement pretty girl. The one I had worked just fine for my own version of 'therapy'. I was voice free since I'd left the motel that night, and only had two nightmares since. Stitches were ready to come out as soon as Chibs got here too.

"They're here." Rat spoke up sliding off his stool just as the door jingled alerting us that Jax, Chibs, and Hap were back from their little adventure.

"Church" Chibs said brushing by me with the same look on his face he always had when he saw me now days.

Disappointment, irritation, regret. Maybe even a little bit of hate was there now when it used to be nothing but love and respect. Just another reminder of how bad I'd screwed up yet they didn't even know the half of it.

I followed the others up taking my seat beside Bobby as quietly as possible. Less attention I drew to myself, the better. Especially on this topic. Tara.

"Lin and the Mayans are definitely in it together now. We destroyed the warehouse, lit it up. Ope woulda been proud." Jax started flicking ashes into the ash tray nearest him. "Couldn't find the heroin. But we will. We did get a tag off of the Mercedes though, Juice we'll need you to check in that." His eyes cut towards me with a nod I acknowledged with a single shake of my head. "I want to see where its registered, see if its our mark."

"And if its not?" Bobby asked curiously, because honestly, we'd all been worn to the ground with this.

"Then we keep looking. Keep making this right." Jax told him looking around at all of us. "And don't stop until I know the truth of what happened."

The truth was in his house cleaning right now. She'd been over there everyday so far getting rid of Tara's belongings for him, and going through the boys stuff. It was a truth I really didn't think anyone was ready for no matter how big of a witch hunt we were on right now.

"And Nero?" Tig took the chance to ask. "Any clues on what's going on there with the Mayans and Lin?"

"Best I can tell is that Nero's still trying to be peacemaker, but I think his crew has other ideas. Word is the Byz Lats have been spending a lot of time with Alvarez over in Lodi and in Stockton. Not sure what they have going on. Might not be a bad idea to try and watch Fiasco for a few days. See if we're being duped. "

Fiasco. Bastard I thought with an inner snarl at the mention of his name. I knew someone who could tell me exactly what he'd been up to, but I didn't really think she would. She'd shied away from my question about Lin and where they were usually together at when she entertained him. Pretty girl wasn't a double agent, she was an honest hooker which was a rarity.

My life had went from gun running computer geek to heroin hunting lackey. After I got done running tags, I had a name I wanted to look up so maybe that made me a bit of a stalker as well…

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Lindsey's POV

I felt horrible. My head was pounding, my mouth felt like it had a permanent puke film on the inside of my cheeks, and I wasn't sure if sweat or vomit was what soaked my shirt.

Hunching over the porcelain throne in Nero's room was the last place I wanted to be right now. I needed to be making money. More importantly, what was I going to do when this place opened up in a couple of hours and I was still sick?

My head swam when I stood up shakily to look in the mirror. My appearance was terrible. I ran a handful of cool water to rinse my mouth out with when someone started knocking on the door. "Just a minute." I croaked out then sighed when the door opened up anyways.

Fiasco was standing in the doorway, my 'hobo' bag slung over his bulky shoulder. "C'mon girl."

"What? Am I getting the boot?" I frowned wondering why Nero hadn't just told me he needed his room back instead of having Fiasco and Gomes toss me out.

"Yeah. To my place. You can't stay here like that." He shifted to hold out a huge sweatshirt towards me. "Put that on if you're cold."

I wasn't too sure about this idea. I didn't take the shirt he offered, instead leaned over the toilet losing what little bit I had left inside of my stomach. "I can't leave."

"Yes you can. C'mon, I'm gonna drive you over. I stopped and got you some stuff when Lyla said you weren't feelin so hot."

So I was hoisted into his big, dark arms with my backpack tucked over one of them securely and carried out of Nero's bathroom and through the lounge in front of the big curious eyes of the other girls that were starting to show up for work. If they'd been wondering about anything going on between the two of us, it was confirmed now that I was banging the boss's second in command.

I curled up onto the leather seat of his car, squeezing my eyes shut and praying I wouldn't throw up on the interior before we made it back to his place.

It was still as clean as it had been when I left it the day before, opting to sleep at Diosa last night instead of calling him to see if I could stay over. I wasn't big on inviting myself if he didn't offer. As hopeful as I was, I didn't want to be pushy either.

Fiasco paused midway through the living room, shifting me in his arms. "You want the couch to see the TV or the bed closer to the bathroom?"

"Bed." my hoarse sounding voice spoke allowing my head to tuck itself on his chest.

Fiasco laid me down, pulling the sheets out from underneath me to cover me up. "I'll get you some of those pills I grabbed and some water. You want to eat?"

"No!" I almost gagged just at the suggestion of food. I was starting to sweat bullets again, and my stomach was cramping up. I drew my legs up, curling into a little ball hating that someone that had me a pedestal of everything he thought feminine and pretty should be was me, was seeing me like this.

The pills he brought me made me sleepy but dulled the nausea down enough I could sleep. The fever just had to sweat itself out because no way was I about to risk swallowing more water. I dozed off and on throughout the day barely aware of him in and out of the room to check on me. _Fiasco the nursemaid _I smiled to myself.

When I did wake up fully, it was late at night. I could tell it was dark outside from the cracked blinds and the voices from the kitchen. I could hear Fiasco's tenor and Gomes' lighter tones, and two more I didn't recognize. Frowning, I slid out of the bed tiptoeing to the doorway to listen in before just walking down the hallway to get more water for my cottonmouth. it was mostly in Spanish, but I could pick out bits of the conversation.

"Nah man. Nero's not fully on board yet. Hasn't made his choice. He's bangin Teller's mom again, complicates things." Fiasco was saying with a laugh.

"Maybe if you keep pushin for it, he'll go along with a merge of sorts. I know you don't wanna give up that pussy cage of yours but maybe something can happen." one of the voices I didn't recognize said.

Gomes spoke up next, something in Spanish that they all laughed at when I heard a chair scrape against the floor. "I'll be right back. Gotta go check on my girl real quick." Fiasco excused himself. "Been down all day with something."

That brought more Spanish and laughs that Fiasco talked back to chuckling as his footsteps got closer to the bedroom. I took off at a little run climbing back into the bed, pulling the blankets around myself hurriedly. I'd be damned if I got caught spying. I closed my eyes breathing as evenly as I could until I heard the door click open then shut again, then the warm hand on my forehead.

I cracked my eyes open, looking up at the man beside the bed. "I'm fine." I croaked out from my dry throat.

He nodded pushing my hair back, running his fingers over it. "Want to try some soup or something? Some Gatorade?"

I smiled at him, I'd never expected to see this side of the tough banger. "Yeah, I think I can handle that." I sat up slowly pretending I hadn't just been out of the bed spying on him. "You didn't have to do this."

"Sure I did." Fiasco shrugged running his thumb across my cheek. "My girl was sick, so I took care of her."

My girl. I was suddenly bursting with happiness at hearing that term from him, not the nagging dread I'd been having about whether or not what I was doing was right. It was a step closer in the direction I needed this to go in. "No one's taken care of me since I was little." I admitted kicking the blankets back.

"Why didn't you just call me when you started feelin bad? Told me you wanted to come home?" he asked tilting his head back in question.

"I didn't know that was an option." I told him softly swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "I didn't want to… put you out. Or want you to feel obligated to have me here."

Fiasco stared at me, letting out a breath I didn't know he'd been holding in. "What do _you_ want?" he asked me quietly helping me up, with me still pretending I hadn't been up moving.

I looked up at him, dead on, without blinking. This wasn't something someone had asked me before. "I want someone to love me. And I want someone to just.. Be good to me. I haven't had much of that."

He gazed back, I could practically see his brain processing everything I'd just bluntly said to him. He walked around to the foot of the bed, grabbing my hobo pack and then the few feet to the double closet. It slid open with a pop and then he was throwing my bag inside of it. "Lets get that soup bonita."


End file.
